Diary of a Mad, Fat Woman Part XXIII
Friday, September 24, 2010
Weight Loss: Gained the 2 pounds back that I took off this summer. I am incredibly frustrated. Even though I have a desk job, when I get home (and even on the weekends), I have such a low energy level. I watch way too much TV, and don't get enough activity during the day. The one positive thing: the activity that I do get is productive (treadmill, walking, elliptical, weights, and group classes), I just don't get enough. It's like I am inactive for 20 hours, mildly active for 2, and highly active for 2 hours.
Another problem is I am not taking myself seriously. The first year I joined SP, I lost 12 pounds in the first 4 months (which really only took 3 because I had a back injury). After 2008, no pounds lost and thankfully, only 5 gained in 2009. I have re-committed several times, joined a gym, tried to find workout buddys at work, but it feels that I am only doing things half way. It's like I don't fully believe in myself. Feeling this way, when I set a goal, I inevitably fail. I HAVE COMMITTED TO LOSING 10 POUNDS BEFORE THE END OF THE YEAR, AND I AM SERIOUS! NO QUESTIONS, NO GRIPES, NO EXCUSES, NO FAILURE, IT MUST HAPPEN!!!!
Work: I have said so many times that I am happy to be gainfully employed. I have some complaints about my day to day work, goals, leadership, and whatever, but nothing that would make me consider leaving the company. It's difficult working in activity with a desk job that requires about 50 hours/week of effort. In order to maintain performance, I need to be at my desk except a half hour lunch and two 15-minute breaks. I do walk around our large office for some of my down time, but don't always get to.
I am also getting serious about thinking of my next position with the company. I will probably move to Denver, Little Rock, or Las Vegas sometime after spring of next year. It will be better for me financially, and I will try to get a position where I am in the field, so I am not tied to a desk for most of the day. I just hope that the right position and the right situation is available. And I feel that I don't want to return to those places fatter than I left, so weight loss needs to take a front seat.
Love Life: Not paying attention to it right now. If I can't take myself seriously as a desirable woman, how is anyone else expected to take me seriously as a potential partner? If I say if I am going to do something, and I never do, why would any believe me when I say anything? So, I deleted my profiles from the singles websites, and with the exception of a couple of free weekends with eHarmony, I haven't participated in any online dating activities since July. I thought that having a summer without the distraction would help me concentrate more on the weight loss, but it didn't. I just don't want to date someone when I am not at my best, or not even on my way. In addition to that, dating should wait until I get the scale moving down, and I decide what my next career step is.