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Food Shame

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Earlier this evening, I was reading a blog on sparkpeople. In it, the writer was talking about having a fast food habit. I can totally relate.

Years ago, when my husband decided to go vegetarian, he wanted me to join him. Feeling guilty and ashamed because I had gained a few pounds, I agreed. But not 100%. While I was at work, I would indulge in meat and dairy. And more than once I went through the drive-thru after work, gobbling down a burger, throwing the wrapper in the trash before I left the parking lot, and driving with the window down so that the smell of the car wouldn't give me away. I felt like I was cheating on my husband with meat.

More recently, we had a weight loss contest at work. You know you're overweight when your co-workers actually have the nerve to ask you if you are joining the contest. So, ashamed of my weight, I joined. But I started eating chocolate when no one was around, careful to hide the wrappers under the trash in the bin.

I could go on and on about this. When I am eating in public, I feel as though all eyes are on me. I can almost feel them judging me, like ,"Really, lady, you think you need that doughnut?" This is probably something I'm going to have to work through for a long time. And I'm recognizing that I'm going to need some help with it.

Back to the weight loss contest-- I'm proud to say I lost 4 pounds. More importantly, I found out about Sparkpeople from someone at work.

Entry fee for work weight loss challenge--$10.00
Three and a half months on Sparkpeople--Priceless.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JENNYBETHIN
    It's okay. Most of us are self conscious about eating in public. You can work through it, though. You just have to be positive about yourself and honest about your relationship with food.
    3013 days ago
  • DUCHESSINDENIM
    I can totally relate. I used to have an anxiety attack if I ever had to eat in a restaurant alone, I always thought that people would look at the fat girl who had to eat even with no friends.
    Argh, so many insecurities about food.
    I'm so glad you're recognizing your anxiety triggers and are finding new ways to get around them

    emoticon
    3014 days ago
  • KARATE_KID
    Congrats on being so honest, especially with yourself. Changing habits is hard - when I quit smoking (after about the 7th try) I cheated for months, but eventually I could make it stick. When you look back a year from now at your progress, I bet you won't even remember what it was like to crave a food, just like I don't know what I ever saw in cigarettes.
    emoticon
    3015 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.
 

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