What's Got My Goat?

Saturday, August 07, 2010

Well, it's always something. Always some reason why I start bingeing again. I'd say the major stress in my life right now is my relationship with my boyfriend. Things are going great. Although we're not engaged, it's clear that we're going to get married soon. He gets out of the army in November.
I know that he loves me and my body just the way it is. Why can't I? While he knows that I've had some food issues and that I can't have sugar, I don't think he understands the gravity of the situation. Part of that is because I haven't fully fessed up. But I honestly don't think he'd understand. And he doesn't really need to.
He's the most wonderful, supportive man for me, and I know he'd make a great husband. But there is this worry. There is this worry he'll find out about the real me and not like it. The more that I love myself, the more that these fears will disappear, and, I believe the more I will be able to take care of myself the best way possible, which includes of course healthy eating and time for exercise.
I want to be able to look great in wedding photos. And I want to be my healthiest ever for starting the next stage in my life.
I moved to Jerusalem from the U.S. on my own, without family support in a family-centric society, and it's scary to be here on my own, and to be building a new life with someone else is exciting and frightening and amazing. A lot to digest, so to speak.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I can sympathize with what you are saying here... I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years. I admitted to my compulsive overeating and bouts of bulimia issues a few years back. It was hard and I hid it from him for a long time. Eventually I had to ask myself how I would feel if he were hiding something like that from me and I realized that if we were really going to make this work - I had to be completely honest with him. That's what I would want. It was awkward and complicated to explain. But he got it. We don't talk about it much specifically but he has become very supportive of finding a healthy lifestyle. I have since overcome my bulimia and am working day by day on my binging episodes. I am glad my boyfriend is in my corner. I think you will find you will feel the same way. emoticon
    3657 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6063397
    Confess up and face your fears!!!!
    Joyce Meyers taught me that.....Fear...
    F - False
    E - Evident's
    A - Appearing
    R - Real

    so you need to tell your-self, Boyfriend, {''Truth''}...
    3657 days ago
    Write a memoir. I know we are young, but we've got memories! My food triggers seem to match up to my past so I write them down. I've got over 20 pages of funny, sometimes very sad stories, but they help me to know what kind of feelings, situations, and foods to watch out for.
    I told my hubs about my addiction to food over five years ago. He didn't believe me at first, but went to one OA meeting when my sponsor suggested I invite him. After that, he's been supportive and "gets' it. He's tried to stop chewing tobacco for years so he can relate to me.
    Your BF loves you for who you are and if he's a keeper, he will love you with or without the food addiction. Family is very important, but it's not everything. Some family/friends are toxic. It is false the way media and society makes you feel like you have to hang onto this fake idea of what family should be like.
    Okay, now back to writing for me!
    3658 days ago
    I can only imagine what you're going through. I'm not in a relationship right now but as a single girl I fear the same things. What if he doesn't like the "real" me. I'd say, just take it easy. I know you're worried but if you say he loves you and your body just the way it is, then don't question it. I used to binge a lot. I got around this buy writing down what I ate and how I felt when I ate it. You'd be surprised what comes out. Also, you begin to see a pattern and know what "feelings" trigger your binges. It's better to just let out your feelings. I do this by watching a sad movie. I'll get a good cry out and it helps you know? Be kind to yourself. You have a man that loves you and that's great. Think of some things you're really good at or that you love and maybe that will help. Cheer up! emoticon
    3658 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/7/2010 6:37:45 PM
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