Do I Trust God's Love Enough to Follow the plan?
Monday, October 11, 2010
I am not a prosletizing person. But I do know that God fits into this process. I've been trying so hard to get fit on my own. I hate the fat obsession. I hate the number of books, magazine atricles, groups, online support, and trainers I've gone through. I hate the number of first days.
I know every journey begins with a single step, but really how many single steps have I taken? So, many that I need to admit that my combined single steps have created a journey to fat.
So, by using Joyce Meyer's new book Power Thoughts, my intention is to turn my mind from navel gazing weight loss and open it to the world around.
It was tough this weekend. The struggle to not obsess might have caused the worst fight (not a tense adult marital argument but a childish yelling fight started and continued by me) with my husband in 20 years---- over house cleaning. Not obsessing made me more present. Made me see stuff in me that I had been hiding from myself. I took what I saw, what I felt out on him.
OOh I hate it- bring back the fitness magazines. Don't show me how I'm not returning phone calls, cleaning house, takng care of business... let me go back to just focusing on my weight.
Anyway, I kept up Joyce's first week thought like a mantra, "Only with God's help am I strong enough to do anything" and " With God's help, I have set my mind to accomplish this"
So this week, I need to face the issue of trust. Do I trust God, the Universe, My Higher Power, my Greater Soul, enough to let go of my need to control and just follow the plan.
I don't know. But by taking the blinders off, seeing what havoc my weight is really causing , seeing how my efforts are just diversion, I realize that I really reallly need something bigger, better than just me.