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Thursday, October 21, 2010

He looks all strong and proud, doesn't he!?

Well, he is. MOST of the time.

But not ALWAYS.

This is my DH. He is a wonderful man who is riddled with all kinds of quirks that can annoy the heck out of me, and do so frequently.

Today I read a Spark blog from a very busy lady who does an amazing job at helping others, and how her husband had a "tantrum" about needing her time.

It got me thinking about just how selfish we can get while meaning to do "good".

It feels wonderful to help others. Charity work is good for the soul. It makes us feel all clean and "good".

I make quilts for kids with cancer as my main mission. I can get all caught up in them, making them my life's priority.

I frantically design, cut and sew the quilts, then photograph them, then rush down to the post office to mail them off.

Then I frantically dash home to repeat the same process.

I am a woman on a MISSION!!!!

Housework doesn't get done, no gardening, no time to chat with friends. No time to make "real" dinners........just throw any old thing on, or mostly, leave meal making up to DH.

Usually during this madness, meals are eaten too late to be enjoyed. I stare at the TV until bedtime, not talking or engaging in what is going on around me.

These hours run in to days, and the days run into weeks if I am not careful. I hibernate in my house, doing the "good" work.

I get to quilt club once a week and talk about nothing other than quilting.

I do not contact my friends in any personal way; only by computer. And then the contact is brief and hurried.

I literally lose myself in all of my wonderful doing "good" for others. I proudly spout that "Most people live their entire lives not knowing their purpose. I'm blessed, because I KNOW I AM DOING GOD'S WORK".

But you know what??? A LOT of work I do for others really is feeding my own ego.

Yep. I get in to that "Look at all I do for others; aren't I wonderful?" thinking that, but not saying it. I leave the saying up to others and then pretend to be humble, when in actuality, many times it is EGO.

I need to ask myself the questions:

"What am I doing for my MARRIAGE?"
"What am I doing for my FAMILY?"
"Am I as kind and attentive to my family as I am to others?"
"Do I give equal time to my husband (and family) as I give to others?"
"Am I as KIND to my husband as I am to others?"
"Do I smile and chat with my husband as I do with others?"
"Do I dress my appearance as nice for my husband as I do for others?"
"Do I seek out kindness I can bestow on my husband as I do for others?"

When we got married, we vowed to place each other and our marriage above all others. AM I DOING THAT??

If I am being honest, most of the time, the answer is NO.

I take my husband way too much for granted. I do not give him the time nor the help he deserves.

Husbands are funny creatures. Mine comes across all strong and "okay" with what I am doing. He even praises me at times for all I do for others. He dutifully takes photographs of my "good work", and many times has taken the quilts down to the post office for me while I continue doing "good" at home........FOR OTHERS.

He quietly puts meals on the table, and doesn't complain when the laundry isn't done.

In fact, he gets very QUIET most of the time.

Have you ever noticed that when you feel neglected, you get QUIET?

It is time to take notice of DH, too.

I took a good look at myself years ago and saw that I needed to get HONEST WITH MYSELF ABOUT MY CHARITY WORK.

I hated what I saw.

A whole bunch of my charity work was based on EGO. Based on lifting my OWN self esteem. Based on IMAGE.

It is good to do for others, but remember that old saying "CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME"???

I am returning to my old schedule, beginning TODAY, of having Sunday be MARRIED DAY.

I will plan nothing with anyone other than my husband, not answer the phone for that day, and focus entirely on our marriage and his needs and pleasure.

I will re-awaken the romance in our marriage by keeping myself up as much for him as I do for others.

I will smile more, and verbally let him know how much I appreciate and love him.

I will plan on fun things for US to do, or help with a project WE need to get completed.

Inside those strong men we married are still little boys who need us.

A very wise man once told me that "The ONLY job men really have is to please their women. And the ONLY job women have is to let them know they are doing it!"

I will let my husband know he pleases me.

I married this guy because I lOVED HIM. It is time to PROVE IT.

No one else's needs are as important as my husbands. I must remember that, and live up to it.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    As always, I just love you to bits!! You hit the nail on the head, and for me its a perfect message right now! I've been more than busy taking care of my newly moved family, and I have whined more than a little about how far I have fallen down the priority totem pole...my poor, over worked husband has dropped a few notches too. Thanks for the kick in the pants! I need it from time to time...I'm not the only one in this marriage with less of what I need and more of what I dont need right now!! emoticon
    2766 days ago
    Thanks for reminding me to appreciate my dh. Like yours, he supports me all the time--now it is my turn to support him.
    2769 days ago
    You have a treasure {Hubby} give one whole day...to just him...
    2769 days ago
    I am not married and this blog touched me. We can become so caught up in "doing" that we neglect those who need us. What great insight and isn't it wonderful that you saw this and know that changes need to be made before the opportunity is not there! Bless you and all that you do and all that you will do because you opened your eyes and ears to see and hear what was being "whispered and shown" to you - you know who was doing that - yes, HE was! emoticon emoticon
    2769 days ago
  • MINDY517
    What a great blog...thank you. Makes me really think about my own personal life and marriage. I think I need to make some changes myself. Again, thank you for the inspiration!!
    2769 days ago
    I LOVE the idea of a 'married day' once a week to focus on my hubby and our marriage! It's so easy to get caught up in the busyness of 'doing' and 'sparking' that I forget to take time to focus, really focus, on him. It's not that we shouldn't 'do' for others, but not at the expense of our spouses. Thanks for the reminder and the idea!
    2769 days ago
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