Thursday, October 28, 2010
So some of you wonderful Spakers (you know who you are!) have steadily been poking at me to write. Today is the first day I feel like I've had time- though I don't really. I have plenty of things to do, I'm just feeling too decrepit to do them at the moment. I even sat through this great seminar yesterday on 'the power of choice' and look, here I am all depressed (and probably a good bit exhausted tied into that).
The job search is still at naught. There's *the* job I wanted posted for the Statehouse, it's temporary but I want it. And I've had such a crappy time of it, I can't even believe I might get an interview. I've gotten turned down for a couple jobs in the last month because, the short of it, I was overqualified. HA. I went from NO experience, to overqualified, just like that. The internship at ODOD was nothing short of awesome, and my committee at Forty Plus is doing well. I joined a second committee to help out, it's in pretty bad shape, but it's causing some vexation at the moment. Offered to help out with some JASCO stuff, but that's just upsetting me because there was a passing mention of making me an assistant. Add a second HA in there.
Junior League is pretty cool, but again, keeping me busy. None of the other three New Members in my committee are motivated to do anything, so I've organized one event, and have started organizing the next one, all on my own. While helping out with the bigger committee projects AND finishing ALL of my required volunteer hours (in less than the first two months of the League's calendar year).
Right now I'm struggling with keeping positive, which is funny, because generally it's not hard for me. But I think part of it is that non-existent support system of mine. I haven't had a break in the storm, just endless fighting to prove I'm worth something, and then not being able to bring in a paycheck.
I've put on weight again, I eat well some days, not so well most days, and I've gotten to play a bit of tennis this month. I need to do more, and try harder, but I already feel so degraded. Some days I just feel this extreme amount of disappointment seeping into my skin and it weights me down. What's the point? Why am I helping so many people and no one is helping me? Everyone just uses the excuse that the economy sucks. Then why am I the only person in my circle I know who doesn't have a job!? I'm exhausted and nothing is changing for the better. I just keep fighting....
"Reaching for the top on an endless journey
I’m sure that will prove that we’re alive. Oh, yeah! Even if reality beats you up and almost knocks you down
I’m sure you’ll look straight ahead and walk forward, Dream Fighter"
Also knows as the only song that can make me cry, bar none.