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Lost at sea......

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Do you ever have those days were you are just going through the motions? Days were you start out with positive thinking, you start out with a plan of attack for the day and then a massive wave comes and kicks you off your surf board and the current tries to bring you under and tows you back out to sea. That is the way I feel today. On top of it I feel like I am experiencing the movie “Groundhogs Day” you know where Bill Murray keeps waking up in the same time repeating the same day. I’m not going to go into the exact nature of my Groundhog’s Day because it is a very personal matter and I am in hopes I don’t offend anyone by not displaying it. But I will say because of this I almost get reminded daily of my Groundhog’s Day and if not daily at least it pops back into our lives every so often. I’m somewhat tired of this re-occurring Groundhog’s Day of being reminded daily, weekly, monthly. I take responsibility in this nightmare but on the flip side this other main character in the movie needs to as well.

The question is do we have a responsibility to make others happy? Do we have a responsibility to build the others self-esteem? To be re-assuring, etc? At what point does this person take the words or actions you bestow on them and grow. At what point does that person take the responsibility to bring them out of the black hole they can’t seem to get out of? Now I’m not saying we don’t all have our pity party days but for it to be a re-occurring daily can and does bring total despair onto others. The whole world is against them, or at least that is what it seems to this person. Nothing ever goes right, nothing is ever good enough or so it seems. Failure is the key word of the day. No smiles, no joy, no spark in their eyes. Harsh words more than kind words if any words at all.

I know this might not make sense to you but it is words that I needed to get down. I’m at a loss of how we can move forward, recover and grow if this Groundhog’s Day keeps re-occurring. If this person does not come up out of the current long enough to take a breath we will continue to be lost at sea……..I don’t know if I want to be lost any more, it doesn’t seem fair but then again I’m bounded.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Personally, I don't think we are responsible for other's happiness. They need to be happy with themselves in general - granted we can't make someone unhappy by our actions, but it is their choice to be happy or unhappy.

    Hang in there.... emoticon day will end soon.
    2860 days ago
    I think of the airline safety talk about the face masks. We must put our mask on to save ourselves before we can help anyone else. Sometimes we just have to cut our cords of bondage, no matter how thick they feel and move on our own way. When you have tended to yourself you can offer this other person support again. However (another old cliche) you can bring a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. If the other person is determined to be miserable.... "you" can't fix that!
    2861 days ago
    Interesting blog post. I just had this conversation about making others happy with my brother. The answer is... the only person you have to make happy is YOURSELF! As long as you are not harming others with your making-happiness, that is...
    2861 days ago
    I feel a kindred spirit with you - this blog is SO similar to one I wrote about a month or two ago! I don't know if our 'issues' are similar, but surely our feelings about the issue are one in the same. Just here to let you know I get it...and you're not the only one battling this emoticon
    2861 days ago
    Heck, how can we be responsible for someone else's happiness, we we struggle with our own?


    As usual, your blog was wonderful, and though provoking...
    2861 days ago
    These are some tough questions today. Yup definitely have "Groundshog's Day" days (actually I like that movie too) & days where I go through the motions. Frustrating would be a nice word to describe this.

    I don't believe that anyone can hold the key to someone else's happiness, I believe that is up to the individual to do. I believe certain people probably enhance others happiness but no one can make someone happy when they are not. As much as I sound like Confuscious right now like I have all the answers cannot say I haven't been guilty though of trying to make someone happy & in the process makes me upset when I can't.

    emoticon you are one tough cookie & you'll get through this...don't beat yourself up about it!
    2861 days ago
    The "self-test" for Al-Anon may help. Plug in whatever your situation where they say "drinking" or "alcohol." So: Do you worry about someone else's ___?"

    1. Do you worry about how much someone else's drinking?
    2. Do you have money problems because of someone else's drinking?
    3. Do you tell lies to cover up for someone else's drinking?
    4. Do you feel if the drinker loved you, he or she would stop drinking to please you?
    5. Do you blame the drinker's behavior on his or her companions?
    6. Are plans frequently upset or canceled or meals delayed because of the drinker?
    7. Do you make threats, such as, "If you don't stop drinking, I'll leave you"?
    8. Do you secretly try to smell the drinker's breath?
    9. Are you afraid to upset someone for fear it will set off a drinking bout?
    10. Have you been hurt or embarrassed by a drinker's behavior?
    11. Are holidays and gatherings spoiled because of drinking?
    12. Have you considered calling the police for help in fear of abuse?
    13. Do you search for hidden alcohol?
    14. Do you often ride in a car with a driver who has been drinking?
    15. Have you refused social invitations out of fear or anxiety?
    16. Do you sometimes feel like a failure when you think of the lengths you have gone to in order to control the drinker?
    17. Do you think that if the drinker stopped drinking, your other problems would be solved?
    18. Do you ever threaten to hurt yourself to scare the drinker?
    19. Do you feel angry, confused or depressed most of the time?
    20. Do you feel there is no one who understands your problems?

    2861 days ago
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