MSSUNBUG
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Feeling NORMAL... and a Little Proud. :-)

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Feeling a little proud of myself tonight. :-)

You know, this knee and not-being-able-to-run setback is the biggest setback I've hit on this journey (thankfully). Boy did I let it throw me for a loop. And BOY am I grateful it happened. I'm feeling really refreshingly normal this week. I went to the gym three times and had good, hard workouts while I was there using new machines and challenging different muscles. On my "off" days I did whatever I felt like I could or wanted to do. This meant that on Saturday I mowed the lawn (which counts as activity in this house since it requires pushing a push-mower along 1 full acre of HILLS). On Monday I walked on the treadmill to an old movie at a comfortable pace. And tomorrow I'm thinking I'll do NOTHING. Really, this feels refreshingly lovely not to be convincing myself to run every day (or nearly every day) and not to be bathing myself in guilt on the days I decide not to run. Less activity has kept me more honest and selective with my food too, a nice little side effect. Having active days and inactive days feels normal, healthy, balanced--and these are all things I want for myself.

I'm dealing with a cold. It's nothing major, but it's left me feeling tired and out of sorts, and this weekend it shifted over to my chest (as colds generally do in this body). I went upstairs to go get ready for the gym, looked at myself in the mirror and shook my head. I decided not to force myself to go when I didn't feel well. This might sound like no big thang to some people, but for me to actually grant myself permission to skip a day I had planned to go to the gym? Tha'ts big doin's here. The thing is, it's MORE THAN OKAY to not hit the gym on a day when you feel terrible. In fact, it's the RIGHT THING.

When I was at the gym on Tuesday, they gave me a fitness assessment. I feel pretty proud of that too. I tested above average for my age in endurance and aerobic fitness level. I tested average in flexibility and strength. A year ago, I could never have hit those marks. According to the gym's machine thingie, I have about 31% body fat (she warned me it could be off by up to 3% in either direction). This means that about 126 pounds of my weight is all the stuff that should be there. :-) The remaining 50-55ish pounds, unfortunately, is fat. For my age, an ideal body fat percentage is 21-29%. I couldn't believe I tested so close to "normal!"

Based on this info, she set a suggested "low weight" for me of 159. That's only 20 pounds from where I am now. That too makes me feel incredibly normal! How much more manageable to think of losing 20 pounds than it was for me to think of losing 120!

Anyway, just feeling good. I'm feeling grateful. So overwhelmingly grateful. Life feels good, feels comfortable, feels stable. I feel proud of myself and happy with myself--things that I went without feeling for a very long time. But above all of that, I feel NORMAL. All those years I spent balking at "normal," and now today I'm celebrating how good it feels!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MVICKERS21
    Thats so awesome! Im so happy for you! And you are very far from Normal! You are wonderful! Keep it up!
    2870 days ago
  • MUGGLE_MOM
    What a beautiful blog! I couldn't be more happy for you! I am thrilled that you are able to realize how much you can truly do, and what a capable woman you are! Huge Kudos to you on the fitness assessment. What a wonderful external acknowledgement of your hard work.

    I long for that 'normal' that you describe. I picture it more like 'settled' where there isn't a major crisis or self project that draws my full attention. A place where life rolls along with the natural ebb and flow and I can exist comfortablely without pushing too hard in any given direction.

    As always you incredibly motivating and I love reading about your journey. Another wonderful blog. Thanks so much for sharing!
    2877 days ago
  • KLAD_COCKERS
    Good for you Melissa! You have come SOOOO far from a year or so ago, when you were battling your demons of binge drinking and eating, and dealing with unsupportive "friends." I hope that you go back and re-read your early blog posts to see just how awesome you're doing!
    2877 days ago
  • ME_HERE_NOW
    love this entry :) keep rockin it out my friend!! tackling those challenges left right and center, woohoo!
    2878 days ago
  • CHERIRIDDELL
    I'd say you are an inspiration! How wonderful to feel so positive!
    2878 days ago
  • THENEWMICHAEL
    Wow! You should be really proud of yourself!
    Balance is so nice. Remember how good this feels and keep right on going with it!
    2878 days ago
  • SCHENPOSSIBLE
    Hooorraaay! Such an amazing shift and I'm happy for you. I know your knee injury had you feeling down and a little defeated but it sounds like you have not only bounced back, but you've bounced back strong! You are radiating confidence and I'm stoked and happy to see the ticker go down for these last 20 lbs. Excellent work, Melissa!
    2878 days ago
  • CIZETHEDAY124
    emoticon Ms. Normal!! emoticon

    You are doing such an excellent job on your journey. You are only going to flourish and I'm excited to see that happen!! emoticon
    2878 days ago
  • DESERTFLOWER8
    yes, yes, yes! i so identify with what you say about "normalcy"..(in fact, i once wrote a blog titled "the gift of normal")..anyway, melissa, i am so proud of you..it 's about so much more than simply weight loss, isn't it? it is ultimately about finding peace and balance in the way we live our lives, so that we may live outour futures in good sychronsitic health!! you are AWESOME!!
    2878 days ago
  • BANAN2
    Those assessments at the gym mean so much more than a number on the scale. To be so close to the ideal range for body fat is fantastic. It means you have not just lost a lot of muscle mass like you would if you weren't also working out. I would say you are not so much in the normal range, but the "desirable" one. Are you feeling desirable? You're looking it!
    2878 days ago
  • SIMPLELIFE4REAL
    Whoo Hoo for you! Ms. Normal Melissa!
    2878 days ago
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