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I Can't Hear You....

Friday, September 17, 2010

So here I sit at 6:15 in the morning, sipping my coffee and wondering what the heck is going on inside my brain. In spite of saying I "want" to get back on track, I have not, not since well before I went on vacation in late August. I suppose there are many things I can point to, the vacation, school and other activities starting up again, being really busy at work getting ready for the election that was finally held on Tuesday...but really, there is only one place to point my finger: at the woman who stares back at me in the mirror each day.

There is a quote that I love that I have posted in many different places over the past months, but it has generally been aimed at other people for sundry reasons. It goes something like this: I can't hear you, your actions are speaking too loudly. Well, this time, those words can be aimed at no one but myself. Every morning I get up and say "today, I'm going to exercise." Then, I come downstairs and I have my coffee and I start to putter, and there is always SOMETHING that keeps me from goint upstairs in time to do anything before I have to get ready to leave the house for work. But you know, I might be able to say that at least I'm getting stuff done when I do that (I won't but I could). But in the area of eating, well, there is no such statement that can be made. I usually do pretty well all day, but come night time, I eat everything and anything, I gorge myself sometimes..I'm like an animal roaming around, looking to do damage. It was really hard to write that last sentence, in fact I erased it, then I wrote it again..why? Because I have to come face to face with the fact that I might SAY I'm looking to get back on track, but I don't ACT like I do. I do nothing to put myself in a good position to be able to control that night time eating. Not a thing.

So, what to do? Well, right now, I'm channeling Darth Vader: "Luke, search your feelings..." I don't think I have a whole lot of searching to do to figure out the basis...yes, life is stressful, but I think it's even more basic than that: I like to eat, I don't want to have to stop. But you know what? I do have to stop. If any of the millions of words I have written on this topic in my life are to mean anything, I just have to stop. It's hard, but the problems that lie ahead if I do not stop will be harder.

So, I am going to become a Weight Loss Jedi..I am going to use the Force to effectuate positive changes..I am going to resist the urge to go over to the dark side.. Only time will tell if my actions will drown out my words, either positively or negatively. But I do know this: time is ticking, every day that I do not get back on the journey to health is a day that I am abusing my body more, and every body has it's limits. I do not want to be one of those people who waits too long and has irreparable damage done, or worse.

So beyond all that, I have no eureka moment..just one more public promise made to myself to make the very hard choices that healthy living requires..hard, yes, impossible, no.

May the force be with me and with all of us..
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JOANN562
    I think we all have been there at one time or another. Old habits die hard!
    Time to harness your beasts energy into something positive. Stop fighting it & try re-directing it. Distract it somehow. & maybe allow it to win occasionally (just don't let it know that it would be somewhat pre-planned & controlled) emoticon

    emoticon Hang in there!!!

    3719 days ago
    Who you are is speaking so loudly that I can't hear what you're saying. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    I've got *one-of-those* staring back at me, from my mirror too, T!!

    Just my 2 cents, but... that particular quote may be borderline negative for you right now, and... could subliminally be working against you. It's a bit dry humor sarcasm. Just seeing it on a daily basis, may have an adverse effect. Look for a new one, i.e.

    Your own mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can enter except by your permission. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Subconsciously, you're seeing that posted quote in all the different places you've chose to put it, ya' know? I'm not tryin' to give you excuses for the late night prowls, but there ARE forces to be dealt with, for example:

    Libra is the only sign of the zodiac symbolized by an object vs something creature. This makes sense in your quest for balance in your life because... you forget that you are, human. You forget you're allowed to make mistakes. Off balance, you'll often fall to the side of the extreme, which will cause you gr8 stress & unhappiness.

    Your Chinese zodiac, the Boar influences the Scales of balance by hating to be firm & putting your foot down, plus allowing people to take advantage of you, i.e. avoiding saying no (like the den leader thing a while back) sooo... not liking to be in the middle of arguments, you'll try to be the soothing for other people’s tempers to bring peace & calm. Generally, you have much harmony, inner peace, & a calm content within yourself, but... this IS the year of the Tiger, meaning challenges for many of us.

    THE FORCE, my Jedi sister, will start with what you've always told me!! Baby steps. Start by, i.e. making sure positive changes are in your motivation/inspiration notes you post... maybe even change up your avie, or SP page with Jedi pics & quotes for further reinforcements.
    3720 days ago
    THANKS ---couldn't have said it better myself :-)

    Appreciate you putting it all in words and expressing your genuine feelings.

    You can do it Ms. Jedi! I know we can resist that urge to go over to that dark side. :-} emoticon
    3720 days ago
    HUGS }}}}}}}}}

    Tina, I already think you ARE a weight loss Jedi! You know it all and then some.... which leads me to ponder the whys. I'm the first person to say that the reasons why don't matter as much as the choice to move toward goals and dreams... actions do speak louder than words... except when someone such as yourself, who knows what needs to done, consistently acts in an opposing fashion. I don't honestly believe that your oppositional actions reflect your true desire, or who you really are.

    "Come night time, I eat everything and anything, I gorge myself sometimes.. I'm like an animal roaming around, looking to do damage." This is a poignant and terribly beautiful sentence. I can feel it deep in my soul, so I can only imagine how it echoes in yours.

    Tina, I believe in seasons of the soul... I believe that there are times to reap and times to sow. I believe there are times to work and times to rest. I believe there are times to grow and times to reflect. I believe that the wild creature within you comes out at night to roam, once the business of the day can no longer distract you, because it has something to teach you. Perhaps it eats because that the easiest way to get your attention. Perhaps if you were to befriend it... wrestle with it... talk to it.... listen to it... fight with it in true Jedi fashion... it just might eat less, and teach more.

    Before a Jedi can fight all that opposes the force, she must fight all that crowds the force out of her soul. Jedis go in before they act outward.

    For what it's worth, this is what I believe...

    ...And I'm still praying...

    {{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}
    3720 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/18/2010 3:06:28 PM
  • no profile photo CD8301081
    You got this, hang in there.
    3720 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8301081
    You got this, hang in there.
    3720 days ago
    Weight Loss Jedi! I love it. emoticon
    3720 days ago
    You can do it!! I have had a couple minor setbacks to my new goals this week, but it is still paying off. I too haven't yet gotten back on that treadmill but today I will. My worst time for food is late evening but I'm going to work very hard on that beginning tonight. Enough is enough! So go for it Weight Loss Jedi! YOU can do it!!!!
    3720 days ago
    3721 days ago
    Be the force you need to be! You can do this Tina. Planning is everything (though time consuming in our hectic lives).
    3721 days ago

    YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! I have the faith that you will get back on track and you will get back into a great routine. You were doing so well last month, so you need to get back there. Good luck! Have a great Friday!!
    3721 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6473944
    You can do this! I am cheering you on!
    3721 days ago
    We all need the force to be with us. Yes its hard at times just fitting things, in with the clock racing by. I feel just as you do but have made Monday my target to be back on tracks I shall be thinking of you then. We can do it Ree emoticon
    3721 days ago
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