60,000-79,999 SparkPoints 73,285

Stinkin' Thinkin'

Friday, October 08, 2010

Things were going great, I was exercising a lot, enjoying it (most importantly) and not really losing weight, but not gaining either. Then I started to cough. Just a little at first, but my antennae went up as my radar detected a potential problem. I have asthma. Not just "in-the-spring-I-sometimes-use
-my-inhaler asthma. But the spending-multiple-two-week-hos
-to-IV-steroids kind of asthma. The kind that has almost killed me several times. The kind that made me spend two years in a wheel chair because of the damage the steroids did to my muscles. That kind.

And the fall and winter are my awful seasons. So far, I've had a good streak, since last May and my last hospitalization. I'd lost 50 of the 80 pounds that steroids had packed on me...and am once more strong...muscles are even beginning to show. So I'd allowed my hopes to rise, just a little bit. And thought to myself, "maybe this year, I can get away without a problem." So when the cough started and the stuffed nose, I was a bit worried. Next came breathlessness. So that, when I go up a flight of stairs, I'm bent over hands on my knees gasping like a marathon runner just crossing the finish line. I triied to take a walk yesterday. I went with my daughter in case I had a problem...and didn't make it very far down our road, when I had to admit defeat and turn back...barely making it home and needed a quick nebulizaer treatment.

So, when the cough started and became more persistent...and when my plateau stretched from weeks into months, I started to slack off a bit...Not tracking food, and since I couldn't do the cardio work, well, being me, I just gave up the whole thing. Not for long mind you...only for about a week...when I happened to weigh myself...just curious, you know. And Oh my extra ten pounds were there staring me in the face! Well, I told myself, you might be retaining water, it might be the wrong time of the month, it really wasn't first thing in the know; excuses. And so I weighed myself again....a couple of days later...and got the same number looking at me.

So, for a couple of days, i just ate whatever my little heart and my growing stomach desired. Until it occurred to me. Just because you can 't do cardio doesn't mean that you HAVE to gain weight; it doesn't mean you HAVE to lose your nice muscles; it doesn't mean you HAVE to get a flabby gut again. You can still do strength training, and you can still do some easy walking or riding the ergometer...and you can STIILL watch those calories and eat healthy. Because not only was I eating too much, I had been very lazy about cooking and was not eating balanced meals....Not at all.

It was my old Black and White Thinking...the kind that comes along with the eating disorder package...which was causing me to completely roll over and die here. Just because I'm walking with a limp doesn't mean I have to be bedridden! So, today, I re-thought some of my goals. I wrote my new weight on the Spark ticker (which I'd been "neglecting" to do for a while) and I changed some of my food and exercise goals...I've been rreading The Spark and doing the 28 day program all over again...and journaling.

I'm going to do this...Asthma or none. Even if I have to go back on steoids. and even if I get weak and gain weight, I can still make healthy choices...and come next spring, I'll be ready to lose those pounds and climb my way back up that ladder once again.

Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Yep, eating healthy is not conditional on how we feel. We can do it anytime we want!

    My eating is dependent on my mood. But if I stay away from carbs, I do much better.

    3653 days ago
  • VXWALL1942
    Fall down 7 times; get up 8. Japanese proverb

    Good for you committing to continuing to live the healthy lifestyle you've battled for. You are a winner! When all is said and done you'll still be living healthy. Proud to know you. You've got support and encouragement anytime you need it. Just holler!

    3663 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7658463
    I hope you are feeling better today. I sent you an email. Hugs my spark friend.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3664 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7820132
    I am sorry you have had such a rough time. Good for you for not quitting! Good for you for setting goals! emoticon
    hang in there Kiddo!
    3664 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.