Resentment and Bad Feelings...

Friday, September 03, 2010

I had a really craptastic interpersonal week. Apparently it has been Bitch Week in Minnesota, and it is making me feel bad about myself.

The first incident, I was able to ignore. It hurt my feelings a bit, but I brushed it off for the most part. I didn't let it affect my eating and exercising at all, and I still felt fairly well about myself. It was a little snarky comment directed at me during the State Fair. There was a Harlequin tent there, as in Harlequin romance novels. I'm not sure if I've expressed my love of romance novels--but I love romance novels. I am working on writing one (or 5). I immediately went over and dragged my cousin's girlfriend because we were going to take a picture with the hot, half-naked men (shirtless, not pantless). They were fine taking the picture, but as we were walking away one sort of gave me the You're-a-bull-and-the-world's-
a-China-shop look and said, "Don't knock that over!" All frustrated. 1) I was no where near the cup that he didn't want me to kick, and 2) real nice being an ass to the girl who was excited that there was a Harlequin tent. I'm sure your bosses would be real excited that you're alienating their demographic--and possibly one of their biggest purchasers!

Anyway, I let it go for the most part, but then today, after work, I went to Nordstrom's to pick up something from Clinique and to pick up my mom's pants that had been altered. I went into the department for the pants and the lady was a total freaking bitch! From the second she saw me. She half rolled her eyes, then I said I was picking something up and she gave me that up-and-down look, and went off to get it. She came back without it, asked me to spell the name on a sheet of paper, and then said (again with the up-and-down), "They told you to come to THIS department?" It was that look and that question in that way of, "Why are you even down here? YOUR department is upstairs." She couldn't say much once she found the f-ing pants of course, but still she was rude. I just about smacked her I was so mad.

Well, my self-esteem took a total nosedive after that. I went to the gym, even though I had zero desire after that, but I thought maybe I would be angry enough to work off some energy.

Then I did something stupid. I knew I shouldn't. It's RIGHT before my period, which means I'm bloated and feeling extra heavy, but I wanted to make sure my scale at home was right. I told myself at the beginning of the week, once I figured out I was in the throes of PMS that I wouldn't weigh myself until NEXT Friday. The scale was the same number (after subtracting my shoes and clothes and an extra pound for food eaten today) as at home...which means I hadn't lost anything. "Ok," I tried to tell myself, "Don't worry about it." Then I did my body fat analysis...it was down 2% from my original, but I didn't think that was enough!

You see where this is going? Not anywhere good.

I did work out for an hour, and I went as hard as usual (even a little harder), but I couldn't make myself do more. And when I got out of the gym all I thought was, "God, I just want a huge bowl of ice cream right now." Then I got all resentful because I wasn't going to have that because I didn't figure it into my calories for the day.

I am fairly good now. I didn't have the extra taco that I wanted, but didn't actually feel hungry for. I had a peach that was very satisfying, and I didn't eat the ice cream.

Still...I'm going to bed and it's 8 o'clock. Tomorrow will hopefully be a whole lot better (I have yoga, so it's already looking up!).
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm sorry you had such bad experiences back to back. It would probably help if we could each walk a mile in each other's shoes.
    2846 days ago
  • IVY_13
    I can never understand why sales people are so rude. Even if you don't shop there for yourself (at least not now), you can STILL shop there for other people. I can't say I've had that experience too much. I go to Victoria's Secret sometimes and buy underwear (other than lotion, nothing else fits me, and only certain styles fit me) and I'm always so paranoid, but thankfully so far, no one has given me the once over to my face.

    I always like to take feelings like that though and use it for workout fuel. Sometimes I'm tired and dragging and if I have some stagnant anger, there's no better way to get it out then with sweat or some good old deep breathing, yoga style. ^_^ You did exactly the right thing by sticking hard by every single area of you plan.

    And yes, the week of your period, the scale is ignored. No point in aggravating ourselves over nothing.
    2847 days ago
    Ghandi once said that hate is like taking poison and expecting it to hurt your enemy. (not the exact words but you get it), Whenever people are like this to me and I feel angry and resentful, I think of this saying. Find a way to let go of these feelings, the only person it is hurting is you. These people have to be rude, angry, and unhappy people to begin with. Their opinions don't matter, only yours do. You are a beautiful, successful person. You have made this commitment to yourself to improve your health which is admirable. You are holding to your commitment to yourself because you know that you deserve it. Remember all of your success and triumphs. You can't control the actions of others, only your reaction to those actions. You matter, rude people don't. Don't worry, I believe in Karma, they'll get what's coming to them! It is also commendable that you stuck to your convictions when you felt beaten emotionally. Food is an easy crutch when you feel down, but in the long run it can't really fix our feelings. Good job for sticking with your meal plan and your exercise routine!
    2847 days ago
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