Blub, blub, blub, blub, blub
Friday, September 03, 2010
I think I would be hysterical if I weren't so exhausted.
That sums up where I'm at right now.
Still fat, still unemployed and broke. Oh, and insecure.
What's really awful is I could use a truly good friend right now, the awesome ones that remind you how cool you really are? But all my friends need me. Not to belittle the point, but the ONE friend who said," let's have lunch today" when I said I was blue on my Facebook was cool and all, but then, in his ever drama-free way, said he has cancer. Yeah, I guess I am not EVER allowed to feel bad about myself, is that the message the universe is trying to tell me?
I know it can always get worse, but my life is stagnant! I keep fighting to change it, but at the end of the day I'm still fat, broke, and insecure.
My other friend, who's pregnant, caused all kinds of drama. I was suppose to plan her baby shower (one of three, actually), but made such a fuss (can't have it at a restaurant, I have to plan it with this other pushy loser friend, can't have it at my place, etc....) and when I told her I was kind of busy (by the time she gave us a date and a guest list- MONTHS later) she was really uncool about it. My wedding had less drama.
Vacation wasn't what I needed it to be, my genealogy research in DC sucked (and had some added drama), I got elected President of 40+, which I still don't know what I'm doing with that whole thing (no continuity manual for the executive board) and when I went to the Statehouse for the planning meeting for the Japanese visit, I was recruited to help (i.e. intern for free) at the Ohio Dept. for Development with the visit, plus the 3rd Annual Global Summit on the 22nd. The nice thing about ODOD is it's a bit like a normal job only it's a few days a week (two this week, though four next week). But Scott picks me up in the morning and he's now covered my lunch twice. Oh, and got my Junior League placement (my first choice!) Special Events, and Bargain Box is at the end of the month/first bit of October.
AND I DON'T HAVE A PAYING JOB.
It's just after 8 and I'm exhausted.
All I want to do is start my career and pay the bills at the same time. All the networking and volunteer work and phone calls and I haven't had even an interview in FOREVER. I seriously could cry. I feel like such a loser. What will it take?