Dear Body, I am so sorry.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Dear Body, I am so sorry for what I have done to you. I remember when we would go ride our bikes around the neighborhood for hours, run and play with our friends and think nothing of it.
Then things changed. Cable tv came out, MTV, so many things on tv that we stopped playing outside and went in. And we didn't just stay in and watch tv, we snacked. You hated all the salty, sugary garbage I piled into you, and you let me know in so many subtle ways, but I was in charge. I made the rules, not you, and we did what I wanted.
Not what you needed. And I see the error of my ways. I have been seeing the error of my ways for years, but did nothing to change it. I still struggle to change it.
I will however work hard to overcome all the years of abuse and hedonistic garbage that put you here. I want to be able to walk without pain, I want to feel a burning in my hips from hours of sex, not because i walked up and down the stairs one time. I want my lower back to hurt from hours of gardening and yard work, not because I stood up. I have the tools, I have the knowledge, I have the support here, I have what I need, except the courage to work out in front of my family. Its not cool. I am still feeling embarrassed to work out in front of my family. My kids need to see me do this. They need to know it needs to be done so they don't get to this point. I point to myself and tell my daughter that "this is your future". She remains thin, but her eating habits are poor. Better than mine, but still poor. I need to be the change I want to see.
I will be one of those 42 year old thin women who can bend in the middle, I will be able to go for a 5k walk sometime and not wheeze across the finish line, or even consider the possibility of quiting. I will become what I want to see, I will have great big boobies and a small waist. I will be my pretty ideal. And I will start now.