LISSA1976
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The Busy Changes

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

So the last couple of weeks have been so insane. First the interview, two days later followed by the offer, which I then found out means that I have new teacher orientation on Friday, training on Monday, staff retreat the following week, and then school starts August 11th. Not to mention all of the testing I've had to do (DOJ and TB) and mass amounts of paperwork. It all happened so fast!

Add in the fact that I saw my sister for the last few days she was here, helping her move, her helping me fix a few things around the desert house, including our mailbox that someone stole (WTF?!), and putting new locks on the doors. So she moved out a day late... and then I moved.

Then add in my friend Flux's birthday which as requested consisted of a geek out at the Star Trek exhibit at a museum of some collector's stuff, followed by a movie and Thai food (I was so good and had a papaya salad), while taking the only available seat next to DJBlue. Darn those dreamy eyes that are supposed to be hands off according to Flux.

But alas, I have dated others. (Shocker.) Ah, the Nurse. I have seen him more than once. Going to go PG13 here so look away for a moment if you must. You know those guys that kiss with their WHOLE body, the ones that take you and sort of envelop you and you melt? Yeah. That's him. I don't know where he learned it, but he's very good at it. I don't even know how much is a likability for me thing, vs. how much is that is just the way he kisses. Don't get to see him to often with his current schedule in ICU... but the kisses are good and its nice to be treated well when I do. No, there is no confusion about exclusivity. I am certain he sees others.

And so I had a few very bad one off dates, including the racist race car driver that asked if my last boyfriend was white or not, and the pretentious rude artist who thought nothing was better than himself and where he wanted to be (that he wasn't). Losers. The film student made me feel better after one of those dates when I started to wonder how the heck I attract them. Oh, and of course I was stood up again. Hello old insecurities of a fat girl.

This other guy that's been around here and there, we shall call the Constructive Chef. Why? Because he went to cooking school, but economy turned bad and he ended up with a contractors license too, do remodels and stuff. I find that odd and interesting. 6'3 to my 5'4, a little shy at first, (but I talk enough so he got comfortable). Can't comment on his kissing, because he hasn't kissed me. He is just super nice, probably the type of guy I should be dating, and seems genuinely concerned about my well being, especially when I told him my new job is in one of the roughest areas of LA. This scares me a bit because here is what my past has shown me.

They can care and they either are lying and manipulating me, or they leave fast, sometimes bailing two days after they tell you they care, after I gave up my heart. And so I have discovered that I trust none of them. How sad. I know it, but I am currently unwilling to change it. So now their are these walls I can't seem to let down, boundaries I keep in my head, just in case. It allows me to set the rules.

So I don't know.

Food wise I have eaten some crap here and there, but I have swam in the pool quite a bit and have found a gym to join I think. YAY! $9 down, $9 a month. :) Oh gym, how I've missed you... more than any man at the moment. I need you.

And btw, art guy continues to mess with my head on occasion, but not much I can do about that, just try to move forward. Whatever happened did. He may have turned me into an overanalytical, untrusting girl at the moment, but I'm sure I will get over it with time.

See? I live!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • UFCCHICK
    Glad to see your doing so well and Congrats on the job!!! I haven't been on here in a long time I need to jump back on the wagon haven't really gained much but know I can be doing so much better. I have about 80 lbs to lose so I can go off my birth control and try for that baby lol long ways but it'll happen!!!
    2895 days ago
  • GONNA_BREAKAWAY
    Keep living that life of yours. You've earned it!
    2895 days ago
  • MIRACLEINSIXTY
    i think you are doing great. you are putting yourself out there and learning what you like and dislike, and you are learning how resilient and flexible you are. not trusting them is ok.

    when you willingly put yourself in a vulnerable position, you demonstrate the magnitude of your inner strength. i'm proud of you for being brave enough to learn about yourself.
    2895 days ago
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