What's Got My Goat?
Saturday, August 07, 2010
Well, it's always something. Always some reason why I start bingeing again. I'd say the major stress in my life right now is my relationship with my boyfriend. Things are going great. Although we're not engaged, it's clear that we're going to get married soon. He gets out of the army in November.
I know that he loves me and my body just the way it is. Why can't I? While he knows that I've had some food issues and that I can't have sugar, I don't think he understands the gravity of the situation. Part of that is because I haven't fully fessed up. But I honestly don't think he'd understand. And he doesn't really need to.
He's the most wonderful, supportive man for me, and I know he'd make a great husband. But there is this worry. There is this worry he'll find out about the real me and not like it. The more that I love myself, the more that these fears will disappear, and, I believe the more I will be able to take care of myself the best way possible, which includes of course healthy eating and time for exercise.
I want to be able to look great in wedding photos. And I want to be my healthiest ever for starting the next stage in my life.
I moved to Jerusalem from the U.S. on my own, without family support in a family-centric society, and it's scary to be here on my own, and to be building a new life with someone else is exciting and frightening and amazing. A lot to digest, so to speak.