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I will always be “Fat”

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A good friend who weighs about half what I do pointed out a valid problem with losing weight namely, we will always be considered fat.

Now she is a curvy girl and probably only about 180 pounds. I believe she is a size 16, which is my goal size. So when I look at her curvy body I see a healthy shape I would like to achieve. She sees that she is fat. She wants to be a size 12, but feels that even at a size 12 she would still be considered overweight.

The funny thing is that I had the same thought today. I was looking at a handsome man who was about 50 pounds overweight. I like men with some meat on the bone so I was thinking nice things and how he looked cuddly and attractive. Then I thought of another male friend of mine who is about 150 pounds overweight and how he would probably be delighted to be that guy’s size, but the handsome curvy guy probably just thought he was fat.

He probably didn’t take his shirt off, because he is overweight and feels self-conscious about it because society sucks and judges anyone who has any curve at all as fat.

Commiserating on the situation my smaller friend and I tried to decide at what point one was no longer “plus sized” and society would stop bothering about someone being fat. I believe it is at the time when people start saying, “You’re too thin.” It is at the moment when you are being accused of being anorexic. That is the line when people stop calling you fat and start calling you “too thin.” How obnoxious!

I mean I lose a hundred pounds and I am still fat at a size 24. I lose two hundred pounds and I am still fat at a size 18, I lose 250 pounds from my heavy 380 pound body and I am still a size 14, still fat.

For my smaller friend the trip down to Skinny-vile is much shorter. In a year she could easily lose 50 pounds, and get to her goal weight. However the last 15 pounds will probably be miserable. Never-the-less she would still feel she needed to lose more. She would likely then feel that she needed a tummy tuck, or an arm tuck, or a butt lift because obviously she will never be “perfect.”

So I told her the truth. We will never be thin. In our hearts we know we are fat. We will judge harshly ever flap of skin, every sagging curve. When we see cellulite, which my 90 pound girlfriend has on her legs, we will know that it is our own fault and feel that we are fat. We know that if we stop living a healthy lifestyle we can gain the weight lost back in a few months, so it is important to not do this to be thin. Thin is not the goal. Thin is impossible. It is not a state of being we are ready to accept. We need to set goals that are realistic. We need to know that society will never really think of us as thin “enough.”

But I need to forget that silly mindset. Thin is a stupid goal. Thin is not healthy. I have good blood pressure, good blood glucose, good cholesterol levels. I am already healthy. And thin doesn’t equal beautiful, because I am already beautiful. I have creamy pale skin, long luxurious red hair, delicate features, and sexy curves. I look 10 years younger than my actual age because I avoid smoking, sunlight, and other harsh toxins.

So being skinny is not my goal. My goal is to be a size 16 for me, not for society. And her goal should be a size 12. And if you are a 14 and you want to be a 10, be a 10, but know that you have to do it for you. You cannot externally validate yourself. You can’t expect society to pat you on the back and say, “There fatty, you are finally thin enough for us.” That is not going to happen.

Losing weight can help your health, and it can aid your beauty, but only if you doing all the other things you need to do to be healthy and pretty. You have to take care of yourself and losing weight is not the end all be all. It is not the promise we imagine it to be. We have to take our vitamins, stretch, sleep, clean our skin, take care of our hair, and teeth, trim our nails, and do all the other little things that don’t directly make us lose weight or appear obviously attractive. Smelling bad is unattractive no matter how much you weigh. And eating nothing but fat and meat can lead to losing weight, and a having a heart attack! (Ask my grandmother who at a size 8 had a quadruple bypass!)

So you have to be mentally prepared for a little kid to tell you that you are fat, even after you have lost more weight than you ever thought you could. People suck. No one else can make it worth the effort. No one else can properly recognize your achievements. No one else can know the hardship, the pain, or the sweet joy of success. And if you don’t feel good about being an 18 instead of a 20, if you need society to tell you that you are thin enough, you need more help than just losing weight. You need a reality check.

Society sucks.

So why even try? What is the point? What can you do?

You have got to it for you, and you alone. Lose weight and get smaller for your own piece of mind. Set your goals, achieve them, and reward yourself. REWARD YOURSELF.

And forget what society thinks. I will always be fat by society’s standards. I do not care. I will achieve my goals.

I am strong.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RKSTAR82
    Great blog!
    2857 days ago
    Prior to my hip injury late last October, people would call me "skinny". Being hobbled and taking steriods, my weight blew up nearly 70 pounds over 5 months. Now that I"m back at it, I look at myself at 241 pounds and I think I'm still somewhat big. I saw an old friend yesterday and he told me "you don't need to lose anymore weight, you look fine just the way you are now and last year you were too skinny for your body size". I raised an eyebrow. Although he thought I was too skinny, I was heatlthy and on target last year...so I can envision your words you've written and apply them in my own situation. It's tough, but I'm working back to that 193 pounds I was at not because I looked good, but because I felt good...and I could give a flip what anyone thought I looked like, fat or skinny! emoticon
    2881 days ago
    I have one advantage in the 'never thin' enough game. I remember being a healthy size 10. Was I skinny? No. Was I fat? No. I was me-sized. I was able to walk/run five miles, I regularly walked almost half a mile, twice a day. That was in high school, but still, my bone structure is the same.

    I know that I will never be a size 4. Period. I am not built to be that size. If I tried to be a single digit size, I would be setting myself up for failure.

    On the other hand, there's a friend who'll I'll call T. She weighed 95 pounds in high school. She's a tiny thing. That's her build.

    As soon as I realized that I would never have that pixie build, I aimed for healthy instead. I set my goals in terms of what I want to be able to do. I will never fit current society's idea of the 'right shape.' My figure role model is more Mae West than Twiggy. Or maybe Ginger Rogers, cause oh, that woman could dance and to dance like that she had to be in shape.

    Good for you MissZ1, for reminding us all of our true goals.
    2883 days ago
  • EVLOBOS310
    This is a fabulous blog! You are so right - we all have different spots where we feel beautiful and comfortable in our bodies. There are many times when I've gotten wrapped up in the number game, but this reminds me to be happy with where I am and that I've made some great healthy changes. Thank you for sharing!
    2883 days ago
    Great blog. Thanks for posting it.
    2883 days ago
  • YA-SIN
    Words well put. And for reasons less than that and more, yes society sucks. This is why the best of us behold beauty from the inside outwards and the more sane of us embark on this journey to loss weight/look better&hopefully be healthier for the benefit of ourselves and hopefully to the delight of those we care about and who love us. Barring genuwine good humanity does anyone else even truly matter at the end of the day?
    2883 days ago
  • CICI510
    I could have not read this at a more perfect time! I have lost 50lbs and am only 10lbs away from my goal weight which is 125. I can fit into a size 4 which I never dreamed would happen and yet when I look in the mirror I still see fat. It's high time I focus on being proud of my journey and my nice, curvy body. I might not be skinny as far as society goes but do I really want to be?

    Fantastic blog and girl you are gorgeous!
    2883 days ago
    I've lost 50lbs (well, 2.2lbs away) in 4 months. I started at 255 (I'm also 6' tall).

    I'm not sure what my final goal is, I'm worried that I'll NEVER like how my body looks. I eat foods that provide nutrients, and keep my mind energized. I exercise to improve my cardiovascular system and lung capacity. I strength train to shape my body.

    My first goal is to be in a healthy weight range, from there, my goal is to achieve and maintain my health (at whatever weight I land). These are the only bodies we have, I'm learning to better love myself and my body.
    2883 days ago
  • ANGEE8675309
    I had this same discussion with a friend the other night. I look at her and think she looks hot. She is thinner and prettier than I am. I think, if I could just lose enough weight to be her size, I would really feel beautiful.

    In reality she weighs 30-40 pounds more than I do it was just my mind playing mean tricks on me. We had this conversation at the bar in front of a friend who weighs more than either of us and she said if she could just weigh what we weigh, she would be happy.

    There we were ranging from 140-250 all hating ourselves. We didn't come up with a solution, there is no moral to the story. It was just a sad realization of self loathing. We need to learn to place less value on perceptions of beauty.
    2883 days ago
  • TIME4ME2010
    Enjoyed reading your blog. We all need to remember to do it for ourselves and that every person and every body is different. Thanks!
    2883 days ago
    I would not want to be THIN! Will be happy reaching my goal
    2883 days ago
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