Here we go again...
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I've gained weight.
I can't even force myself to change my weight on here, but let's just say it's 15lbs higher than my "current" weight.
Excuses? Sure, I've got them. It sucks, but they are valid I guess.
I got married, and wedding planning is very stressful. Then when I got back from the honeymoon I found I was laid off from my job. (I had been working in TV for two months.)
Tangent--let me tell you about working in television. First of all, I was a stand-in which means that I would physically be on the set during lighting and camera rehearsals so that the actress could chill in her trailer and get touch-ups from hair and make-up. Then when the scenes were shooting, I would have to hang out on set and wait until the next scene. I had catered meals twice a day plus a craft services table with all of the goodies in the world on it. (Donuts! Blueberry were my favorite and I couldn't seem to pass them up.) Then crafty would hand pass deliciousness every few hours that smelled so good right under my nose. Since I had more down time than the rest of the crew, I would get bored and eat. I switched from full flavor soft drinks to Coke Zero, but that didn't help much. I tried to snack on veggies and chew sugar-free gum, but there were still all kinds of tempations. Then if we went over 12 hours (yes, TV and film shooting schedules go 12-14 hours), they would feed us again--usually fast food. I would eat that, and then since I hadn't seen my man all day, I would come home an hour or so later and eat dinner with him, usually picking up more fast food on the way home. I was commuting 2 hours a day, not sleeping, and there was no time to exercise. My weeks would start at 5am on Mondays, and by the time Friday would come along we would be so behind schedule that I wouldn't get off until 2am. Saturday would be my only real weekend day, and then Sundays I wouldn't enjoy because I knew I would have to wake up at the butt-crack of dawn the next day and start all over again.
When I got back from the honeymoon and found out I lost my job, of course I was upset. Not only the way it happened (they decided they needed someone that wouldn't take off so much, even though they KNEW I was getting married and going on a honeymoon before the show even started filming and that I wouldn't be leaving after that), but the added stress of being out of work AGAIN and trying to figure out how to pay bills. The weight I gained from the show didn't go anywhere.
I've now been at a new job and in a new career for a month now. I have a regular schedule, and I'm eating better. At first, my husband and I went out to eat a lot, happy that we could afford it for once. I'm making almost twice as much as I was making on the show and working 40-45 hours a week instead of 60! But then last week I decided I was going to get back in the habit of cooking and working out. Instead of focusing on cooking healthy meals, I'm just getting back in the habit of cooking. The healthy meals part is coming next. For now I'm just concentrating on making balanced meals: protein, carb, veggies.
I'm slowly trying to rebuild a healthy lifestyle for myself, one step at a time. Dragon*Con is coming up in 6 weeks, and I'd really like to get down to my lowest weight since before the wedding. That means I would need to lose 15 lbs. Not impossible, but it also doesn't allow room for error. I've been working out 3 days a week (I would do more but I'm so sore on my off days I can barely move), and going out dancing on the weekends (but that also means booze...)
I know I really need to focus, but I find myself struggling. "Wouldn't it be nice to just order pizza tonight?" "I've had a long day at work, maybe I'll plop down on the couch and watch TV...I'll work out later." It's hard to quit those habits cold turkey, so for now I'll focus on finding a balance. One cheat day a week, two at the most. Work out every day that I'm not too sore to move. Go to bed earlier and get more sleep. Eat more fruits and veggies, and snack on those when I'm hungry in between meals.
I feel like I should tattoo FOCUS on my forehead! Maybe I'll go stare in the mirror and do it mentally...mental ink. Now there's a concept!