Saturdays are a Problem....
Monday, August 09, 2010
Not because I'm doing things I don't like - quite the opposite! The past two Saturdays have been full of amazing activities. Two weeks ago it was Relay for Life. This past Saturday we spent whitewater rafting and camping with some of our friends.
The problem comes in that because I'm doing an activity that makes me feel like I'm being active (walking, rafting, etc), I slip in terms of my eating plan and start munching on everything in sight. This would be okay if my activities were actually at the level to support eating extra calories, but they're not.
I even asked DH on this camping trip to help me stay on track by just saying a keyword if he noticed I was over-snacking. I was proud of myself for asking for help and trying to stay on track without getting offended that he was telling me I shouldn't be eating. Except, he wasn't with me the whole time. I had a lot of time alone with all those snacks and I am upset with myself for giving in to grazing for the afternoon.
Last Friday before we left, I was 151.6 - this morning, after the weekend of snacking and unplanned meals, combined with not tracking at all, I am 155.6
*sigh* I know some of this is just sodium and water weight and that tomorrow, I'll probably be down to 154 something, but it's just so darn frustrating!!!!! This is an exact repeat of last week - go look at my weight tracker and tell me its not.
So, I need to come up with a plan to address weekends and really commit to sticking with it. I have such a problem with social situations on weekends and how much of those types of activities revolve around food and eating. I want to participate and not feel like I'm denying myself at every single event. I've tried the just taking a bite / sampling / bringing my own snacks / drinking water / insert different ideas here tactic and by the end of the day, I am always over. Something has to change because I can't keep riding this rollercoaster - I felt so bad about myself after getting off the scale this morning. I know how hard I worked last week to get down to the 151 and to face having to work that hard all over again this week is really bumming me out. Should I just re-evaluate my goals and consider the possibility that I should just stay at this weight and accept this as my achievement? Even thinking about that makes me angry and frustrated. I know I can get to my big goals and smaller milestones. I just have to keep doing the work and stop thinking about it as denying myself yummy things to eat. That is never going to be sustainable. I just have to look at what my goals are and make an acceptable plan on how I'm going to get there.
I think part of my problem is also that I'm getting nervous/anxious/feeling pressured about my sister's wedding in October and even more so about going home for her shower next week. I want to look amazing for these events and show my family how hard I've been working. If I'm not at my goals by these deadlines, I'm feel like I'm going to consider this whole thing a failure (which I mentally know its not at all - I have made huge progress in so many areas of healthy eating/weight/thought). I really want to make it to my next milestone (150) before I go home next week and I would consider it a gigantic success and step forward when that happens.
So, just gotta keep trucking, like I say at the end of every one of my blogs. I guess this is just an idea that I have to keep repeating to myself and that maybe over time it will sink in enough to where I don't have to say it all the time. I am already sucessful and I will continue to be sucessful if I just keep at it.