Falling in love again. With myself.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I read that people who are significantly overweight are passive-agressive, letting their bad food and physical fitness habits "slide" instead of confronting them. I don't like confrontation and have recently acknowledged that I have been putting off healthy practices for at least ten years.
I know the success of diet and exercise, I spent the first 30 years of my adult life going in and out of weight loss and exercise programs. But along the way, with all the changes that came with work, child rearing, relationships, and menopause, I lost my steam. I found excuses. I didn't care that I was overweight--other things were "more important" than the vanity and self-centeredness that I associated with all the work that goes in to maintaining a healthy weight.
My weight has steadily been climbing and at 5'6" and 195 pounds, I am technically obese. I haven't cared about looking attractive because I have thought that it's not possible to be attractive at this weight and age. "Whatever...," I told myself. "Bringing back the beauty isn't important. I have a rich, full, and happy life."
But something else is happening now.
After years of disregard, I don't feel healthy anymore. I feel like every organ of mine is covered in fat and working harder when I do the simplest things. I feel that my blood vessels are lined with fat. I feel that my body is stuffed with garbage. I know that I have to change the way I live, or I will find that my old age will be painful, unhappy, and short.
I realize that to accomplish this, I have to fall in love again with someone--myself!