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Week #19 and the fear factor

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

This is week nineteen on Weight Watchers. [ Yay Accomplishment! ]

I feel pretty good about my success thus far and I know that accountability has been the key to it. But not for the "normal reasons".

It's that I never like to look bad.
I don't want to be the one who fails. Failure is not alright with me.
Don't get me wrong, I am not a person who HAS to win or that's super competitive. I just get afraid, afraid of failure, so I don't even try.

I have episodes in my life that I still regret, because I did not just jump into it and go for it! You know, just forget how it turns out, how you will end up looking. Just enjoy yourself and do it. Come what may.

Back in the early '90's my boss & I went to Texas on business. We gave an after hours event where there was this mechanical bull. All night I kept telling myself I would be next to get on the bull. I kept telling myself, "so what if you fall off, most everybody is falling off!" But each time someone stepped off, I froze and did not get on. Till this day I regret that. And there have been other situations just like it. I wonder why I do that? Why do I let fear keep me from enjoying my life?
I will be 56 yrs. old on the 24th, (yay me!) and still can't swim. This past spring I got tired of being the one not in the pool or just dangling my feet on the edge. So I went to the neighborhood Y and joined the adult swim class.
Every Sat. I would have the worst butterflies before class, my mouth would be dry, I'd be shaking on the inside. I would debate back and forth whether to go or not. Now nobody knew I felt that way, cause I can be a good faker at looking brave. Again because I don't want to look like the "chicken" I am.
Anyway, I went to every class, did what I was told and got my certificate. But, you might wonder why I say I still can't swim. Well on my on, I can't just jump in that water. Kudos to me though, I went to Mexico this year and jumped into the Pacific Ocean "to snorkle",(with Hubby). I made myself do it, just so I would not have another one of those regrets like the mechanical bull. I guess as I look back at what I've written here, I can say I'm a fighter. I mean I didn't give up even when scared to death. That's a fighter, right? And so that brings me to weight loss.

Tomorrow is weigh-in and I am a little nervous that I have not lost any weight (for the third week in a row). emoticon ok accountibility where are you?

I do not want to fail. I am afraid I will. But thank God, I will keep fighting and trying till I get this right.
I believe in the power of prayer and the ability we as humans have to overcome ANYTHING when we believe. I think that's how I have made it thus far. I will keep that alive in me and expect to win! Nope, no failure here!

Pray for me!

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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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