8 Wk. Battle 10- Day 2
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Day 2 update because I said I would try to do this each day and I don’t want to fail at it… Yesterday was a rough day 1 long story short I found that my son still (after talk after talk) wants to continue to lie to me over the stupidest stuff. Things that had he just told the truth wouldn’t have been anything that he would have gotten into serious trouble over. I have done everything you can think of to get him to make better choices and still he wants to do what he is not supposed to. It is so frustrating and heartbreaking… I just don’t know how much more I can take. I mean he is only 11 now and it’s never anything that is too serious, but what am I going to do when it is serious? I just don’t know if I have what it takes to deal with all the things that are to come with being a parent? Am I strong enough to deal with the hurt and disappointment that it entails? I mean I know I have no choice, but I still worry…(I worry about everything it’s just who I am)
Besides that things at work are kind of crazy, starting this Thursday I am getting a new boss temporarily and you never know how that will be?? I have never met that man I am really not sure what to expect or what he will expect of me so that has me on edge. Our whole company is supposed to have many changes made to it by the first of the year and it has really gotten a lot of us wondering if we will still have a position and that has caused some stress for sure. I try to just go with the flow but it seems everyday someone has some new gossip to thicken the plot and like I said I am a worrier.
I have gotten lazy with the house keeping the last few weeks and now this weekend Brian’s parents will be here all weekend, so I am trying to get things company ready and it just seems there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything. I get home at 5:30 pm then it’s homework or helping the kids study, then dinner, then making sure everyone is ready for bed and trying to clean, plan meals for the following day, exercise… by 9-10 all I want to do it go to bed or sit on the couch and relax with a glass of wine. Ha yeah right then the dog wants to go outside every 10 minutes! It’s just so hard to keep up with everything and even though Brian helps A LOT I still feel like there is never time to do anything extra.
I have been thinking a lot lately about “living everyday to the fullest and like it’s your last” and I have come to believe it’s just not possible. I am so stuck in the day to day tasks I have No time and if I have the time I have no energy to stop and enjoy it. I had an old friend pass away a week ago and found out today another has brain cancer, you would think it would be enough for me to say you know what life is just too damn short I want to enjoy some of this journey and I have thought it over and over, but that doesn’t mean I can do anything about it and if I can I have no idea how? It’s just always something and that something is usually something I am worried, upset, stressed or flat out tired of….
Hopefully one day my blogs will be more positive and happy, but right now I am just not feeling it.
As for my goals for yesterday, I did track my food, I stayed in my calorie range, drank more than 64oz of water, took my vitamin, didn’t exercise, didn’t take my measurements and didn’t take my before pics . so I guess I should be happy that I accomplished part of what I wanted too!