And that was the weekend

Monday, September 06, 2010

I'm still feel really mixed up right now.

Everything coming at me feels really negative and I keep trying to fight it, but that doesn't keep it from weighing me down. My energy was way lower than it should have been for a three day weekend.

Nick's job is consuming him, and with my mom leaving my dad at the end of the month, there is no one there for me- I have to be there for everyone else. Plus, that's all exhausting. Picking up after Nick, keeping house, and emotionally supporting Mom, and Nick's occasional blue moods. How am I suppose to be doing much else? And Nick doesn't care that the bathroom is disgusting (it really is getting quite bad) or that the laundry isn't done- and I have to be out the door at 7AM.

I honestly don't know what to do about a job anymore. I'm pretty confident all the work I'm going to do this month won't get me a job. Or all the work I've done since April. I haven't had an interview in MONTHS. I want to go back to that manager at Dublin Library and laugh at him. One of the last things he asked me was if I'd stick around a part time job, and I mentioned I had college loans, but I'd love to be working in a library again. Didn't get it (obviously) and look! I could have been working there this whole time, hahaha, sticking around.....

There's just so many different types of pressure. Nick just wants me to work anything at this point, and Mom keeps making fun of me and what money? But Nick wants to quit his job so badly, which is how we get health insurance. Thus, MY job needs to supply our health insurance which means I can't take just any old job. I hate putting off my loans, I kind of LIKE paying bills, as special as that sounds. I like being responsible.

I hate complaining so much, but I have to let it out somewhere (see above). I feel like my life is wildly out of control and the rising and setting of the sun is the only thing that keeps pushing me along. When I started at Ohio State (and even still maybe?) their tag line was "Do Something Great"
Wouldn't I love to?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey! I was gone from Spark for a while, but now I'm back! I went through and read some of your recent blogs, and just wanted to tell you to hang in there! I graduated in May of 2006, and didn't start a real-life, full-time job until January of 2008. I had done everything right in college - internships, student involvement, etc., but it's a tough world! I wound up taking first a contract job, then even an UNPAID internship. That internship led to my first "real" job, which sucked royally, but THAT sucky job led to my absolute dream job! It can be done! You can do it! Take a deep breath - 4 counts in through your nose, hold for seven counts, the release for eight counts. It helps, I promise!
    3617 days ago
    It sounds like you've had one hell of a summer with everything, but keep your chin up. We've all, hard rough times in our lives, but they make us stronger. I know that sounds like a cop out answer, but its true. My wife and I have had several setbacks over the years, But we've learned from them.

    Remember that you have a lot of Sparkfriends who care about you and will always listen when you need to vent.
    3623 days ago

    I'm glad that Spark can give you a place to vent.. you sure need it! I'm like you, I like paying my bills too--that's not a bad thing! The bad thing is when there's a serious cash flow problem =/ boo urns.

    You're such a sweet and loving person that everyone brings their problems to you because you take them so kindly. Little do they know that they're not the only ones unloading on you. Life sounds positively overwhelming right now. Let people know that you're getting a bit overwhelmed. Tell *them* to start a journal and give you some breathing room for a minute--that you still love them but that you've been innundated with requests for your time and energy and that you need to keep a little for yourself.

    Heh.. or maybe just fantasize about doing so :) it's easier to think about it than to do it for real.

    Keep your head up. These jobs that you're doing -will- pay off. Remember to chronicle them and keep your resume up to date. Start looking for recruiters and get them your resume. Keep your social networking sites up to date and professional (linked in, twitter, facebook, myspace etc.) Employers these days expect you to have an online presense (which I can't spell for the life of me right now..)

    Hope is a fickle thing. Don't lose it.
    3623 days ago
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