I swear he's trying to kill me!
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Today has been two years since I had to put down my rottie Mariah. She is in the photo of me in my power chair. It is a sad day for me . I am grateful for Mara coming in to my life and wish daily that we could have saved her two pups. It would have been a very active house.
Yesterday my oldest son and his wife came to visit. Or should I say breezed through. I am very disappointed and feel it would have been better if they hadn't visited at all. Hubby dominate there time and I ended up paying for there gas and lunch. I wanted to talk about the heart surgery and about my belongings and my dogs if something should happen. What I wanted never happened.Very frustrating.
As for hubby. I SWEAR he is trying to kill me. He refuses to cook dinner like he used to and has told me there is nothing wrong with me and has dumped even more crap and a larger work load on me. .We don't have a joint bank account and he wants access to my money. If I did that he's wipe me out. He wants the right to be consulted if there is a problem during surgery. Like I'd trust my life to his judgement ! I am not crazy or stupid. My friend Bill has access to my bank account and has had for the last ten years. I can trust him and not my family. My son is working but still wants more financial help and he'd wipe me out too. Not in malice but bad judgement.
I am not afraid of dying. I'd at least get out of here. What I am stressed about are my dogs and I don't want the jerk I am married to to profit if I die and get my stuff, he'd destroy it all. He doesn't take care of anything including me. Instead of allowing me to rest over the next few days he has made everything more difficult and things are rougher here. I am trying to take it easy and he is doing everything and anything to make it worse. I know he is drinking again! He thinks he is hiding it but I am not stupid and he pulls the same crap so it is predictable. I wish I had more time before the surgery to do a living will and my advanced directive is on file at kaiser and I can't find a printed copy so that has me stressed. I do not have hubby listed on any medical forms so hopefully that will be enough. I'd get better treatment and care if were a convict or political prisoner. My dogs are the only thing holding me together. I worry about what would happen to them. I did get a text from my youngest the minister who says he'll say a prayer for me. I guess that is something! I sure don't feel valued or appreciated by the human family. I get more support here at sparks . You have become my family and support and care about me.
My friend Bill has been calling and talking me through the extra stress telling me I'll make it and I'll eventually get better and be able to get out of here. I pray he's right. He is still trying to get his life in order and move here for a while . I just don't want him to have to referee.
I just wish I knew why go keeps picking me for all the health issues. My hubby is a boozer, has diabete 2 doesn't take care of himself eats peanuts, ice cream and drinks. Is over weight, depressed with panic disorder which he takes medication for and is suppose to be under control. Doesn't bother to shower or wash his clothes or clean his living area.He does nothing and I have been exercising and doing more and more and every time I go to a doctor they find something else wrong. He has had no surgeries during our 33 years where I feel like a medical guinea pig.He says my hospital visits are my vacations! What a jerk!
If I have any problems Bill will post a blog and let everyone know. My spark streaks are gonna have to start all over.
I will continue to pray nightly for all my spark friends and god bless all of you for your help and support.