SHANNONEILLEEN

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Stop binging you idiot!

Monday, August 16, 2010

I can't stop sometimes.. it's like I get in this zone.. food food n more food.. all the food in the house..need to taste everything.. I can eat all of the groceries for the entire week in an hour.. just nonstop.. Joe has noticed the problem.. he knows I take laxatives and he caught me throwing up before.. but he didn't know how much I can actually eat.. we are on a strict budget right now because I'm joblessickin mess and we have to pay rent.. so we don't buy as much food.. he knows if I eat anything outg o the fridge or cupboard.. and questions why I ate an entire loaf of bread.. or the entire jumbo jar o PB.. or all the ice pops.. or all his sandwich meat.. its sickening.. last night I freaked out after eating tons of crap.. drove to sonic once he was asleep and ate so much crap.. sickening.. I feel disgusting today... I popped a crapload of laxs last night but couldn't purge cause he'd wake up.. I debated throwing up on the side of the road in my car but didn't.. wish I had.. I'm a freakin mess
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  • COLENQUINNSMOM
    I'm so sorry you have had to deal with this. I kinda know what the purging thing feels like- but it wasn't intentional. I was ultra sick when I was pregnant. Although I hated puking I can understand how it seems to be an easy out when your not feeling well.
    And....I totally understand the instant gratification and then the hopelessness after eating. I have been this way most of my life.
    I am not here to judge what or how you live your life. I only hope that you will feel better and I'm proud of you for talking about it. Best Wishes!
    3339 days ago
  • KISSIMS19
    Making the change is hard. I've tried and failed over and over. The harder I try the more stress I put on myself which just leads to more bingeing. I binged and purged for years and found myself at 208. I was put on blood pressure meds and diagnosed with vit deficiencies and high cholesterol. It scared me and motivated me to change. I'm taking it slow... I'm not perfect, and I'm trying to not expect perfection from myself anymore, I just try to do one or two things a day I know are healthy for me. Even if it's just a 10 minute walk... or drinking more water... or eating more veggies. If I mess up, there is always the chance for a better decision around the corner and I focus on that. Or I focus on the other things I'd done that day that were healthy for me. I guess what I'm trying to say is it's less intimidating when you don't feel like it's all or nothing. Every little thing helps.
    As for bingeing, I still don't know how I'm going to stop - but I know I can just keep trying. I've relapsed twice in the past 3 weeks. I try to not beat myself up, I try to learn from what caused the binge and just focus on NOT bingeing again the next day. It's so much easier said then done, and that's why I've failed over and over. It's unrealistic to think you can just stop bingeing for good with the sheer force of willpower - it's never going to happen like that. But you can keep resisting, starting over, trying and eventually it will get easier. Try each day to find a way to replace food with something else that makes you feel better or you enjoy.

    Anyway, I know this is long and preachy - what you wrote really resonated with me and I'm struggling too, I thought I might have something to say that might make you feel better.

    PS I totally relate to the "taste everything in the kitchen"
    3354 days ago
  • SHANNONEILLEEN
    easier said than done.. a compulsive eater cannot simply just eat that amount of calories.. they have a serious problem with not eating tons of food.. also I exercise daily.. I use the treadmill and elliptical at my gym and have lost over 20 pounds with sparkpeople..
    3354 days ago
  • SANDIPAGS
    What your doing to your body is horrible. You must stop and get healthy. I agree with Hopefulinde. You need to forget about this diet and get some medical help. If you cant because of your finances than try and just stick to a healthy 1200-1500 calorie diet and start walking. Then endorphins and a properly nourished diet might help you. It will definitely help your body.
    3354 days ago
  • SHANNONEILLEEN
    the goal of me taking the hcg diet is to stop binging and purging and lax abuse.. to somehow get my weight and eating under control once and for all
    3354 days ago
  • SHANNONEILLEEN
    medical advice doesn't help.. most therapists are not trained to help a compulsive eater
    3354 days ago
  • HOPEFULINDE
    the advice of a good therapist/clinic is what's needed here. not the HCG diet. You must conquer the eating demon in you first. We'll be here when you're ready.

    3354 days ago
  • no profile photo MANOJPAPA
    Its a problem and you need to seek medical advice.
    3354 days ago
  • CHEMISTRYQUEEN
    Thank you for your honesty. It is really hard to write about these things. I don't think you're an idiot, by the way. Stress makes eating/trying to lose weight a whole lot harder. Does your husband try to help you with your bingeing or does he try and overlook it? Try to do your best, and if you aren't perfect at the end of the day...well...no one really is. I have faith in you! I'm sending good thoughts and energy your way today!
    3354 days ago
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