APPLESKI25

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Back and a Little Battle Weary

Sunday, September 12, 2010

I'm a combination of frustrated and trying to cut myself some slack, as usual. The cards were stacked against me. It's been 3 days of no computer, no phone, no writing, no showering, hours of prayers and then sitting around at a table with people shoving food in my face. THEN, today is a fast day, AND the clocks were set back an hour last night, when I really didn't need it!
All things considered I did well, the first two days. Then yesterday I thought, oh, I don't need to bring my own whole wheat bread. I'll be fine. Well, even though it doesn't make sense, that, combined with the fact that my boyfriend didn't want to come along with me to eat at my former teacher's for lunch and I felt abandoned, made me want to binge in the afternoon. I couldn't shake it. I went for a long walk. I went over later and spoke with him and felt a bit better.
But I knew that today was a fast day. So I told myself that if I stocked up and binged then the fast would be easy because I wouldn't want to eat. That's sort of true, but this morning I feel fat and gross and frustrated.
All I wanted to do last night was to go for a run and then start off the new year on a healthy track. But knowing that I would be fasting today (and not drinking either) I didn't want to do that. Now is not the time to be lax on religious obligations, but I really just want to take a break and take care of myself!!!
I want an OA sponsor already who can help me. But I still can't find one.
I'm tired of thinking that I can figure this out on my own.
I'm tired of having food control my life.
I felt so great for the few days, both before and in the beginning of the holiday when I ate sensibly and ate whole foods. Well, at least I did hours of walking over the holiday. I'm afraid to weigh myself.
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  • no profile photo CD6063397
    We all do what we can "Sometimes"...you will get back into the swing of things...I am not weighing my self either...If that helps you...your not alone here...over the wkend/ I felt full and stuffed. to - day is better I am back where I can control it...but only Jesus can really control the issues...
    of life and what you go though each day..their only Choice's
    we make on our selfs... emoticon
    3624 days ago
  • APPLESKI25
    Thanks Nathalie for the encouragement. I actually had to go to work today, and because the day before was Shabbat, I wasn't totally in control of when and what I was eating, but I drank a LOT!
    You're right, I do have a lot of willpower. Now it's time to harness it!
    Feliz ano nuevo! Shana Tova!
    3624 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6252112
    Hi there! Happy New Year!
    I hope you are doing well. I know the day is over and we finish with the fasting day but I want to make some observations here:
    1. Fasting is a process you should take more serious and prepare for that the day before for example; trying to eat less or just eat only fruits and vegetables so your stomach and your mind will be prepare for non food the next day.
    2. Don't make any activity that will implicate stress. The best will be stay at home.
    3. Your body will feel a little bit more cold than usual so have extra warm clothes handily.
    4. Your will be a little more sensitive about what people say or do, so another reason to stay calm at home. :P Don't be hard with yourself during this period doesn't help!!
    5. When you fast you should drink water, but since you are not allowed ,you can expect your body to retain water during time of fasting. So it is not good time to weigh yourself !!

    I think you can take care of yourself, you are fasting girl, you have a lot of will power!!!! Do you need another prove to tell to yourself that you have what is need it to change the way you are eating right now?

    emoticon
    3624 days ago
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