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Today I Looked in the Mirror...

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Friday, August 27, 2010

This is a series I do on my other blog. It is an honest confession of what I see when I look in the mirror. The reflection that I see is more often than not a distorted image of what is actually there. When I was at my heaviest, I couldn't see that weight when I looked in the mirror. I knew it was there, but unless I looked at a picture that was taken, I just didn't see it. I chose to ignore it and pretend that it wasn't there. When I looked in the mirror 6 months ago, what I saw reflected back to me was closer to the Emily 6 years ago, and about 70 lbs lighter, because that is what I chose to see. Today, I do think that my perception of the Girl in the Mirror is getting more accurate, but it still isn't as true to reality as I would like because when I look in the Mirror I now see the Fat Girl I once ignored. I don't always see the New Girl that is standing in front of me. As I progress into weights that I have not seen since jr high, this New Girl is a stranger to me, much like Fat Girl was at one point. I am glad to say that I CAN see New Girl standing there, and I can realize that she IS me, and I smile. A true, happy smile because all of my hard work, the endless miles I have put on my shoes, the untold amount of weights I have lifted... I am starting to see what they are doing to and for my body. I guess it just takes my brain a little longer to catch up to the progress.

So for today here is my entry:
Today I Looked in the Mirror...

...and HONESTLY thought I looked thin(ner). It wasn't a positive thought I was just telling myself because I WANTED to believe it. I saw my reflection and I saw the miles that I have walked, the weights I have lifted, the good fuel I have eaten, the cookies I have passed up... It was a good start to the day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Congrats to you!
    2661 days ago
    You brought tears to my eyes as I read your blog. It is so true and I never realized that there were others that felt this way. Thanks so much for putting it into words when I couldn't.
    2680 days ago
    I can certainly relate to your story. I never saw myself as fat until I reached 400 lbs. I am a positive person and I've always had loads of confidence in myself. My highest weight was 496 lbs. It's interesting how we can block out what we don't want to accept. After 12 months, I now weigh 320 lbs. My goal weight is 140 lbs. I plan to release the remaining 180 lbs by December. This has been a learning experience for me. One mistake I will never make again is not owning a full body length mirror. Secondly, I will always keep a scale in the house and weigh myself weekly. I will also set monthly goals for myself and learn how much activity I need weekly to maintain my goal weight. Based on what I've learned on Spark People, to maintain 140 lbs I need to consume about 1700 calories a day to maintain this weight. I've also learned to plan and log every bit I eat. I have created a pretty interesting journal. Thanks for sharing.
    2692 days ago
    wow, great job!!!
    2710 days ago
    It was the same for me! When I was huge, I thought I looked just all right, and now that the scale says that I am 25 pounds lighter, I loook huge!! Amazing hu?
    2721 days ago
    I am cleaning out one of my e-mail accounts and just found this. It was truly encouraging and motivating to read. I am sure that I have done and continue to do the same thing, since I have often thought that one of my chief weightloss problems was the inability to see my real self, like you, either up or down. Perhaps the greatest compliment is to say I hope one day, I can be where you are.
    2734 days ago
    Great blog!
    2743 days ago
    Keep up the good work...you are an inspiration! emoticon
    2745 days ago
    May God bless your beautiful heart.
    2763 days ago
    Excellent blog! So true for me. I STILL don't see the fat girl but she's there. Every year, I go up a clothing size. I finally decided to do something about it and have just started. I'm up and down. One week motivated and the next discouraged. It's a long road but so good to know others have the same thoughts. Congratulations to you. I hope to see my thinner self in a true light one day soon.
    2765 days ago
    Congratulations on your weight loss. Kudos for sticking with your goal to lose for so long. Keep on keeping on. emoticon
    2769 days ago
    I loved this blog! Very inspirational, and very true...you write very well! You have a talent for that as well...yes, it is very true...our minds are amazing, and understanding how your mind has worked and works is a huge accomplishment...and we can choose to be positive, and see great things, and that is what counts! Lots of luck with your continued quest to be healthy!


    Link to my facebook page: http://www.facebook.com/profile.php
    2771 days ago
    I can identify with this blog. I do not look at my bottom half, where the weight is really bad, very often in the mirror. I want to pretend in my head it is not as bad as it looks in a full view mirror. I could not walk in public with the reality that I am so fat. I remember how nice my figure used to be so many years ago, and I do not really want to see what I look like now. I have seen it, but in my head, I keep thinking I am smaller. I know it is kinda weird, but I like this blog, because it lets me know I am not the only one that sorta thinks like that. Thanks for this blog. emoticon
    2772 days ago
    Keep on blogging. Your success is our success.
    2774 days ago
  • SWAN47
    Glad things are happening for you. Sounds like you are learning so much as you are losing weight. emoticon
    2774 days ago
    Congrats!!!! It sounds like you're doing great. I hope I can get there someday soon.
    2777 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2786 days ago
    This really spoke to me I am just starting and hopefully I will one day be able to post an inspiring and truthful blog like this. Keep it up and all the best for the future ..x
    2787 days ago
  • JGROTH51
    Way to go!
    2788 days ago
  • EUNIQ3
    congratulations on your progress!! emoticon emoticon
    2788 days ago
    I am sure your blog was an inspiration to many. Keep going and one day everything will be as it should. Keep up the hard work inside and out. I am going to forward this to my daughter=in=law as it this she will really relate to this.
    2791 days ago
    So true, I think I am looking better then I see a picture of me with my niece that brings me back to reality that I still have 90 lbs. to go. I can see my 29 lb. loss, but I am by no means done.
    Great blog
    emoticon Keep up the good work and much success on your journey! emoticon
    2791 days ago
    This is exactly what happens to me!
    2791 days ago
  • **CHRIS**
    This is so true. You never realize how big you are till you see it from another persons piont of view. Keep up the work let your inner beauty shine!
    2792 days ago
    I was just talking to one of my girlfriends about this yesterday! It is so true that I used to look in the mirror and think "I'm not THAT much heavier" and then I saw the pictures and the rest is history... Thanks for your blog - very relatable!
    2792 days ago
    I can identify with this blog. Thanks for putting it perspective.
    2793 days ago
    I can so relate to the mirror/picture thing. I knoew I was over weight and I would look in the mirror and say its not that bad, but when I seen a picture of myself I wanted to hurl. I am glad I found this site and I hoping that it too can help me. Its nice to know I was not the only person with this sight that I seen and the picture that I actually saw. Thanks for sharing.
    2794 days ago
    Oh how I can relate, as do so many of us! The feeling of horror when I see a picture of myslef at my heaviest....knowing I was overweight but not realizing how I actually looked to others until seeing a photograph.

    I'm still working on recognizing the new girl in the mirror. She has a long way to go, but has truly come such a long way already.

    Thank you for articulating what so many of us are feeling. emoticon
    2794 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/27/2010 12:38:45 PM
    This past year with SP has helped me to start loving myself again. I still need to loose more weight but at least I'm starting to like what I'm seeing in the mirror now.
    This is a beautiful story...thanks for sharing!! emoticon
    2796 days ago
    Way to go! Keep going and best of luck - an inspiration!
    2796 days ago
    Way to go! Keep going and best of luck - an inspiration!
    2796 days ago
    Wonderful comments! Thanks for sharing, and it seems that you're not the only one having these thoughts. They say -- people only hear what they want to hear. I guess it's the same with seeing. Now I look in the mirror and I love what I truly see! I see the Me who I haven't seen for 15 years, and it's like finding an old friend! Congratulations on your discovery of the New Girl! All the miles walked, weights lifted, and cookies passed up are sooooo worth it!
    2797 days ago
    your doing really well keepup the good work
    2797 days ago
    emoticon You are doing so well!

    You describe the situation so well and you are clearly making great progress, not only seeing things as they are, but liking it!
    2797 days ago
    What a wonderful blog - thank you for posting!

    2798 days ago
  • SUNSET09
    Sometimes, we need a visual to bring things to reality as well as ther results from the doctor! What a wakeup call. Good for you and get a mirror that reveals everything! Thanks for a good idea and keep up the good work! emoticon
    2798 days ago
    Great Blog Post! Its funny how we sometimes dont want to see ourselves in the mirror but then forget what we look like until we see a pic of us! And there it is-the proof that we are not taking care of ourselves like we should!
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and Congrats on seeing your progress from all the hard work you have put in!!
    2798 days ago
    That was beautiful! I know exactly what you mean. I don't see myself truly when I am looking in the mirror however when I pass by glass or a mirror outside of my home and I see my image I am shocked and horrified, I wonder where I went. Sometimes I wonder if the "normal" girl is still in here somewhere. I hope to find out so I am going to stay on track and keep working until I find her. You are an inspiration! emoticon
    2798 days ago
    It's as if I wrote this. I, too, never saw the weight, EVEN when I allowed myself to be photo'd. I had the "turn to the side and hide behind the kids" pose down pat. Also, the "Travolta, turn the head to the right and look up 45*" made my double chin look almost single. But, even my small children asked, "Why aren't you in any pictures, Mommy?" Now, since a dramatic body change over the last months, I don't see the slimmer me in the mirror, I still see the "fat" me in my mind. Each day is a struggle, but I'm beginning to see the results of my hard work in the mirror. It's what I need to motivate continuation of my healthier lifestyle. It took a health crisis to kick me into gear. It will probably take a lot of time to retrain my eyes to see the real me.
    2798 days ago
    Oh, you are so right. I just chose to make sure I wasn't in pictures and avoided mirrors!

    Great blog; thank you.
    2799 days ago
    This really hit home with me. I didn't realize how bad I looked until I seen a vacation picture....in a bathing suit. OMG!! I just kept staring at it thinking "do I really look like that?" It was depressing & inspirational. You managed to beautifully put it into words. It sounds like you are doing great. Keep up the good work.

    2799 days ago
    emoticon . emoticon emoticon
    2799 days ago
    I can so relate!!! Recently I saw photos from my brothers wedding...Uggggghhhhh!
    I also "see" what I want to see...maybe I should stick that photo on my fridge! Best of luck! -Jody
    2799 days ago
  • BIRD2020
    Here's to always seeing you, Emily Rose! emoticon
    2799 days ago
    I am sick today and feeling a bit down. I read your post and feel you have inspired me. I am going to get back on track. I have procrastinated far too long. I know realistically I have to make some changes in my life in order to be a happy and healthy person.I am ready to pull out some pictures and see the light(my goal. emoticon
    2799 days ago
    Hi. Yes I know exactly what you mean. I see only what I want to see. I refuse to accept that what I see in the mirror is really me or I don't really see it. It's the same when I compare myself to others: " I'm not too bad- at least I'm not as fat as that person", completely ignoring all the other thin people around me who should make me think-you are too heavy and must lose weight!
    2799 days ago

    Comment edited on: 9/22/2010 6:29:52 AM
  • AJINT99
    You sound serene, realistic and just where you need to be.
    2799 days ago
    Great job on all your long, hard, dedicated work! It's hard to take out that old record and put in the new one, but you're on your way. Keep up the good work!
    2800 days ago
  • PIEDAD1964
    First I would like to emoticon on da great job thus far! Next I would like to let u know that I liked ur blog bcuz I now know I'm not alone, emoticon . I would like to give a so deserved emoticon , emoticon Good luck on ur journey n if u'd like to communicated n b 1 of my spark buddies I would luv 2 b urs! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2800 days ago
    I have come to realize that my way of ignoring my weight has been to not weigh myself. For so long I have not had a scale in my bathroom. I have finally decided to buy one. I must move in the right direction!
    2800 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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