Monday, November 01, 2010
If feels like an eternity since I've logged into Sparks and an even longer eternity since I've last blogged. And my darn camera broke so I can't get my therapy in by video blogging! :( Oh well.
I wanted to thank all those Spark Friends who in my absence have reached out to me! Thank you so much!
The truth is that I'm going through another very rough time in my life. It just feels like my life has been all rough patches and only a few smooth and happy ones! I don't really want to go into detail too exept to say that life is hard right now. I'm having problems with my family members, with my marriage, with my self worth, ect.
And ofcourse as a result everything else is a mess too, including my eating and exercising. Today is the first day that I take some control of it. But pretty much I have been horrible and out of control. I haven't weighed myself in a long time so I don't know exactly how much I have gained back but I can tell by my clothes and by looking in the mirror. It's weird though, it's like I've managed not to get down too much about it though. It's like I'm too busy feeling crappy about so many other things that I kinda choose to not care about this too much. IT's hard to explain, I just stay clear of the mirror when I'm naked and just don't look in the mirror too much at all. I tell myself that I haven't gained too much back and that I don't care if my belly bulges out. BUt I have stopped wearing most of my clothes since they don't look as nice as they did and my pants are tight again. But I'm kinda glad I'm taking this attitude cause atleast it keeps me from hating myself for the way I look. BUt at the same time it's like I don't care about taking care of myself, but I know eventually I'll care and it'll be too late.
Am I making any sence? Probably not, lately I feel like I don't make any sence at all! BUt today I'm taking it one by one. I did some threadmill and I'm eating healthier today! I'm just thinking about being successful today. Atleast I'll feel like I have control over something. We'll see what happens tomorrow.