Behind the Scenes

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

I want this blog to be an honest, full accounting of my journey. For that to happen, I need to talk about more than food, exercise, and pounds. Its time to share some things going on behind the scenes.

This has been a really hard year.

I lost my best friend of 15 years to differences between us that are irreparable. I lost a baby to miscarriage for the third time. I found out my oldest daughter who is disabled, is only going to get worse over time. We foreclosed on our house. My husband is not going to have a job in a few months when his contract ends, and I have no idea whatsoever what we are going to do.

With all of this going through my head, and the fact that I'm an emotional eater, its no wonder that I had gained 10 lbs over the past few months. 10 lbs. That's twice what I've worked so hard to lose so far. I'm trying not to think about that.

The whole reason I'm bringing all this up is that I am noticing a change in me that I'm nervous about. I'm forgetting things in lieu of just "coping." I haven't called to refill our prescriptions or make more appointments, when I need to do that. I haven't been as prepared as I should be with paperwork we need to file. My house isn't as organized, clean, or decluttered as I usually keep it, and that is my THING. I run a homemaking message board and blog and have had to stop blogging and don't spend nearly as much time as I should with my community. I haven't been myself.

I know its "normal" to have these coping mechanisms when going through so many changes, especially so many difficult ones. BUT - in my life, I don't have time for that. I need to function - my family needs me to function.

Making a conscious change like this diet has forced me to pay more attention to my life in general. I think that's why I'm noticing how slack I have become in so many areas of my life.

If this is truly a lifestyle change, I suppose that means that many parts of my life should become healthier. I have put some of the things I have been slacking on, on my calender and to-do list, so that I can make sure I give them the proper attention. I'm hoping that with all these changes both diet and life wise, I will be getting back into healthier habits all around.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you so much for your comment. I think you're right that I'm going through depression. I'm trying really hard to keep from spiraling down, and I think that it will help to redirect my focus to improving the parts of my life I can control. Thank you so much for the input on making sure to take care of myself. I will definitely make that a priority too. Your comment helps a lot. :)
    3890 days ago
  • BET212
    First let me say how sorry I am on the loss of your babies and all the other difficulties that you are going through.

    I don't believe you're a "slacker". That thing that is making you nervous, forgetting things or loss of interest in things you once gladly spent time on or enjoyed doing could be signs of depression given all the stressors you have been going through.

    The thing is how to handle it in a healthy way and it sounds like you are working on that by blogging, eating consciously and exercising. Planning and writing your activities down is also good but make sure you are taking care of your emotional needs, as well. I know you want and need to be there for your family but it is so easy to put ourselves last on the list and then after a while we don't have much left to offer anyone. Is there someone you could talk to in your family or another friend? Maybe journaling your feelings that you may not want to share here.

    emoticon emoticon
    3890 days ago
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