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Sunday, October 03, 2010

Today's tv sermon. Although I've read it here on sparks hundreds of times that the affirmation of positive thinging and speaking makes changes. Today somehow it struck me differently.
My 15 year old daughter has been up to mischieveous things and somewhat disgusting--ie.. not flushing on purpose, leaving unmentionables around on purpose, stealing things from other peoples rooms etc... So I have been trying to deal with this to "train her up in the way she should go", but I was being very negative... how dare you do this... how disguisting... and have tried to elicit the help of my husband, who also is negative about it... Then today the sermon on tv was stop saying negative things, you are inviting negative in and positive will never come.

So I told myself. be positve and this is what I said... HOney, (husband) I know that you will be successful in getting your daughter to wipe the jelly off the counter and put the lid back on it and back into the refrigerator. He was floored... what I'm going to be successful?!!! A few seconds later, he calls my daughter downstairs and says to her, honey, come give dad a hug, how was your night? would you be so sweet like you are to go wipe the cabinet down and put the jelly away? REaction--sure dad and went straight to the job.

Second negative thought,. I walked in to the toilet to see left items---wanting to scream, I said, honey since you were so successful with the jelly maybe you can get the toilet flushed too. He walks in to the toilet and is negative with me this time.... why don't you teach her how to do this.(which to me is negative like, I haven't tried a million times and failed)... So this time I said, well, I think you will have success and I will continue to be a good role model so she can see how to flush..

So instead of accepting, that I'm a failure at teaching, I looked to find how I am successful...

Negative number 3 ..Youngest has been getting up... iI hate school, I don't want to go. He asked last night, is tomorrow school? Yes I said, He starts in...I don't want to go. So then I fess up and say, no not really but it is church school. Phew he says at least it's not school. So I said we have to think of things that are going to help you like school. This morning after tv, church when I knew I was going to hear, I don't want ot go to church, I said, sweety, I'm wondering what fancy clothes you are going to put on to be your best dresed kid at church tonight... A few minutes later, he came to me with a long sleeve checked button down shirt with a half tied tie and dress shorts. So not matching yet sooooo cute. With the cutest grin, he says hows this. I say, you look handsome. And then I helped him pick out another shirt that would match the tie, got on you tube to find out how to tie the tie and then he was ready. Wow what a difference, Instead of saying,,, that doesnt match, I had said you look handsome and his demeanor was completely different. We have to go to church now mom, I look good.

Lesson. I have to think of myself positively even though others don't. I have to say positive things to get positive results and I have to do it when things are NOT positive, not when they are. That's the secret--to be positive when things are not. Turn negative into positive at every opportunity and do it all day.

Now if I can remember this... see how easy to be negative... I'm going to forget...

Now I read Bet's blog and it said... post some post it notes... Course then I get negative, we went to buy post its and it's going to cost 18.00... can't do that... yikes and the cycle of negativiity continues.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, I'm glad I happened upon this, Joy. I swear...I can not in any way see you as negative. You are one of the most up lifting people I've ever had the pleasure of "knowing" on Spark.

    I always think of a line from a show...Someone was going home and was nervous about seeing their Mother. When she asked her husband why as an adult her Mother still knew how to push her buttons...he said...BECAUSE SHE INSTALLED THEM. Still makes me grin. We are always installing buttons on our kids. They may act out...they may seem to ignore us...but they are listening.

    Don't beat yourself up. You can't always think of a positive way to convey what you would expect or like from them. You are obviously working at it like a loving Mother...that shows. And all means...get your dear husband to help. You're a team. And believe me...they notice that too. And in the long run...that is a lesson in itself.

    One thing that always helps me is a deep breath. That gives me just enough time to think of the right words...or sometimes to simply smile and let it go.

    Hang in there,'re an awesome lady! mary
    2770 days ago
  • BET212
    It sounds like you ARE doing a good job on turning things around with a positive outlook. But it does take practice. And remember, it's progress, not perfection.

    I wouldn't spend $18.00 on post its either...just use any notepad and tape it where you can see it (and where the tape won't ruin the surface, of course).
    2780 days ago
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