Still struggling

Friday, September 24, 2010

So my coworker had gastric bypass surgery 3 months ago. She was about 35 pounds larger than me. She is now 195 pounds. Everyone at work is calling her skinny and she's becoming more outgoing and she's announcing all the time that she's under 220, and under 210 and under 200! And it's so hard seeing this. I'm happy for her but a part of me is jealous. A part of me says, of course she's losing weight fast-she had surgery! A part of me says, you're not good enough, Courtney, to lose weight like she's doing. I have so many jumbled emotions b/c I'm not losing as fast as I would like. And what do I do? 2 pints of ice cream in 2 days. I am losing my control and I can't blame anyone but myself. I'm not making the daily choices I need to. I take 3 steps forward and then 5 back. SELF SABOTAGE. It's like I know I'm doing it but I can't stop. So last night, I felt so bad about eating the pint the day before, that I went to the store and bought another one that I inhaled in 5 min or so and then ran to the loo to let it back up. I have got to stop this vicious cycle. It's not good for me emotionally or physically.

I find that when I write sometimes, it puts things in perspective. A chinese proverb says fall 7 times, get up 8. So i'm getting up again. Just because I fall doesn't mean I have to stay on the ground. I'm going to keep fighting until I can't fight anymore.

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  • CRESHA20
    I understand your pain, although I haven't been around someone who got the surgery. It's just being around people in general losing weight when yours isn't really going down as quickly as you'd like it to. If you look at it, you aren't that far away in weight from your coworker. I am wondering how happy she really is that she needs to get validation from everyone by announcing how much she's down constantly. When I was losing weight, I wasn't making announcements to anyone. People would notice and ask me about it, but I wasn't making a public spectacle of myself. I am not going to say that having the surgery is necessarily taking the easy way out b/c there are all types of complications that may arise. Also if the reason that you got that way in the first place isn't under control, that person will probably struggle with weight in the future. People get those surgeries and can still gain the weight back. I'm not sure if you watch the Biggest Loser, but there is this young lady on there who got gastric bypass at the age of 14. I believe her weight the first night on the show may have been 322. The woman on your job probably is just doing it to feel accepted. Of course you're not going to lose the weight like she's doing b/c she had to get something drastic done, which will force her to have to change her habits just as drastically. You, on the other hand, still have time to continue practicing these healthier habits until they become so natural that they will be second nature. There will be joy along the way for you when you reach your significant milestones because of all of the hard work and effort you've expended on this journey of life. So what if you ate that ice cream? You did not quit and that is what matters. Could you imagine what would happen to your coworker if she ate all that icecream after having that surgery? OMG, it would be a hot mess. My doctor has been trying to push that lapband surgery on me. I keep refusing. It is so tempting, but it's not what I want to do. She's like, it's what you need to really help get some of that weight off. It's discouraging when she tells me how hard it will be for me on my own and all b/c of the PCOS. She's not doing it in a negative way, just keeping it real. I won't give up, and I know that in the end it will all be worth it. I believe that at the end of your journey, you will probably look back and laugh at some of the moments you had that were so tough that you thought you wouldn't make it through. I can just see you pushing through. Just always remember that
    3763 days ago
  • TIERRA126
    Thanks, Soror for the kind words. It's always nice to know you're not going through certain struggles alone and that someone understands. I appreciate you and I hope your week is going well!

    3763 days ago
    Hey there Soror Courtney,

    Maaaaannnnn... you are definitely not the only one who feels the way you do when you see folks around you doing "quick fixes" to handle their weight issues, nor are you the only one who handles the emotional stress in the same manner. I am so with you girl!!!

    These days, hospitals/HMOs/insurance companies are handing out surgical weight loss procedures like it's candy. My doctor even offered it up to me, BUT I chose not to because I saw it as yet another quick fix and the physical harm outweighed the good for me. Not to mention, when all the fat is gone and these patients are walking around with flabs of skin dangling all over the place, these folks gotta find the extra $10-$20 G's for corrective, cosmetic surgery. It's just not worth it for me and I'd rather attempt the all-natural solution.

    You already know what you did wrong when you handled your emotions through ice cream. You also know what to do to fix it and make things better. You recognizing your faults is a plus because most folks try to overlook the bad so they can keep doing it. You're not going to keep doing it...you're going to work on this behavioral pattern that is not good and change it by taking a walk next time, or just sitting and dealing with your feelings so that you DO NOT drown your miseries in pints of ice cream.

    I know you can do this Soror...WE CAN DO THIS!!! STAY FOCUSED AND BE REAL WITH YOURSELF!!! Remember why you are on here!!!

    I got'cha back,
    3764 days ago
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