feeling balanced..thank you god!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
it's been awhile since i've checked in so hello sparkers!! I am feeling balanced and happy . I have a friend struggling with an eating disorder and it is so nice to be able to pull out my journal and read her my feelings about being active in one myself. to tell her how i felt like a hopeless piece of crap and beat myself up and feel inadequate and like the day would never come when i would feel any different. see she met me after i had recieved treatment and healed from my eating disorder and cant believe that person was me because today what she sees and what i am is a happy confident cheerful joyful full of light and love kind of girl. the girl that the eating disorder robbed me of. exhale....ahhhhh i no longer am obsessive about my diet... i would describe it as moderate. i do track my food on the food tracker most days and honor my body by exercising but if you look at my food tracker and see days where there is not food tracked it is because i have eaten out and am not sure of the calorie content and dont care.i know that a weekend of pizza is not going to be the death of me . i am working hard consistently and have created many great habits for myself. preparing my food and having it with me at all times (except when i am eating out) is a must and i take that very seriously because that has been working for me and i never want to be sick with an eating disorder again. i do not weigh myself regularly ..actually its probably been 3 weeks.however i will have you know that i ordered a pair of seven jeans probably about 7 months ago that didnt even fit me when i recieved them! i put them away though and i was finally able to wear them this week! that stuff is just icing on the cake. the really good stuff is the love i have for myself and for my body, just the way it is in this moment!