Annoyed with myself
Tuesday, August 03, 2010
Well, I was very disappointed in the scale and tape measurements today. I don't really have a lot of weight to loose and was trying to maintain but I almost find that that is harder because it's sort of ambiguous. At least when you have to loose weight you have a more concrete goal. I would like to loose the 10 pounds I gained back (5 of which were gained back this past month!). I'm a teacher and I'm either too busy at school to eat right and exercise or it's summer like right now and I have way too much time to eat and it's too hot outside to do much of anything other than go to my apartment's gym, and I really hate feeling like a hampster on a wheel... I need to find some balance. Sometimes I think it would almost be easier if I was on a year round schedule like most people but I guess even then you have holidays and vacations and such that throw things off and food in the office. I'm going to try and consistently track my food because that seems to be the only thing that really works for me. I tend to get way too exacting with the calorie tracker trying to finding the exact food and amount and such. I think as long as I'm putting it in, whether or not it's actually accurate will help me to feel sort of accountable. I don't really feel like I can talk to my friends about my weight struggles because they all always just tell me that I don't need to loose weight. But the true gauge is how I feel and I feel better 10 pounds lighter! I have a petite bone structure and am not very large on top (if you know what I mean) and it makes me feel like I need to stay at the bottom end of the healthy BMI range for me to feel and look right. My friends just don't understand this. I guess I should be glad that almost everyone guesses me to be a much smaller size than I really am, I'd rather have that problem than the opposite. So, maybe I don't need to loose weight but I certainly don't want to keep gaining, especially at this rate! I need to get over the all or nothing type of approach. It would be nice if I felt like I could share this with my friends in my church small group but unfortunately I don't think I'm ready for that yet. At least there are my friends on Sparkpeople but I don't know, there is no real accountability it seems. I guess I'll just keep working at it.