Goodbye to my 20's
Monday, August 02, 2010
Tomorrow is my birthday. At 4:26am on August 3rd 2010 - I will officially be 30 years old.
Today is my last official day in my 20's and I'm not sure how I feel about that.... I want to cry and as I type this tears come to my eyes. Not for the reason you think....
I feel like I wasted all of my time not satisfied enough with my looks that I never really gave myself a chance to look cute or fix myself up. I was always waiting to lose that weight to buy new clothes. I always waited to lose that weight to get my hair cut the way I wanted it or start fixing myself up every day. Because I just wasn't good enough for me. My entire 20's I just felt like I wasn't good enough and I never got good enough. I held out on things and missed events because I didn't have anything to wear or I felt embarrassed about myself.
Now I am turing 30 and I'll never get that time back. I'm not saying 30 is old, but the 20's are supposed to be the time you have fun and enjoy your youth....I know I'll never get my 20's back. Technically, I missed out...because of my own perfectionist thoughts.
So now, I'm determined. I'm determined to make my 30's better than my 20's. I'm determined to not let my weight determine who I am or what I will be or what I will do. YES, I want to lose weight, I want to be healthy, I want to be in shape and I want to look cute in smaller clothes. BUT I refuse to hold off on my life until that happens. Not anymore. I've done it for too long and the only person suffering is me.
Tomorrow I will begin another decade in my life and I will say Goodbye to my 20's. Farewell to my perfectionist view of how things should be and how I should look. I will say Hello to my 30's and Hello to a new outlook on my life. I will begin to live life and enjoy it for what it should be and become a better, happier, healther version of me along the way.