I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Losing weight. Why does it seem so hard? Gaining weight on the other hand? It's a piece of cake, or two.

I've been heavy, not really fat, my whole life. I always thought I was fat, but looking back at pictures I wish I could travel back in time and tell that little girl that she looks fine and she's capable of so much and worth so much more then a number on a scale. My weight has always been a hinderance and mentally and emotionally kept me from doing things I wanted because I thought I was too fat.

I was never much of a dieter. When I met my husband I weighed about 150 pounds (and thought I was so fat). When we got married six months later I weighed 160 pounds. Five months later we got pregnant and I was 175 pounds. My husband is not a little guy and I was trying to keep up with his eating. I quickly dropped the weight after my daughter was born and got back to 175. At that point I contemplated dieting, but never really took it seriously. Then when my daughter was a year old a major life change happened. There was major turmoil in our lives and immediately I began packing on the pounds. I joined Weight Watchers at about 199 pounds. That lasted a little while. When I went back to Weight Watchers again I was 206 and my daughter was 2 years old . I will never forget, this was the last summer I ever wore shorts. That was eight years ago. Steadily my weight has creeped higher and higher with every passing year. I've attempted diets only to give up after a short period of time and the weight I've lost comes back and then some.

Now, here I sit, 245 pounds. How did I let this happen?

I can't change the past, but I can create the future I want for myself. Sadly at this point it will take lots of extra work at this point to get myself where I want to be.

I'm reminded of the poem Invictus by William Ernest Henley. I love the last two lines and repeat it to myself often. "I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul."

I need to remember that when life overwhelms me will reaching for that food really get me where I want to go? Will it really make me feel better?
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  • no profile photo CD8333900
    I can relate to much of your story. For me, it's time to get serious and stop wasting so much time and thought feeling bad about being overweight. Instead, it's time for action!

    3463 days ago
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