MAKI34
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Rough times.

Monday, November 01, 2010

If feels like an eternity since I've logged into Sparks and an even longer eternity since I've last blogged. And my darn camera broke so I can't get my therapy in by video blogging! :( Oh well.

I wanted to thank all those Spark Friends who in my absence have reached out to me! Thank you so much! emoticon

The truth is that I'm going through another very rough time in my life. It just feels like my life has been all rough patches and only a few smooth and happy ones! I don't really want to go into detail too exept to say that life is hard right now. I'm having problems with my family members, with my marriage, with my self worth, ect.

And ofcourse as a result everything else is a mess too, including my eating and exercising. Today is the first day that I take some control of it. But pretty much I have been horrible and out of control. I haven't weighed myself in a long time so I don't know exactly how much I have gained back but I can tell by my clothes and by looking in the mirror. It's weird though, it's like I've managed not to get down too much about it though. It's like I'm too busy feeling crappy about so many other things that I kinda choose to not care about this too much. IT's hard to explain, I just stay clear of the mirror when I'm naked and just don't look in the mirror too much at all. I tell myself that I haven't gained too much back and that I don't care if my belly bulges out. BUt I have stopped wearing most of my clothes since they don't look as nice as they did and my pants are tight again. But I'm kinda glad I'm taking this attitude cause atleast it keeps me from hating myself for the way I look. BUt at the same time it's like I don't care about taking care of myself, but I know eventually I'll care and it'll be too late.

Am I making any sence? Probably not, lately I feel like I don't make any sence at all! BUt today I'm taking it one by one. I did some threadmill and I'm eating healthier today! I'm just thinking about being successful today. Atleast I'll feel like I have control over something. We'll see what happens tomorrow.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • VEGALEGARRETA
    amiguita!!! welcome back!!

    ahora can animo ! impulso! y reenfocada!!


    2819 days ago
  • SAMSPARK1
    Welcome back! One day at at a time!
    2819 days ago
  • TRINIGIRLBLUE
    emoticon

    Hope you're doing alright girlie and everything worked out for the best.

    Miss ya
    2870 days ago
  • BKLYNFINEST77
    hey sweety .. i really hope things get better soon .. sorry to hear your going through so much .. (((hugss))) coming your way
    2876 days ago
  • ELIZAGETTINGFIT
    Hi Maki. Hope you are doing better
    2901 days ago
  • KAYDE53
    Sending up prayers for you & your situation! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2902 days ago
  • NISSANGIRL
    Sorry to hear that things are rough right now, remember that this too will pass. Glad to see you are back sparking. Have faith things will get better. Good luck. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2903 days ago
  • KATVHALE
    Have in Faith in God; He cares for you! When all else fails, there is always His love for you. Jesus said in His Sermon on the Mount that you should not worry about the future but concentrate on today! It sounds like you realize that and are starting over beginning with today; good for you! Keep looking up and holding on to Him who is always there and always will be.

    God Bless You Richly Today and Every Day!

    Kat
    2905 days ago
  • DIETSAFARI
    I am praying for you too.
    Just hold on to the Lord, He promises that everthing works out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose....
    Weight gain doesn't have to be permanent, right?
    Love DS
    2905 days ago
  • LIGHTLOVEJOY
    emoticon

    I'm so sorry to hear that things have been so rough for you lately. You're a strong, beautiful woman.. don't ever forget that. You will come through all of this yuckiness even stronger and more confident. Hang in there!

    Amy
    2906 days ago
  • MINDYJ1
    emoticon emoticon
    2906 days ago
  • DONNAORLENE
    You must have been doing something right in order to be attacked so viciously on all sides. So just hang in there because believe it or not, "this too shall pass". God will carry you through this in His loving arms and remember, take courage because He has already won the battle! And remember, you are in my thoughts and I am lifting you up in prayer!
    God Bless You!
    Your sister in Christ!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

    emoticon

    Donna Orlene
    2906 days ago
  • CALIMAN1
    My dear friend.... emoticon are the first thing I can offer. It looks like your plate is overful right now and not necessarily with the best stuff...but I have hope and faith that this can be overcome. Sometimes while we are in the middle of a test, we can't understand the "Whys" of the situation....sometimes, we can pinpoint exactly why...either way, you have a lot of character....and ganas....you have been an encourager to me and to so many others....

    We are here for you....and we are good listeners...sending up prayers for you right now. You know where to find me if you want to chat. God bless and love ya lots lil sister.

    emoticon
    2906 days ago
  • DEPAULGIRL09
    Sorry to hear that things are going too well, but glad to see you're back. I know what you're going through...been through some tough times myself, but we'll get through it. emoticon
    2906 days ago
  • SAMSPARK1
    Sorry you are having a rough time right now!!!!!!!!!!!! emoticon
    2906 days ago
  • HUGS2015
    Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time! I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers! I hope that better days are ahead for you and your family! Keep posting to Spark as often as you can as there are people here who care about you and want to see you do well! Big Hugs and Many Prayers, Deanie

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2906 days ago
  • HOT4FITNESS
    I am so sorry that things are not going well for you. I am saying a prayer for you right now. keep sparking!!!
    2906 days ago
  • BABY_GIRL69
    When you say rough Sistah, I know exactly what you mean. Don't be discouraged & keep your head up cause things are going to happen no matter what. Its how you stand during those times that define who we are. My everything is always up & down & all around but if I declare defeat then what about my children? Or what about my family & friends who look to me for encouragement? I know what it is like to be tried on every side but I have a little pity party & move forward. This attitude took me years to obtain so be encouraged Sweets.

    I'm praying for you & God bless!

    Dee
    2907 days ago
  • BANDMAMAPC
    I've been wondering about you. Sorry that you are going through some rough spots. We've had ours just recently, the van repair was $800, ugh! Sending some positive vibes to you. You will survive. Hugs to you.
    2907 days ago
  • 2BEEFIT
    HUGS, just remember rough times do not last forever. They really don't.
    2907 days ago
  • GIGALENA
    Hugs girl. It sounds like you are going through a really rough time. I know its not always easy to come to spark. But try because if nothing else you can post your feelings and get a little support.

    Big hugs coming your way.
    Angela
    2907 days ago
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