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Getting it off my chest, pun intended

Monday, September 27, 2010

I won a session with a personal trainer at my gym, and one of the first things he asked me is what my goal was. When I couldn't answer, he offered a couple of body types I might like: Beyonce vs. Serena. "Yes" and "yes" were my replies, lol. I know they look different, but I like the femininity of both of them and especially Serena's strength. But in the end, I know I cannot look like either.

I find it frustrating that the more I lean out, the less feminine my curves become. It doesn't help that one of the "women" whose figures I most admired growing up was Jessica Rabbit, a cartoon for goodness sake! I am trying my best to come to terms with this conundrum: improve my body overall while removing one of the most important feminine body parts (to me) at the same time. But it's better to love 90% of the new figure and buy a special Victoria's Secret bra than to love 10% while fitting into a size 16. Sorry this isn't really a happy blog, I just needed to get it off my chest (haha).
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi Ayanna: I like your new blog. Congratulations on winning a personal trainer. That's wonderful; but, even more wonderful is your approach in knowing what goals you want to attain. The most important thing is that you do what's right for you and your body type. You are "fearfully and wonderfully made". You have encouraged me with your working out in order to maximize your full potential. There's greatness in all of us and I am blessed by your wisdom. God bless you. Love, Mom emoticon
    2792 days ago
    I feel you Ayanna.. when I was at my smallest, I was often joked on (by family members) because of my relatively small and somewhat flat butt.. :- / In fact, I started eating MORE food in college because a guy or 2 commented that I should be even "thicker" in that area.. sigh...so sad!! If I had been satisfied with my body at that time & appreciated it for what it is, maybe I wouldn't be in the shape I am in today! I started eating b/c I thought, well, it couldn't hurt -- plus, I noticed I was getting rounder in all the right places... (Up to a certain point ... that roundness became a little more extreme & not quite as flattering as the years went by!)

    Yes, I have the boobs, but we're all wishing we had more or less of something else. For me, it's the round derriere. But, truly, there is no perfect body -- even plastic surgeons make mistakes (ewww!! lol). We will always find something we're lacking that our society (and maybe we do too, internally) deems valuable.. But I am challenging all of us to embrace our natural shapes & love ourselves. I've resigned myself to the fact that my bootie won't be... well, you know... once I am at my goal weight. But, at this point, I'd take that flat bootie if it means I'll be healthy & trim. I'll still be looking good and I'll FEEL great! I'll be the BEST me I can be -- who could ask for more?!

    You, my dear, are naturally beautiful & wonderfully made :))

    Embrace YOU!


    2794 days ago
    That's funny because I had a breast reduction years ago and was so thankful for them to be smaller. They got a little bigger as I gained weight, so I wasn't happy about that, but now that I've lost weight, they've gone down some in size and I wish they would go much smaller.

    2794 days ago
    I know the STRUGGLE!! It prompted a slight identity crisis when I realized that I was fast making my way to a size A cup of all HORRORS!! I assumed that that size was the domain of tweens and stick-figure models. Well, I am now a part of the club. Plus, my boyfriend is a big time boob guy, so you can imagine my conundrum too. However, I have found that my curves are actually more emphasized now because my whole body is smaller. I feel way curvier now than I did before. I can see the roundness of my butt in my pencil skirts because my waist is so much smaller. My boobs seem to stick out further because my stomach is so much flatter. I think it all works out in the end. The fact of the matter is we were born with certain proportions. If you were built curvy, you will still be curvy when you lose weight.

    Just keep pushing forward. You will find new things to love. For me, its my toned butt, formerly nonexistent collarbones, and my smaller feet!

    Enjoy your body!
    2794 days ago
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