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Sometimes when you feel most alone…your friends are there…

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

I have a hard time blogging when I do not have a lot of positive things to write about. I mean, after all – who wants to read about negativity and hard times…right?
But…my daughter Rebecka – wants a blog, so here it is.

The last few weeks have been really tough. Once again, I see the man I love with all my heart taking a turn for the worse. His addiction is getting the best of him – and he seems more in denial about it than he ever was.

It has gotten so bad – that I told him that I was leaving. I am at my wits end!!! It is so hard to sit and watch someone who at one time was so healthy, so active, and happy…decay away into a pain ridden shell of a man. It leaves you feeling sad, overwhelmed and helpless.

I also felt like – if I leave…where will I go??? I have no place to go!!!

In my desperation – I status’d my facebook page as “I need a place to live – ASAP”…and I was inundated by offers of places to stay…so much so – that I had to remove the status.

Sometimes when you feel most alone…your friends are there…you just can’t see them…but they ARE there. I realized this in a BIG way!!! I am so fortunate to have such amazing friends.

I did however decide to stay. I love him and I can not leave at this point. I need to stop running from my problems – I need to gather the strength I need – and face this addiction monster head on – and fight to get the husband that I fell head over heels in love with back.

On the upside – I have lost about 12 lbs…I am really happy about that.
So there ya have it Rebecka!!! Your turn.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It has been over a month... get out of farmville! Seriously ma. We need you here on SparkPeople, well I do!
    2866 days ago
    call me I miss your voice.
    2902 days ago
    I can only imagine how hard it must be. I'll be thinking about you.
    2906 days ago
    I will say a prayer for you and your husband. Please keep blogging it helps get all those negative emotions out!!! I really wish I had some words of wisdom for you but I am at a loss for words. Just know if you need to talk I am willing to listen.

    Congrats on the weight loss!!!!!
    2906 days ago
    Thanks for the blog ma. Sounds like you are staying strong and you have a plan. You can make anything happen...
    2906 days ago
  • PSMITH3841
    I too lived with a spouse with addiction....it's not an easy thing...there are places you can go to get information and help for yourself (for minimal or no cost) and ultimately him...just remember, you can't make him get healthy he needs to want to do it for himself...you need to take care of you....as much as you love him, you are the most important one!!!! Never forget that! You may not get the end result you hoped for, but you will get a result you need to lead a normal healthy life for you (and maybe even him)...the spouse and I are now divorced, but he has been clean and sober for over 16 year and has re-established his relationship with our children which is a very good thing and something I had hoped for all along. Hang in there, give a shout if you need a shoulder! emoticon emoticon
    2907 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    God is always with you too.

    I'm an expert with a husband with an addiction. I spent the first 7 years of our life together praying he'd get help. The lies, the half-truths, the deceit, the untrustworthiness... I've dealt with it all. I know all to well how hard it is to leave when the man you love is fighting a demon. I was there in your shoes about 10 years ago.

    If you ever need someone to talk too... I'm here. I have many stories I could tell, but in the end...my husband finally got sober and has been clean for 10 years. It took moving 3400 miles away and with the ultimatum that I would leave and take our kids with me if he didn't wise up. I meant it, he understood it.

    I'll add you and your husband to my prayer list. Another thing I need to say is about your comment about how you weren't blogging because "who wants to read about negativity and hard times…right?" That is what we all are here for! If you're having a rough time in whatever part of life BLOG about it. The support you will get is phenomenal and it will help not only with staying on track weight wise, it will keep you healthy all the way around. Mental health is as much a part of losing weight as eating right and exersicing. So don't ever feel you shouldn't or can't blog because it's negative or because you're having a hard time with life. WE ALL HAVE HARD TIMES IN LIFE and that's the BEST time to blog and get help, support, love, advice and the knowledge that you are NOT ALONE in your struggles. Keep blogging!

    2907 days ago
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