Feeling NORMAL... and a Little Proud. :-)
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Feeling a little proud of myself tonight. :-)
You know, this knee and not-being-able-to-run setback is the biggest setback I've hit on this journey (thankfully). Boy did I let it throw me for a loop. And BOY am I grateful it happened. I'm feeling really refreshingly normal this week. I went to the gym three times and had good, hard workouts while I was there using new machines and challenging different muscles. On my "off" days I did whatever I felt like I could or wanted to do. This meant that on Saturday I mowed the lawn (which counts as activity in this house since it requires pushing a push-mower along 1 full acre of HILLS). On Monday I walked on the treadmill to an old movie at a comfortable pace. And tomorrow I'm thinking I'll do NOTHING. Really, this feels refreshingly lovely not to be convincing myself to run every day (or nearly every day) and not to be bathing myself in guilt on the days I decide not to run. Less activity has kept me more honest and selective with my food too, a nice little side effect. Having active days and inactive days feels normal, healthy, balanced--and these are all things I want for myself.
I'm dealing with a cold. It's nothing major, but it's left me feeling tired and out of sorts, and this weekend it shifted over to my chest (as colds generally do in this body). I went upstairs to go get ready for the gym, looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head. I decided not to force myself to go when I didn't feel well. This might sound like no big thang to some people, but for me to actually grant myself permission to skip a day I had planned to go to the gym? Tha'ts big doin's here. The thing is, it's MORE THAN OKAY to not hit the gym on a day when you feel terrible. In fact, it's the RIGHT THING.
When I was at the gym on Tuesday, they gave me a fitness assessment. I feel pretty proud of that too. I tested above average for my age in endurance and aerobic fitness level. I tested average in flexibility and strength. A year ago, I could never have hit those marks. According to the gym's machine thingie, I have about 31% body fat (she warned me it could be off by up to 3% in either direction). This means that about 126 pounds of my weight is all the stuff that should be there. :-) The remaining 50-55ish pounds, unfortunately, is fat. For my age, an ideal body fat percentage is 21-29%. I couldn't believe I tested so close to "normal!"
Based on this info, she set a suggested "low weight" for me of 159. That's only 20 pounds from where I am now. That too makes me feel incredibly normal! How much more manageable to think of losing 20 pounds than it was for me to think of losing 120!
Anyway, just feeling good. I'm feeling grateful. So overwhelmingly grateful. Life feels good, feels comfortable, feels stable. I feel proud of myself and happy with myself--things that I went without feeling for a very long time. But above all of that, I feel NORMAL. All those years I spent balking at "normal," and now today I'm celebrating how good it feels!