a mask of happiness

I am a 39 year old single mother of three children. A son who is 17 and twins that are 13, boy and girl. I have always been heavy and have gone on all kinds of diets and my weight has gone up and down over the years. I dont want my children to be ashamed of me. I dont want them to be teased because i am not the perfect looking mom..... I try not to think about it but it never goes away... and I am very busy as I work two jobs and am working on finishing my Degree in Psychology. I try to stay upbeat and for the most part when I am in front of other people they dont even know how unhappy I am. I am disgusted about how I look and I feel very ugly. I am hoping that this program will help me to become healthy. I dont want to be like this all the time and sometimes I really can feel depression creeping up on me. I know what its like to feel that way and I dont want to fall into that dark hole again. I have been trying so hard to loose the weight and trying to do it in a positive way. I just dont see the results... I dont see the weight loss.. yes, I see the clothes being loose but it doesnt feel good enough.. I dont know how to get out of the mindset.. I am trying to change.... and I just hope it comes soon.....