Non-weight loss Vent -- Enter at your own Risk

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I will try my best to make this sordid tale short. Those who have read my past blogs know that I do not have the best relationship with my husband's family. Well, yesterday, everything came to a head. I'd have to go back over 30 years to explain the rift. Of course, that would take too much time, so I'll just go back to a typical incident that occurred last month.

Last month, 14 family members got together for a Sunday breakfast brunch at a fancy smancy hotel to celebrate a nieces (husband's sister's daughter) graduation from high school and her honor as the valedictorian. Fast forward through the brunch to time to pay up. Everyone had agreed to pay for their own brunch (26.95) and also split among the rest of us, the cost of the graduate's meal. Here's where the drama trumpet sounded. One of the cousins (husband's mom's sister's daughter), whom I'll call Miss B (for a number of reasons, but her name really does start with B) -- well she decides 26.95 + tax + 20% tip + her split of graduate's meal is unreasonable. BTW, she also has her teenage daughter there, so multiply the amount x 2. Anyway, they go round and round and there's a big argument, and my husband finally just picks up the bill, along with the money that had been collected and just pays the bill. It was $46 short. It's a long history with this cousin including her not paying her dues in family reunions and other family events, but always showing up and eating and partaking. By the grace of God, our family is in a good position financially, but it's the principle of the thing. I really didn't say much about it at the time because that's his family and it's what he wanted to do to keep the peace. And just a side note, this cousin drives a late-model luxury car and lives in a waterfront condo. I would have respected her more if she had said up front that she's a little short instead of eating the brunch, then poo-pawing the cost.

So yesterday the family got together for an outing at Six Flags Amusement Park. We had met earlier for lunch, some of the same ones that had been at last month's brunch, including Miss B. So as we were sitting in the restaurant and Miss B approached, I made a comment. Probably shouldn't have, but I do not appreciate the fact that my husband alone had to take up the slack for this moocher. So I made the comment as she approached: Moocher Alert. Now of course, I knew this would get back to her and it did. So later, at the amusement park, I was sitting down with a few other family members, and Miss B comes up and said I heard what you said about me. I just looked at her with my best "Yeah, so what" look, but I didn't say a word. And she says, “Why would you say that.” OMG, I'm thinking, she really wants a confrontation. Maybe it was the heat, but I said, “Well, it was just something I thought of when I saw you.”

By now, people at the table are probably sensing drama because they seem unduly interested, leaning forward, waiting for her response. And she said, “You mean like when I see you and think, 'Fat A**. So there it was, the silliness of 30 years finally hitting the fan. But guess what, I didn't skip a beat and even chuckled a little. I said, “Yeah, like that – only my condition is temporary. You, on the other hand will be a petty, no-class, sponge your entire life. It's why nobody in your own family likes to invite you to any pay-your-way function. It's your lot in life – you can't help it.” She mutters something unintelligible, except that I heard the Fat A** again. My husband finally comes up and tells her she was way out of line and reminds her that growing up, he used to have to defend her against those same type of taunts because she was an overweight teenager. And lo and behold, that sent her off boo-hooing that everyone is against her, etc, etc.

Sorry, I did want this to be a short vent – in fact, I'm glad I waited a day to write it, because it would have been more heated and rambling had I wrote it right after it happened. Turns out, we had a great time at Six Flags, I even got on three rides, Fat A** and all. Moral of the story: Don't sweat the small stuff – and baby, it's mostly all Small Stuff.

Edited to add this P.S. I take responsibility for starting this bickering yesterday. I could have kept quiet and not made the comment at the restaurant, but this is not the first time that my family has been the one to pick up the slack for her. And she's not once thanked anyone, and in fact, acts like it's our duty. THE END!!!!

Whew – thanks for letting me get vent. Now, this blog will self-destruct in 9, 8, 7 …....
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's a rough road when you don't get along with your inlaws. Especially when you never want to make your husband choose between you and them. They were there first, after all, and he's had more years to accept and unconditionally love them warts and all. I hope you've forgiven each other and can laugh at the childish name-calling and can once again enjoy the closeness of family. Sounds like you've married into a fun-loving, close family. Does your beloved get to share in the dynamics of your family, as well? Peace,'re right, it's all small stuff in the scheme of things.
    3291 days ago
    Loved this blog...every time I need to make a remark I am either tongue tied and can't think of a thing or fearful of saying way too much!
    That was great! Hope it changes her or keeps her home next time!
    3397 days ago
    You had the guts to say something a lot of wish we could. Way to go! I am forever the peacemaker and wouldn't have said it but kudos to you!! She needed to be put in her place!
    3563 days ago
    I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE how you handled Ms. B! This made my day! emoticon
    3661 days ago
    Well done! I loved your comeback to her "Fat A**" comment...that was priceless! I'll never understand how some people are comfortable ALWAYS being the "taker" and never the "giver".

    And I'm glad you were able to vent and get that off of your chest! (I know i'm super late reading this)

    3662 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7539306
    Oooooo GIRL! I wish I had your guts. I really do. Just know that all families have the moocher and they are usually the "wanna-be's" as well. My husband and I suffer the same stinking crap at every family get together. I give our moochers free music lessons because I want the kids to have the experience. NOT ONCE have they said thanks. Instead, they act like it's a given, that I should give them my time and skills for free...WHATEVER!

    I do it because I love my neices and nephews. The other day someone had heard the story about them and they gave me $50 bucks. They said that God had put it on their heart to give it to me because of all I have done for them personally and because of the goodness that I show to my family. I was BLOWN AWAY!

    I totally had to check my attitude and remember why I do what I do. And I thanked him and I thanked God for the reminder that God blesses those who are "meek."

    You take care and enjoy the rest of your family. Thanks for sharing and good luck on your weight loss journey!
    3681 days ago
  • MMS354
    Funny how there's always a moocher in the group, isn't it? Great job, girlfriend, for calling her out on it and sticking up for yourself. I love it! I usually think of smart responses about 8 hours too late then stew about what I should've said. Thanks for blowing off steam on your blog so the rest of us could have a chuckle.
    3684 days ago
    I absolutely loved your comeback! Apparently she needed to hear it and now she has. I hope it does some good, but you're right, her condition is probably permanent. Sorry you had a rough time, but maybe things will change a little!
    3684 days ago
  • WYND10
    Family is tough. Really tough.

    3684 days ago
  • no profile photo IMATALOSS
    I wonder if this confrontation will change anything? Sadly, it probably won't. I, too have an in-law that who is a pain to deal with. (*cringe*) I always wish I could comeback with something appropriate during a stressful convo but alas, I usually think of something days later (and then only after replaying the convo over and over in my head a hundred times). Sorry you had drama but sometimes getting things out in the open makes one feel better. emoticon
    3684 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/13/2010 12:17:52 PM
    You know, some things DO just have to be said! It's not so much that people are too polite to say something, as that they're too timid. I'll bet the rest of your husband's family even has a whole new respect for you!

    emoticon emoticon
    3685 days ago
    I really had to burst out laughing at your comeback to the F. A. remark. I have a friend that will go with me to get something to eat and then when it is time to order, say she doesn't have any money. I have paid for a couple of her meals, but then she sits and complains about the food. Some people...

    3685 days ago
  • KITKA82
    Wow good for you for speaking up. I wouldn't have had the courage, even if I did I would have been too angry to articulate such a great comeback!
    3685 days ago
    Man. Some people are just mean spirited. That's the vibe I'm getting about Miss B. Well you showed her that you won't let her get you down! Good for you!
    3685 days ago
    LOL! BRAVO! Well done! Wish I'd been there to see it! I have relatives like that too, and I bet she doesn't pull that crap on you again. She may even learn something from it if she's got any sense. I'm not going to hold my breath, though. You needed to say it anyway. Stuff like that needs to reach day light sometimes, and it sound like this was just the right time for it.
    3686 days ago
  • no profile photo CD6096849
    Miss B was dead wrong Jo. If she didn't have the money for the brunch she should've made arrangements prior or just stayed at home. I can't stand when family members do this type of ish (My family also has some shameless moochers as well but at least they make it known they don't have the money from the gate). And why is it people always go for the fat comments. I mean, seriously! I think you handled yourself well and Miss B was probably even madder that she didn't phase you and you didn't stoop to her level and start an all out argument. God bless you for putting up with your hubby's family. It must REALLY be love :)
    3686 days ago
    Great story-you made me laugh! Maybe she will pay up next time.
    3686 days ago
    Even the best people have days when their fuse is short. This is mild compared to
    what I would have done, lol.
    3687 days ago
    Sorry you had to go thru the garbage. Your 'cousin' doesn't even sound like she's hard up for money, just seems like she likes to welch off others while saving her own money. I know some folks just like that and they can all go to H***!! Way to give it to her both barrels!!
    3687 days ago
    What a B*tch. Sorry honey.
    3687 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2712264
    I ditto everyones replies.. Have a GREAT day!!
    3687 days ago
    What a great comeback! It's like a paraphrase of Winston Churchill "“'You are drunk Sir Winston, you are disgustingly drunk. 'Yes, Mrs. Braddock, I am drunk. But you, Mrs. Braddock are ugly. But, tomorrow morning, I, Winston Churchill will be sober and you will still be ugly."

    Sometimes it's amazing that we allow "family" to get away with things that we wouldn't let a complete stranger get away with.

    Thanks for venting! I'm happy you did!


    3687 days ago
    You handled it great. She is not only a moocher, she is nasty too!
    3687 days ago
    You may regret the incident but I think it's important to get that sort of thing off your chest. Letting your hard feelings fester is just not healthy. Thatcould lead toan even uglierconfrontation in the future. Who knows maybe she really heard you and will start to do a little self-refelcting. or NOT! Kudos to you for not letting her childish taunts spoil your day.
    3687 days ago
  • ABKO2010
    Everyone deserves to vent! And Miss B sounds like a headache!
    3687 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5190246
    Bravo!!! Good for you and for your husband!

    3687 days ago
  • KAN2124
    That response is GREAT! I can't believe you thought of it in the heat of the moment. I usually only think of great responses like that after the fact. Way to speak up and handle the moment with aplomb! emoticon
    3687 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5128667
    You know, with the economy being so bad, it was clearly the right thing to do (why have your household being held financial hostage by moochers?) .....


    for putting that #!@# in its place!

    3687 days ago
    Sounds like she won't change,but she needed to hear it! Glad you had a good time!
    3687 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7644744
    Someone had to say something!! Good for you! I have one of those in my family too!!

    3687 days ago
    Jo...You're Not KIDDING! Miss B is Sarah Heartburn, Star of As the World Churns. I'm so sorry her life is so pathetic and her sense of entitlement so enormous that she had to lower herself to this deplorable behavior! Here this young lady, your niece, had graduated VALEDICTORIAN and Miss B was desperate to steal her thunder on a once-in-a-lifetime day! I have to commend you for calling her on it in a very fair way...and kudos to your husband for being so beautifully assertive!

    We had a sponge like that in our family, too. She wrote the book on "skinflint," although she had enough common sense to kiss a** rather than kick it at those family functions.

    My emoticon goes out to you and your husband. And your behavior was impeccable! - Sandi emoticon
    3687 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon WAY TO GO !!!!
    3687 days ago
    Oooh, I know how that can be. Glad you had a chance to vent, sometimes that is all you need, then you can move on!
    3687 days ago
    haha I have to say, I really loved How good did that feel to say to her? lol...
    3687 days ago
  • RENA1965
    emoticon she deserved it..
    3687 days ago
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