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Friday, September 03, 2010

The past year has bee a very bumpy road for me - not living with my child gives a lot of pain and shame. It is better now but I still get really strong impulses to commit suicide because I canĀ“t see any solution ahead and time goes by. It is a lot better because I have asked for help and gotten it.

Anyway, yesterday I had one of those really strong impulses, the first in a very long time. So I grabbed the phone and called an OA-friend. This woman has been abstinent for eight years and lives down south in Sweden, I have only met her in phone meetings and through OA-calls.

She sounded sad - she has a grown-up daughter who had a brain tumour removed a week ago - they had the pathology answers and the tumour was malign.

This put things in perspective for me. It is still a disaster not to have my daughter with me but she is alive and well as am I, there is hope and I can live one day at the time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post

    I am sorry about your OA friend's daughter, I say a prayer for her. Yes, when the thought of permanently losing loved ones knock youup side the head, the alternative of brief visits seems fruitful and fulfilling.

    Keep going, your life is getting better every day. I can hear it in your blogs. Last year your distress was much more pronounced in your blogs than here. I could feel your cires for help across the ocean. TOday, your cry is heard but not as urgent, I think you are doing better than you think.. OR perhaps it was the call before your blog.

    Many emoticon
    3378 days ago
  • RJANE40
    I am so sorry for your friend and sorry for what you're going through. I am glad that you got some perspective about your situation. Someone told me something last week that totally humbled me and made me realize how lucky I really am and made me count my blessings.
    3383 days ago
  • JOY1918
    Good for you for fighting through the pain and seeking help. One hour at a time, one day at a time and over time you will get better. We are all her for you, want you to be successful and you have shown that you can be successful. emoticon
    3385 days ago
    Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time. However, I am pleased that you have asked for and received the help that you need! Keep reaching out and you will keep getting stronger. I am glad that your phone call for support helped you to put things into perspective and to feel a little bit better about your situation. One day at a time an sometimes it is one minute at a time...deep breath, distract yourself, reach out for support and you will get through!

    Take Care,
    3386 days ago
    I too,do totally understand.
    You have to live one day at a time.
    You also have to wait for the solution to come to you,
    you are wise enough ,I know.

    There is a book by Paolo Coeeho:Warrior of the light.
    Full of wisdom.
    Check it out.
    and take it easy,we all care. emoticon
    3386 days ago
    It is all about choices isn't it? Choose life each day. Choose the joy of even having a child at all. Choose well!

    3386 days ago
    Such a touching blog. Throughout your own distress, you were able to be there for a friend. You were able to come outside of yourself and adjust your perspective. The topic of this blog is quite distressing, and yet I see so many positives. You recognized your feelings and knew to ask for help. You cared for a friend. You recognized that while things are not as you want them to be, you have comfort in the knowledge that there is still a future. Such a wonderful and tragic moment. Thank you for being brave enough to share it with us.
    3386 days ago
    I understand too well the suicidal feelings. But, each time (we) go there all (we) have to do is make it through that minute, that hour, that day, till it passes. And, indeed it will pass.

    I also understand the feeling of not being able to see solutions, but if we stay around (not commit suicide) solutions may come, or we may just become stronger where we deal with the situations without as much pain.

    I wish you all the best. And, please keep hanging in there.

    3387 days ago
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