And that was the weekend
Monday, September 06, 2010
I'm still feel really mixed up right now.
Everything coming at me feels really negative and I keep trying to fight it, but that doesn't keep it from weighing me down. My energy was way lower than it should have been for a three day weekend.
Nick's job is consuming him, and with my mom leaving my dad at the end of the month, there is no one there for me- I have to be there for everyone else. Plus, that's all exhausting. Picking up after Nick, keeping house, and emotionally supporting Mom, and Nick's occasional blue moods. How am I suppose to be doing much else? And Nick doesn't care that the bathroom is disgusting (it really is getting quite bad) or that the laundry isn't done- and I have to be out the door at 7AM.
I honestly don't know what to do about a job anymore. I'm pretty confident all the work I'm going to do this month won't get me a job. Or all the work I've done since April. I haven't had an interview in MONTHS. I want to go back to that manager at Dublin Library and laugh at him. One of the last things he asked me was if I'd stick around a part time job, and I mentioned I had college loans, but I'd love to be working in a library again. Didn't get it (obviously) and look! I could have been working there this whole time, hahaha, sticking around.....
There's just so many different types of pressure. Nick just wants me to work anything at this point, and Mom keeps making fun of me and what money? But Nick wants to quit his job so badly, which is how we get health insurance. Thus, MY job needs to supply our health insurance which means I can't take just any old job. I hate putting off my loans, I kind of LIKE paying bills, as special as that sounds. I like being responsible.
I hate complaining so much, but I have to let it out somewhere (see above). I feel like my life is wildly out of control and the rising and setting of the sun is the only thing that keeps pushing me along. When I started at Ohio State (and even still maybe?) their tag line was "Do Something Great"
Wouldn't I love to?