I attended a family bbq yesterday. These were folks on my side of the family who I feel more comfortable with though in reality, they are probably no less obnoxious-prone than DH's side of the family (who by the way, put the DYS in functional).
Anyway, back to the real story...... So there I was. After all the hugs and back pats and catching up on who's where, latest accomplishments, and the perfunctory tsk-tsk stories, I found myself sitting on a wooden picnic bench surrounded by all my favorite foods of holidays past. Potato salad, fried chicken, baked beans, macaroni salad, a well-stocked deli tray, lemonade, corn on the cob, dinner rolls, spicy chicken wings, a few gravy/brown saucy-laden things of unknown content -- well, you get the picture. It was not the picture you would find under the heading, “Healthy Choices.” In the past, I would have put a little bit of everything, and a lot of some things on my plate. But yesterday, I opted for a spoonful and a half of potato salad, grilled corn on the cob, 1 spicy wing, 4 slices of tomato from the deli tray, and a half a glass of lemonade. I navigated my way to a table some distance away from the food table. I was also careful to avoid my aunts who, God bless their souls, take it as a personal insult if your plate is not filled to the brim with their tasty, but lethal entrées. I actually sat next to Exhibit A for proof of the lethal-ness of their food. One of their husbands, my uncle, was hospitalized last year after suffering a heart attack. He probably weighs close to (or over) 300 pounds and is on all kinds of medications, including one for high blood pressure. But there he sat, eating ribs, with a large mound of potato salad, baked beans, and buttered dinner rolls on his plate quietly awaiting their turns to be pillaged.
He eyed my plate when I sat down and said, “Is that all you gonna eat?”
“Um, well, I guess.” I sorta stuttered, not really sure how to answer that.
“What -- you on some kind of diet or somethin?”
“Um, well, I guess.” He looks at me kinda weird now, probably wondering if I got stuck on stupid or somethin.
“Well,” he mused, “I guess we all could stand to lose a little weight.” He grins, patting his ample belly with one hand, and sucking the last of the saucy meat off the rib bone with the other.
“Um, well, I guess.” He shakes his head just slightly and soon strikes up a conversation with another person at the table. One who I'm sure he hopes has a more expansive vocabulary.
I don't know why I didn't want to answer questions about what I was eating or whether I was on a diet. Families like to shoot off at the mouth and I am reluctant to give them ammunition. So certain things I feel better keeping to myself. I will let the results of my weight loss efforts speak for themselves this time next year.
After I finished eating, I saw my aunt headed towards our table with a huge platter of cake covered in the creamiest chocolate icing I've ever seen. Luckily, I was able to flee before she got there, saying I had to run to the little girls room. Look, my friend, dieting involves a certain amount of subterfuge, okay?!? I stayed away until I saw she had left and taken her chocolate temptations with her.
I returned to the table and my uncle says, “Are you alright – you having a good time?”
“Um, well, I guess.”
This time he looks over his glasses with a raised eyebrow, kinda like The Rock used to do.
“Child, you don't seem too....,” but thankfully, before he completes THAT sentence, my DH yells for me to come and play some horseshoes. So I scoot off toward the horseshoe pits, and when I turned around to wave bye to everyone at the table, they were already huddled together in conspiratorial whispers -- no doubt talking about the odd behavior of their once-normal relative. I wonder if they'll settle on drugs or alcohol as the reason for my weird awkwardness. Or some sort of mental spousal abuse, I thought, as DH waved me frantically toward the horseshoes. That one made me smile a little. All in all, I had a wonderful time, though it's obvious I have to work on my 'lifestyle change' behavior. Um, well, I guess!