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I Am Determined To Learn From My Binge-Eating Episode

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

I am very thankful today is a new day and a new week, where I can determine to get back on track and get my butt back in a motivational gear. Normally I don't do too badly with my eating on weekends, but for the past week, I have failed miserably. And what is so disheartening is I knew what I was doing and I knew the choices I made were extremely bad and I would suffer the consequences. But yet I continued to make horrible choices.

For five and a half months I learned to make wise choices and making those almost seemed effortless. I did allow myself an occasional treat and had no problem saying NO to anything more. But a week ago, I'm not certain how or why it happened, but I allowed myself a second indulgence in a day, when I should have said no, you've had enough. But I thought, its only one extra treat and I will be back on track tomorrow. Well, its been a week and tomorrow didn't happen. One extra ice cream cone turned into a pizza, then more ice cream, then a lot of brownies, and this weekend was the worst. When I grocery shop, I do not bring junk in the house. If I want a treat, I normally bake something or buy a single serving, eat it and I am done with it. But something in me snapped Saturday. I bought a Churro (oh they are so good), then I bought 4 slices of cheesecake (a sample pack) then a half gallon of ice cream. Monday we had a picnic and I also broke down and ate a slice of carrot cake. I was SOOOO beyond mad at myself. I got on the scale anticipating a gain, but was really hoping I would not have one. Who was I trying to kid?? I put on 5 lbs last week with all my carelessness.

BUT - today is a new day and the beginning of a new work week. I am back into my regular routine and though I am so mad at myself for all my stupidity, I am determined to get back into a serious right frame of mind. When I woke up this morning I looked in the fridge at the remaining cheesecake. I stared at it for awhile debating what I should do. Leave it for hubby? Wait & eat it at a latter time? No, I grabbed it & threw it in the garbage. It doesn't need to be in the house. Then I opened the freezer. Yea, the ice cream will keep - after all it's frozen. I can have a bit on occasion if I incorporate it in my food log. But NO - I knew I had been bad long enough. I reached in and threw the remaining ice cream in the garbage. I ate enough sweets & junk in the past week to last me the rest of the year. I certainly don't need or want the temptation. I have worked so hard the past five months to eliminate the excess weight, I don't want anything else to tempt me to put it back on. So, it had to go.

I am sitting her today so mad at myself I could spit. I thought I had gotten a handle on all this binge eating stuff. I thought I was able to now make better choices, but I can see that if the offer presents itself, despite my gained knowledge, I am still prone to falling down. I'm just glad that five pounds is all I have to show for my bad choosing. But today is definitely a new and better day. I am back on track and determined to learn from this episode and more determined to not allow it to happen again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I understand. We're human. We fail. We also accomplish. Alot. Be good to yourself, Katie-- at least as good as you are to the rest of us.

    emoticon . You KNOW YOU CAN.

    2776 days ago
    Good for you for having the will power to throw it away!! that is the first step back into the right direction ..hopefully this week has been better!
    2780 days ago
    just pick yourself and and dust yoirself off.... start all over, you can do this!!!! it's only 5 lbs... at least you didn't gain 50 and then wake up... hugs diane
    2781 days ago
    Katie, I hope you'll try your best to completely and totally forgive yourself. We are all creatures of habits, whether or not weight counts among our struggles. Like so many of us (and you KNOW I'm raising MY hand! :), you've given in to binge-eating. Despite what any cultural "message" or "ideal" might be, binge-eating is not a crime. It's a variant of eating behavior - nothing more and nothing less, I believe. For so many diverse and ever-changing reasons, we engage in it. At my ripe old age, I finally just had to admit that it has me licked, that I'll always return to it in some form and for any reason. What I've done is to "pigeonhole" it, to relegate it to one day a month, indulge in whatever I want for lunch, and then refrain from eating for the rest of the day, just drinking water. Though it would be best if I gave it up for good and forever, I know myself too well to believe that will happen. Yet it's okay, and hopefully, once I'm at my desired weight, I'll be able to maintain it this same way. So far (knocking on my wooden noggin), it's working... Lots of emoticon - Sandi emoticon
    2781 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/8/2010 9:51:37 PM
  • ANNANN63
    Congratulations on throwing out the tempting foods. There are some things that it is very difficult for me to have in the house. Like you, if I want them, I buy one serving. We all have setbacks--you are not alone--you know how to eat right and you will lose these few pounds (and then more). So forgive yourself and enjoy the day. It will be OK.
    2781 days ago
    Wow. I like the determination in your words. All it takes is some determination and a plan. It sounds like you have both.

    Go forth and rock this!!!

    2781 days ago
    It's good to see you back on track, but you sure are hard on yourself!

    Recently I started keeping index cards in my purse and ANYTIME I eat I fill out the index card. Even if it's a taste of something. I have questions and evaluations like; were you physically hungry, was it a scheduled meal-time, what emotion did you feel at the time, were you hiding from someone, were you doing something while you ate. Then on the back I journal a little something about what the experience taught me. After only a couple days I found myself not eating just because I was too lazy to fill out a card afterward.

    But more importantly, every once in a while I go over them and learn so much about myself. You would think you would know who you are since you spend every second of your life with yourself, but we don't. I learned to recognize certain patterns, triggers and emotions that I needed to find better solutions to. I learned there a certain emotions I don't know how to handle and I need to learn. Just identifying it makes such a difference. I've also learned how to patient with myself...well more patient anyway and that has made a difference as well.

    Good luck and hope your week goes well.
    2782 days ago
    Im glad you got yourself back on track, you can do this, you will do this!! C'mon you are Hottie Mchottie and don't forget it! You got this! emoticon
    2782 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    As I was reading your blog, something really struck me. You said "I learned to make wise choices and making those almost seemed effortless." I think maybe that is the importance of this "episode." Probably, making wise choices is not always going to be effortless. Sometimes, due to life circumstances, stress, whatever, you're really going to have to fight temptation to stay on track. So maybe, that was the reason for this; like, you needed to learn how to deal with it when it's NOT effortless. I think that by assessing the situation and throwing out all of the trigger foods, you've made a really healthy step to getting yourself back on track, and probably you've gained valuable experience here that will help you deal with the next time you feel yourself slipping.

    Anyway, huge hugs. I hope you have a much better week this week.
    2782 days ago
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