Friday, September 24, 2010
So my coworker had gastric bypass surgery 3 months ago. She was about 35 pounds larger than me. She is now 195 pounds. Everyone at work is calling her skinny and she's becoming more outgoing and she's announcing all the time that she's under 220, and under 210 and under 200! And it's so hard seeing this. I'm happy for her but a part of me is jealous. A part of me says, of course she's losing weight fast-she had surgery! A part of me says, you're not good enough, Courtney, to lose weight like she's doing. I have so many jumbled emotions b/c I'm not losing as fast as I would like. And what do I do? 2 pints of ice cream in 2 days. I am losing my control and I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm not making the daily choices I need to. I take 3 steps forward and then 5 back. SELF SABOTAGE. It's like I know I'm doing it but I can't stop. So last night, I felt so bad about eating the pint the day before, that I went to the store and bought another one that I inhaled in 5 min or so and then ran to the loo to let it back up. I have got to stop this vicious cycle. It's not good for me emotionally or physically.
I find that when I write sometimes, it puts things in perspective. A chinese proverb says fall 7 times, get up 8. So i'm getting up again. Just because I fall doesn't mean I have to stay on the ground. I'm going to keep fighting until I can't fight anymore.