A Different Kind of Before and After (with Pics)

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Eleven years ago today I was in a hospital in serious pain, being encouraged to drink as much water as possible in order to make myself pee. Yeah, it was an extra special day. *lol* I went into the hospital on 9/8/9 to be induced to give birth to my first son. He wasn't due until the 12th but there had been issues. The biggest issue? In my first trimester I lost a lot of 30-40 pounds! (Whoever thought THAT would have been an ISSUE?) I signed in around 6pm, didn't get the induction meds until like 9pm, and by 10pm was in serious pain = labor. *lol*

A few hours later, after happy drugs and then only like 15-20 minutes of pushing, out came my beautiful boy...and then they stitched for 45 minutes. OW! So for days I was pretty much bedridden and in extreme pain. I couldn't hardly walk, let alone do any form of physical exercise! (Talk about progress! *lol*) He was beautiful and everyone fell in love with him immediately.

The next two years were...interesting. I struggled with trying to figure out motherhood, moving in with my boyfriend, starting college, and attempting to understand finances and how my life had been turned completely upside down. I'm sure I probably gained a lot of weight...and I gained more in the next couple years until I hit that highest weight - 466.6. I tried enjoying my boy, but I was struggling internally with trying to simply live through each day. It was a huge struggle. Depression. A rough home life. No money. I loved my son, but I wasn't really all.

Logan with his godfather.

Fast forward to this year. I took the day off work to take lunch to my son. His friends all said hello to me. I didn't hear one negative comment. I was proud to sit next to my boy and give him his Sky & Telescope magazine (present #1). I was happy and was able to do what every mother should be able to do on her child's birthday -- focus on my son. He's growing up way too fast, but he's beautiful and wonderful and I'm so proud that I got through those years of pain and struggle in order to get to here.

Yesterday his mother was strong and powerful and someone to he could be proud of...and that made me extremely happy.

10 minutes of morning Yoga
6 minutes Midday Cardio Warm-up
Midday ST including:
15 push-ups
1 30-second plank
100 crunches
15 lunges
15 squats
10 tricep dips
15 minutes on the elliptical after work
ST on the gym equipment (though a lot of our machines are out of order)
C25K attempt 2 - got through 3 run segments, 2 fast walk segments - 20 mins total

I was thinking of trying to fit in 30DS - L1D2, but I just couldn't after the 2nd attempt of C25K. My hip still hurts when I try to run. I need new shoes. I know that. Just have to figure out the money issue first.

So while I'm changing me for me, there's this added bonus of being able to really enjoy the life of my son. I wasn't the best mother before. A happy mother is much better for a child, I know that. And this version of me is much happier, healthier, and better to focus on him, his struggles, and what he's dealing with as he enters those crazy tween years. I feel like I know my son better. Today when I went to leave school after lunch, he came up and hugged me. In front of the entire 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade my son hugged me. For an 11 year old, that's really saying something!

I'd like to get to the gym today, but I can't make that promise right now. I need to run to the bank and the store, and then the boy gets home and we'll do homework, and then cake at Grandma's house, and then I should be able to get some sort of workout in. Whether in the gym or taking a walk with my birthday boy, I'll make sure I get my time in today, but the most important thing to me today is to focus on my son and make his birthday just lovely!
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  • ERIN4771
    sometimes in order to appreciate what we have, we have to follow the other paths as well, in the end, you are exactly where you are meant to be....keep doing what you are doing, you are an inspiration and every time i read your blog, i want to hop on a plane and give you a hug!!! stay positive e......and keep enjoying all the benefits of this new life you are creating for yourself and your family, that's what matters the most.....
    3933 days ago
    Stay on the path you are on and one day you will get to go have lunch with your grandchild. emoticon emoticon
    3934 days ago
    What a great boy you have, what a wonderful story.

    3935 days ago
    Sounds like you got a great kid there - he is perfect motivation!! =)
    3935 days ago
    Such a heartwarming story. It makes us feel so good to know that our kids are proud of us. My daughter was teased at her old school because I am overweight. It made her feel so bad because they were talking about me. I had to assure her that I was ok with who and how I was, although I really wasn't. It was then that I realized that my weight impacted her in so many ways. She is at a new school and no one has made fun of me yet, but then again, her new school has a much more positive vibe. She also sees me working out and eating better (still a work in progress), which makes her conscious of my desire to be healthier and thinner. She won a pedometer for being good in gym class yesterday, but she didn't know what it was. After I explained to her what is was and how to use it, she decided to share it with me. I Love That Kid!!! They make is proud, and they make us better!
    3935 days ago
  • LAURIE404
    Wow! You are amazing. Your beautiful personality shines through in this blog. Your son is proud of you and you should be proud of you. You are a wonderful mom. Every child deserves a parents love, but that is not always the case. Your son knows how much you love him and a loving mom is better then all the cake and presents in the world. emoticon Happy Birthday to your son emoticon
    3935 days ago
    so sweet :)
    3935 days ago
    Sounds like happy birthday is really what he has experienced and happy motherhood to you!
    3936 days ago
    What a wonderful tribute to your son and a testament of your strength. You are an incredible woman and I am not surprised that your son is so proud of you. Tell him I said happy birthday. My baby turned 10 on the 5th. Where does the time go?
    3936 days ago
  • MLW0421
    Love this story! Thanks for posting it. Happy birthday to your son :)
    3936 days ago
    Awesome--your son is no doubt incredibly proud of you. He wouldn't be hugging you in front of everyone if he weren't, and that speaks volumes!!

    3936 days ago
    Just beautiful! I agree...for an 11 year old to come and hug Mom in front of everyone...he's proud that you're his Mom!!
    One thing about struggles in gain an awful lot of insight into life, you APPRECIATE the little things so much more, I think...when you've had to struggle to get where you are. You've come far, and knowing what you do now, you WILL continue!! emoticon emoticon
    3936 days ago
    Happy birthday to your son and congratulations to you for all of your success so far. Keep it up. Your son needs you to be around for him.
    3936 days ago
  • MAGPIE17
    Happy birthday to your son! This is awesome, Esther!
    3936 days ago
    AW! This totally made me cry! I love you and I love your baby boy (and his little brother too!!). They are so lucky to have you as their mommy!!
    3936 days ago
    Wonderful. Absolutely wonderful.

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    3936 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6721736
    such a great inspiring i said are someone he can be proud of and look up too...
    3936 days ago
    this blog was fantastic. I currently struggle with a lot of the things you have overcome. It makes my heart smile to see what the flip side will be:)

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    3936 days ago
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    3936 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1425027
    I absolutely loved the honesty in your blog! You are the best kind of mama - one that parents from the heart!

    3936 days ago
    Way to make me teary-eyed. What a beautiful boy you have, mama. Happy birthday to him! You should be proud of all you've accomplished and are learning about yourself and your abilities. You are an amazing woman, capable of so SO much. Depression and anxiety (both of which I've struggled with for the majority of my life) are brutal, but do not have to knock us down for the count. I believe in you and look forward to following you on your continued journey.

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    3936 days ago
    with the exception of your trying times...
    this is the most beautiful blog you could write...

    and you are TOTALLY right...for him to come hug you in front of everyone, you KNOW you did SOMETHING very, very well...good job, mom, i'm proud of you too... emoticon
    3936 days ago
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    Happy Birthday to your boy!

    and happy non-scale victories to you. You must feel so very loved :)
    3936 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7009225
    Your son is so handsome! How awesome that you were able to take lunch to him! A few tears even ran when you said he hugged you in front of all those people. You are right, that says a lot about who you are as a mom!

    I loved this before and after, not about a camera picture, but a picture of who we can become when we take control and learn to like and then love ourselves (I am still at the learning to like stage).

    Congratulations on a job (motherhood) being very well done!
    3936 days ago
  • _SASX_
    He's jusst gorgeous. I know about struggling with depression, (HUGS) it's terrible. But look where you and he are now! Amazing. Simply amazing!!

    He is proud of you. And I can tell from this blog that you are extremely proud of him, too!

    Happy birthday!!!
    3936 days ago
    3936 days ago
    you have a beautiful son!
    3936 days ago
  • MABTE52
    Small steps help acheive a lot of miles. You are doing great! Just keep up the great work! emoticon
    3936 days ago
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