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8 Wk. Battle 10- Day 2

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Day 2 update because I said I would try to do this each day and I don’t want to fail at it… Yesterday was a rough day 1 long story short I found that my son still (after talk after talk) wants to continue to lie to me over the stupidest stuff. Things that had he just told the truth wouldn’t have been anything that he would have gotten into serious trouble over. I have done everything you can think of to get him to make better choices and still he wants to do what he is not supposed to. It is so frustrating and heartbreaking… I just don’t know how much more I can take. I mean he is only 11 now and it’s never anything that is too serious, but what am I going to do when it is serious? I just don’t know if I have what it takes to deal with all the things that are to come with being a parent? Am I strong enough to deal with the hurt and disappointment that it entails? I mean I know I have no choice, but I still worry…(I worry about everything it’s just who I am)

Besides that things at work are kind of crazy, starting this Thursday I am getting a new boss temporarily and you never know how that will be?? I have never met that man I am really not sure what to expect or what he will expect of me so that has me on edge. Our whole company is supposed to have many changes made to it by the first of the year and it has really gotten a lot of us wondering if we will still have a position and that has caused some stress for sure. I try to just go with the flow but it seems everyday someone has some new gossip to thicken the plot and like I said I am a worrier.

I have gotten lazy with the house keeping the last few weeks and now this weekend Brian’s parents will be here all weekend, so I am trying to get things company ready and it just seems there isn’t enough time in the day to do everything. I get home at 5:30 pm then it’s homework or helping the kids study, then dinner, then making sure everyone is ready for bed and trying to clean, plan meals for the following day, exercise… by 9-10 all I want to do it go to bed or sit on the couch and relax with a glass of wine. Ha yeah right then the dog wants to go outside every 10 minutes! It’s just so hard to keep up with everything and even though Brian helps A LOT I still feel like there is never time to do anything extra.

I have been thinking a lot lately about “living everyday to the fullest and like it’s your last” and I have come to believe it’s just not possible. I am so stuck in the day to day tasks I have No time and if I have the time I have no energy to stop and enjoy it. I had an old friend pass away a week ago and found out today another has brain cancer, you would think it would be enough for me to say you know what life is just too damn short I want to enjoy some of this journey and I have thought it over and over, but that doesn’t mean I can do anything about it and if I can I have no idea how? It’s just always something and that something is usually something I am worried, upset, stressed or flat out tired of….
Hopefully one day my blogs will be more positive and happy, but right now I am just not feeling it.
As for my goals for yesterday, I did track my food, I stayed in my calorie range, drank more than 64oz of water, took my vitamin, didn’t exercise, didn’t take my measurements and didn’t take my before pics . so I guess I should be happy that I accomplished part of what I wanted too!
Until tomorrow…..
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  • GUNI50
    Danielle, came to this blog by "accident" but don't believe in them...does your son write? I bet he has a super imagination and decent verbal skills?! If you catch him in a lie, have him write a story titled "The Lie"...1 page at least, and has to be a complete story, written within 24 hours....make him use his "imaginative story" AKA lie. If you catch him in another, he has to make up a new story, same title, same deal...of course he'll try to test you out to see if you are serious, its normal behaviour and expected, especially of smart make the deal stick. You may be surprised that after a while, he likes making up stuff, or writes a story in advance and has to cue you that a lie has been told so he can give it to you, writes a "book"!
    ...all this has happened. My kids are not little anymore and their current lies are more finely tuned, like yours and mine, for discretion, to save someone from being hurt etc. They have learned when it is OK to lie.
    3375 days ago
    Hang in there.

    Parenting is tough and we all go through those challenges of teaching our kids what they should do. We have to remember that they do get a choice and I'm a strong supporter of ensuring that they know what the expectations are and what the result of meeting those expectations are or the consequences (of their own choice) is. I use to yell and get in a big fight with my teenage daughter. Finally, I figured out that I needed to sit down with her when we were both in a good place mentally and emotionally and discuss the expectations. She helped me come up with the list. She also helped me come up with the "consequence" list. I told her that I desired to allow her to have lots of fun and go and do but that she was choosing by her behaviors ....what she really wanted. Does that make sense? email me if you care to chat or vent! HA! HA! I survived it but it wasn't without thinking my daughter was NOT going to survive her 13th year of life.

    As for the house, suggestion... everyone in the family can help with the their contribution to living in the home. It's not just mother's work.

    And as for living each day like it's our last... it sure would help us not stress and worry so much. When I get overloaded, I think about how I would feel if my child was diagnosed with a terminal illness or in a tragic car accident. It really does help put things in perspective. Also, I have found if I will take a little time in the morning to think on or write down things I am thankful for... it sure helps me realize that in the day to day ho hum stress of the regular comings and going... my life is blessed and I am thankful to be alive.

    Hang tough with your children (or son) and keep holding him responsible for his actions. It's important to tell the truth. It proves he is trustworthy and that is what allows you to trust him to go and do ... if he can't be trust worthy, he can't go and do until he can start being honest. Honesty is key so you are doing the right thing...even when it feels like you are hitting your head up against the wall.

    3377 days ago
  • LEAKAY59
    Truth is such a difficult thing to instill in our children, Danielle. I recently learned that my 23-year-old has been lying to me for several years about how his life is going. He was trying to spare me the worry, but had to finally tell me that he was in serious trouble, financially, emotionally, and mentally. He had been self-medicating for years, and was suicidal the month before he told me all this. I have tried to convince him that I worry anyway, so I'd rather worry about what's really going on, that what my imagination can conjure.

    Sorry, didn't mean to dump this here, but I guess my point is it can definitely get worse, so I hope you can nip this now, before it does get serious. Feel free to tell him my story anytime you think it may help. Sometimes shock value is important. God Bless.
    3379 days ago
    jfrogdiva is right you should really check out there is even a team here for fly babies.
    3379 days ago
    I am not a parent so can't help you there!!!! Sorry!!!But, the house stuff.....have you ever heard of "FlyLady"?? She has a VERY workable system for keeping the house up & she soes it with babysteps & only in 15min intervals!!!! I had "CHAOS" (can't have anyone over syndrome) at my house until I started getting the flylady emails & started doing her stuff!!!! It REALLY works!!!! Her site is free & you don't have to buy her program or anything, just sign up for the free emails & over time you will get all her info!!!! I'll try to find the link for you!!!!
    Hugzz ~ Jae emoticon

    3380 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/19/2010 5:59:56 PM
    It is hard to have your child lying to you - it makes you wonder if you can trust anything they are saying. I made it clear to my children how important it was for me to be able to trust them and that when they lie to me and I find out about (which you usually do)there are two things that will happen (1) I will be more angry than if they had not lied to me, and therefore the consequences will be larger, and (2) that when you lie it takes away any trust that they may have built up with me. I stressed how important it was to tell me the truth, that I want to know that what they are telling me I can rely on and that I don't have to worry that if they tell me they are going to the movies, I won't find out later that they went to the mall. If I can't trust you, how can I allow you to do things with your friends. You expect the truth from me - I am not expecting anything from you that you would not expect from me. Your soon-to-be husband seems to be a big participant, make sure he is part of the solution to this. Also, maybe for the rest of the week you could both work on getting ready for the in-laws - him with the homework and you with dinner, and then both of you cleaning around the house. Get the 11 year old to participate too tell him how important it is to have his help in getting everything ready for his soon-to-be grandparents' arrival.

    My thoughts will be with you. emoticon
    3380 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/19/2010 5:02:37 PM
  • NEWNAC304
    Sorry you're struggling right now. It is hard to find a balance in life but something we all need to do. Good luck in your journey.
    3380 days ago
    Hang in there! When I realized that my 6 y.o daughter was in the bad habit of lying about silly stuff I took a radical approach. I caught her in a little lie (it was about a sweater she told me she brought home from camp) so I made her stay home from a family night out to dinner and a movie (on MY 15th wedding anniversary!!!) I had her go straight to bed. She cried and carried on for hours, but I didn't relent. I didn't yell. I just told her that lies hurt everyone, and this time hers spoiled our whole evening, and our celebration of my anniversary. The next day I told her 2 things: 1) that I know that she has been lying to please me or spare me from hearing something she thinks I don't want to hear, but that from NOW ON-instead of getting mad and yelling- I promise to put OUR RELATIONSHIP and the TRUTH before my reaction. That there may still be consequences for her bad choices, but that I promise to be happy with her telling me the truth. (like I will give her big hugs and remind her that I LOVE HER AND THE TRUTH more than anything. 2) That when she could go 10 days without telling a lie, I would take her to that dinner and movie she missed the night before.
    And she did it!
    3380 days ago
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