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Thursday, October 28, 2010

Weight: 184 lbs

Neck: 13.5 (down 0.5)
Upper Arm: 12.5
Forearm: 9.5
Waist: 34 (down 0.5)
Hips: 42
Thigh: 23
Calf: 15
Rib Cage: 32

Not much has changed since last week and I'm not surprised; I've been busy, thus neglecting my daily exercise. I'm down one inch, but I believe the only reason I haven't gained or lost weight is due to high levels of stress (not getting much sleep & food isn't very appealing). I've maintained my 10 daily glasses of water, but my body is probably in starvation mode right now.

I went to my first counseling session this week and have committed to weekly sessions; I'm still shopping for medical insurance (for my girls--the VA provides mine) and I'm amazed by the expense. I applied for assistance via the state, but was denied due to income requirements; the VA has previously denied my claim (for dependant insurance), so I'm left wondering where's the assistance I've always heard about (for a single mother)?

I'm meeting with a divorce attorney on Friday to discuss my case; he's one of the few I've found (who can provide for all my needs) willing to accept a payment plan and to offer a free consultation (with a retainer fee of $2,500.00). The price of a divorce is shocking, but what's a girl to do? The last six months have been a lie (my husband was never in school--he's established a new life with another woman) and his exact whereabouts are unknown (although my instincts tell me he's in Georgia).

This could potentially complicate matters, but my main concern is my daughters. How any "man" could be so deceptive or abandon their children is beyond me, but that's his loss...not mine. My daughters are my world and its my responsibility (as a mother) to provide for them, whether their father decides to or not. I'm a strong woman and no matter what's thrown my way, I believe (with God's help) I'll be able to overcome it. I've never claimed to be perfect, but my girls know their momma loves them unconditionally and is here to stay= )

I'd like to thank everyone for their advice, support and other various comments. Its comforting to know my SP family is there when I need them! Perhaps some may find this odd, but Sparking is my outlet: a healthy way to give and receive support. Everyone has a different opinion as to how one should deal with their emotions--please don't criticise mine. My Spark time doesn't interfere with my ability to parent, nor does it prevent me from being able to complete daily tasks.

Sending ((((Positive and Skinny Vibes)))),

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    OMG girl.. I did not know this. I have not talked to you in a while. Last I heard you were staying with his parents and he was in school and ya had sold your house in Willis. Call me ...936-444-9088.. I am here for you anytime. I am so sorry you are going through so much.
    2587 days ago
    Hang in there hon. I'm in my second marriage. My ex has no purpose in my life. I don't talk to him. My oldest sons are 26 and 29 now.
    I won't say anymore on the matter because me and my sons have closed the book on that chapter of our lives. They know they are part of my family now and that's all that matters. Be strong, keep a daily journal, show the absence there of the father. But move forward for you and your children. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. *hugs* Jean
    2667 days ago
  • DRB13_1
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    Divorces are difficult, but necessary to reclaim our lives sometimes. Here's another shoulder to lean on from someone who has been there...twice. Focus on you and the girls, and if issues come up during the divorce aim to get out - not to get even. Ulltimately, you'll be better off.
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    2723 days ago
    Ohhhh Baby, I know the pain of abandonment, lies, and unfaithfulness. It felt like it was me and my two kids against the world...for years! Things WILL get better....God has something very special in store for you...stay under His wings of protection. Rely on The One That Loves You Best...and I hope you have the support of friends, family, and a supportive and loving church family. We care about you... emoticon
    2731 days ago
    I left my children. I never stopped loving them.
    I got my oldest when she turned 14 and her mother couldn't deal with her. We were separated for ten years before we got a divorce and I remarried.

    I don't know your advantage to getting a divorce.
    I didn't know there was help for a single mom after the child was five. (And that may be controlled by income.)

    I'll pray for you and your girls. I love all kids (except between 13 and 22).
    2734 days ago
    I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. You will make it through this because you are focusing on your girls and being their rock when they need one. You can rely on us as your rock to get you through the tough times. Take care.
    2734 days ago
    No criticism here! I think you are awesome! And SP is a wonderful place. I often find, I'll spend some time on Facebook catching up on a few people...and then I decide to go over to Spark...and it's where I REALLY want to be. I can count on positive and happy information. It's such a great group of people. You're in the right place. I hope that these issues with your husband and the insurance work out for you soon. You are right in putting your faith in God. He is the one who knows the plans that are right for you. Keep sparking! emoticon emoticon
    2737 days ago
  • LUCKY-13
    You have my support, prayers and positive thoughts as you go through this transition! I know you're going to do an excellent job of taking care of your kids, and please do the same for yourself.

    2746 days ago
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    We are here for when you need us! SP is a great place to come for support, I am sorry about everything that is going on for you and your girls. You are doing a great job and I am impressed that through all this you are still blogging! Keep up the great work.
    2747 days ago
  • ENUFF81020
    Hi there Sweetie,
    First of all, you are doing so well with your health and physical needs--great job.
    Secondly, there are times when you have to make the tough decisions--I am sorry for what you are dealing with--and that cost is enormous for someone trying to change their life--but you know what is best. Please let us know how to support you in your efforts. You are there for us and it is time for us to help you out.
    You are an amazing lady--and you will come out on top of all of this!!
    Gentle hugs,
    2747 days ago

    I am so sorry you and your girls are having to go through so much. I saw the mess my mother went through during her divorce, and I know how devastating it is to realize you have been lied to for so long. If you ever need to vent, please feel free to email. I don't think any sensible person would even consider your spark time takes away from how you care for your girls, please don't worry about that. I am sure you are a GREAT mother! It is obvious you love your girls whole heartedly! I don't know if it helps you any or not, but during my parents divorce, I kept telling myself 'That which does not kill me will make me stronger. God WILL NOT give me a bigger cross than I can bear!' That is what helped me through-especially when I was called and ordered to testify. Best of luck to you and your girls!

    PS - not sure how the laws are in your state, but I am pretty sure where we live the state has a program for affordable basic health care for kids. Maybe yours does too.
    2748 days ago
    Hang in there, Melissa. I'm sending you those (((positive vibes))) and prayers to help get you through all of this.

    2750 days ago
    2751 days ago
    I'm sorry you have to go through such a mess. You seem to have a fantastic attitude. You're right. Your girls need you more than ever now. Hang in there!
    2756 days ago
    Melissa I am sorry you have a messy divorce to deal with as you are trying to make you the best you can be. Thinkgs will fall in place and you will get there. Best of luck to you.
    2756 days ago
    emoticon You will do it. I believe in you! What is more important is that you believe in yourself.
    2756 days ago
  • DAWN19591
    you go girl I have been there my husband was a truck driver well you get the idea, he lie to me for so many years till it caught up with him. I raised 3 children on my own and never looked back things can be diffcult but you will be fine. God Bless you hold your head up and be strong. your spark friend, Dawn
    2756 days ago
  • RAVEN227
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    2757 days ago
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    2758 days ago
  • CANDOK1260
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    Hope You have a good week. Alos be certain . I am praying for you and your kids. You will get through this God will help You emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2759 days ago
  • HOPE2011
    We love you! Anytime you need us, we're here! emoticon
    2759 days ago
    Dear Melissa,

    I am so sorry to hear about the new challenges you are facing. You are a strong woman and I know that you will make it. I am sending love and positive thoughts and vibes your way!

    2760 days ago
    You are so amazing,you are the emoticon Mom and deserve the best Mom award emoticon emoticon Your daughters will grow up to have the highest respect for you and I admire your strength and dedication to there needs and I pray you take some time for YOUrself,you deserve it Melissa!I am here if you need me,I am just a click away.You can always count on my support and admiration and prayers emoticon emoticon emoticon Diana emoticon
    2760 days ago
    I hope everything works out for you and your daughters. emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2760 days ago
    Hang in there emoticon
    2760 days ago
    Hello my friend, i havn't been getting you blogs recently as no notification! Have just read your last blog. Hugs and wishing things were better fot you. take care. Libby emoticon
    2761 days ago
  • EDOWNEY1972
    You are awesome and inspiring!
    2761 days ago
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    2761 days ago
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    2761 days ago
    2761 days ago
  • PUGRAD1995
    You must follow your heart and let your girls know at the right time why you did things. My parents never divorced, and they probably should have. The tension and avoidance that our family endured until my father died pretty much broke apart our family and it has taken years to bring it back.
    2761 days ago
    My dad did this to my mom years ago, I really never forgave him for what he put her through, he even took off in a truck that was still being paid for in her name, I so feel for you and hope everything turns out well, It is to bad he is not around, he is the one that should be paying for their insurance.
    2761 days ago
  • PHYL220
    2761 days ago
    There is something called "Divorce Pro Se" which means that you do all the leg work yourself. I got my divorce that way, but it was in the state of Wisconsin. I also knew my way around the court house and where to file what papers. I was not looking for a settlement - which I think is something you will need. I just wanted out as quickly as possible. I don't know if you will have the luxury of that option. Of course I still had to pay for all the forms and the filings for the paperwork so all together it probably came to about $400.00. But statutes have changed and each state is different. Don't let him get away with anything. Mine still had to keep up my medical insurance and was supposed to pay child support - which he did but I had to fight for it every month and he had more money than God. Do what is best for you. You have to be your own top priority now.

    2761 days ago
    Sounds to me like you have everything under control-or as much under control as can be in the situation! No wonder you had a migraine!! Feel better and know I am here for you! I am not here to judge you, just support you!! emoticon emoticon
    2761 days ago
    Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't.
    ~Eleanor Roosevelt

    You are an amazingly strong woman and I am glad to be here for you. You've got a level head for everything you've got going on. I've never been one to care much what other people think. Hence the quote! Have a blessed week and enjoy Halloween activities with your girls! emoticon
    2762 days ago
  • MESSA82
    WOW... you have had your hands full! So sorry babe! I know that you can find your strength and run with it! Just know that you are deeply cared for and can call on us for when you are weak! Sometimes the longest journey is the most fulfilling!
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    2762 days ago
    Keep your chin up. I have no doubt that you are a terrific mom!
    2762 days ago
  • NLS2013
    emoticon Adding my support! I'm so sorry for all you are going through. Be kind to yourself and lean on the people who care about you! You will get through this.... one little step at a time! emoticon
    2762 days ago
    Everyone has said things so eloquently, that there is nothing more for me to add, except that you and your daughters are in my thoughts and may things all work out for you. Sparks is a great place to find support. A healthy lifestyle includes being mentally fit, and there is nothing wrong with getting unpleasant things off you chest. Writing about them is very releasing.
    2762 days ago
    2762 days ago
    You'll get the exercising and nutrition back on track. No worries. You are emoticon & emoticon !!!!!

    emoticon emoticon & emoticon emoticon to the girls, too!
    2762 days ago
  • 150-HERE-I-COME
    Sending a million emoticon & emoticon to you and the girls!
    I am here for you in any way I can help and wished I lived closer to give you a shoulder to lean on. You are an amazing, strong woman and YOU WILL come out shining in the end!! Hang in there and message me (or call me! my # is posted on my FB page!) anytime! Now....sing it with me!....I WILL SURVIVE! (((HUGS)))
    2762 days ago
    emoticon hope you get back to regular exercise soon!
    2762 days ago
    The others who posted before me pretty much said it all. I am just jaw dropped at your situation. I'm sure your lawyer will say the same thing but this man should have to pay the insurance for the girls. I'd say make him pay your lawyer fees too or at least some of it. You are so much better off without this guy. You deserve better and nobody should criticize you for dealing with it however you choose. You should be applauded for not taking a baseball bat to GA and knocking some decency into him.

    Now single mother help....sorry to say it's not as available as people think. Being a single parent I can tell you that I've had to pay for lunch at school for the kids and even pay for state funded insurance. My ex is in jail because he wouldn't pay his child support so I received very little help there. He'd work long enough to tangle the system and go months without paying. It's a long story. I make to much to qualify for housing help or food assistance. I only qualify for medical now on just Jerica because I quit my second job. I can advise you to check into partial disability through Social Security. If you can get approved you will get medical BUT so will the girls and they may draw actually even receive a small check each month. I know there's a stigma placed on drawing and being labeled but sometimes we gotta do what we gotta do. I will also advise you not to do it until after the divorce or at least talk to someone about making sure the hubby can't get any benefits off you while you're going through the divorce. I'm not sure on how the benefits work if you're still legally married.

    Hope this helps. I'm here if you need whatever. I'll even PM you my cell number if you want to call or text. I know sometimes in the past (and now) that I'd like to just pick up the phone, vent/confide to another person just so I know I'm not carrying it alone. Peace be with you Melissa.

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    2762 days ago
    This is a LOT to bear. But you are Bear Gurl so I know you can do it. It sounds like you are keeping your wits about you and doing what you can. Know you are not alone.
    2762 days ago
    You are amazingly strong and you will make it through this. Your daughters will never forget your strength and courage, and just remember we are here to support you! Take care,

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    2762 days ago
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    2762 days ago
  • RONIE11
    We are survivors... we will not let men ruin our happiness... I'm proud of you for moving forward instead of being in a puddle of self pity... Your girls are so lucky to have you... its important that they don't feel abandoned but loved instead... He will some day regret his cowardly actions and that will probably be something you will never see... this other woman will be at the other end of this some day.. what goes around comes around.. my first hubby was involved with another woman and I told her to watch out... and she laughed at me... but not for long.. he never changed... he just lives with his regrets...
    SP is not just here for calorie counts and articles... its a full suport program... you are always welcomed to spark and to grow as a human in any area of your life you feel the need for.... Hugs ...Ronie
    2762 days ago
    Yes Melissa - you are strong and I believe that you will be fine. The most important thing, as you said, are your daughters.

    I am so sorry to know that you are going through all of this. You would think with all of the programs in this country that you would be able to get some help with medical insurance. Don't give up - keep fighting and trying.

    As far as your husband is concerned - it IS his loss, not yours. All you can do is whatever you have to do to make the best life possible for you and your girls. Just keep the faith and things will work out for the best.

    Although we don't know each other that well, but I want you to know that I will be here for you, to lend an ear and a long distance shoulder to lean on. You are a beautiful person and don't let anyone lead you to believe anything different.

    Take care of yourself! Sending lots of hugs your way!

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    2762 days ago
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