Crash and Burn

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Aiight friends. I blew it. I was SO pumped about getting down to 153, and my hiking pants weren't difficult to put on, as they had been getting.

I went on a hike with my bf on Friday, and we walked for about 4 hours total. I don't get too hungry when I'm on the move, so I just had a granola bar and some fruit leather. When I got home though, I was pretty hungry, and I was stressed because under a time crunch to get ready for a Shabbat dinner that evening ( and I knew that there would be TONS of food).

On the one hand, I knew I needed to replenish fuel and that it wasn't smart to wait a few more hours. On the other hand, I didn't want to eat in order to avoid feeling too hungry later. I ate a good amount, but not a real meal.

Then at dinner, I ate more than I should, but I skipped dessert and felt very proud about that. I estimate that I burned at least 1600 cals through exercise that day, so it was hard to think I had eaten too much.

Saturday morning though, I was hungry and stressed and I ate too much before a lunch with friends, so I just had some salad, and I had trouble dealing with feelings of guilt from the morning.

All was well until I saw my boyfriend again Saturday night, and I was feeling frustrated that he didn't seem to care too much to hear what I had to say about how my day had been and such. I just couldn't remove some anxiety.

Later on, I just ate to comfort myself, something I haven't done in weeks. I know I should put a sign on my cabinet and fridge that says "if you're not hungry, what you want isn't in here," and I thought about the saying, but I just didn't care. I wanted to feel full, and I wanted to feel numb, and I wanted to stop self-sabotaging, but in doing so, self-sabotaged. I ate a lot of high-fiber items, like wasa crackers, soynuts, and some dried pineapple, so it's not as bad as it would have been if it were chocolate or pizza or something, but still, I felt sick this morning.

I just got my period, and I'm more aware of what my body is telling me and why it's wreaking emotional havoc for not such great reasons.

Hopefully I will turn it all around. It's 2 p.m. and I just finished a sensible, veggie-full lunch, the first thing I have eaten all day today. If I can stick to some healthy protein and get a good night of sleep tonight, hopefully it will pass.

I will be very disappointed if I've ruined my hard-fought weight loss efforts. I guess all we all have to do is work at it each day, again and again.

I'm not going to let this get me down. I told my boyfriend about what happened, and I feel really happy and comforted that I was able to open up to him about it, since I don't really talk to anyone about my food issues. Hopefully we'll work through conflicts better in the future and I'll keep feeling more comfortable telling him when I am in my grumpy TOM and we can laugh about it or something and I won't need to turn to food!

Thanks to whoever was reading this. I know that the extent to which I have made progress is due largely in part to this supportive community of Sparkers!
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post

    Be the First to Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

More Blogs by APPLESKI25