100-249 SparkPoints 171

Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman Part XXIII

Friday, September 24, 2010


Weight Loss: Gained the 2 pounds back that I took off this summer. I am incredibly frustrated. Even though I have a desk job, when I get home (and even on the weekends), I have such a low energy level. I watch way too much TV, and don't get enough activity during the day. The one positive thing: the activity that I do get is productive (treadmill, walking, elliptical, weights, and group classes), I just don't get enough. It's like I am inactive for 20 hours, mildly active for 2, and highly active for 2 hours.

Another problem is I am not taking myself seriously. The first year I joined SP, I lost 12 pounds in the first 4 months (which really only took 3 because I had a back injury). After 2008, no pounds lost and thankfully, only 5 gained in 2009. I have re-committed several times, joined a gym, tried to find workout buddys at work, but it feels that I am only doing things half way. It's like I don't fully believe in myself. Feeling this way, when I set a goal, I inevitably fail. I HAVE COMMITTED TO LOSING 10 POUNDS BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR, AND I AM SERIOUS! NO QUESTIONS, NO GRIPES, NO EXCUSES, NO FAILURE, IT MUST HAPPEN!!!!

Work: I have said so many times that I am happy to be gainfully employed. I have some complaints about my day to day work, goals, leadership, and whatever, but nothing that would make me consider leaving the company. It's difficult working in activity with a desk job that requires about 50 hours/week of effort. In order to maintain performance, I need to be at my desk except a half hour lunch and two 15-minute breaks. I do walk around our large office for some of my down time, but don't always get to.

I am also getting serious about thinking of my next position with the company. I will probably move to Denver, Little Rock, or Las Vegas sometime after spring of next year. It will be better for me financially, and I will try to get a position where I am in the field, so I am not tied to a desk for most of the day. I just hope that the right position and the right situation is available. And I feel that I don't want to return to those places fatter than I left, so weight loss needs to take a front seat.

Love Life: Not paying attention to it right now. If I can't take myself seriously as a desirable woman, how is anyone else expected to take me seriously as a potential partner? If I say if I am going to do something, and I never do, why would any believe me when I say anything? So, I deleted my profiles from the singles websites, and with the exception of a couple of free weekends with eHarmony, I haven't participated in any online dating activities since July. I thought that having a summer without the distraction would help me concentrate more on the weight loss, but it didn't. I just don't want to date someone when I am not at my best, or not even on my way. In addition to that, dating should wait until I get the scale moving down, and I decide what my next career step is.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    The exercise is key to losing weight. Hang in there and you can do it! 10 pounds by the end of the year is definitely achievable.
    3960 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.