I never cease to amaze me..................
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I have been gone from the site too long. I got really depressed in May because I got sick and couldn't go to the gym and I was not eating right..... I knew from experience what all of that would mean. Or so I thought.....
I do not weigh myself EVER..... I used to do this and became O-C about it to the point that I destroyed my own progress and self-esteem. Seeing the numbers, and worrying about the numbers, and counting the numbers, and fearing the numbers got to be too damn hard and stressful. I would simply quit and then I wouldn't have to worry about the damn numbers anymore.
So, this time, I insisted on a doctor's help and monitoring. That way I know I am accountable and I need only weigh-in monthly. This worked like crazy the first three months -- he was thrilled with my progress and I was stunned at how well I was doing. I gave him a lot of the credit for it -- I knew I would have to answer to the same person I had cried to only weeks before and had begged for help. How lazy and unappreciative would I look if I walked in heavier than the month before? In May, he said, "I think I only need to see you every two months. Let's try that." This freaked me out a little -- the doc is supposed to be my taskmaster, the one who keeps me in line. How am I supposed to behave myself for TWO MONTHS with no one cracking the whip?
I got my answer today. Despite the sickness, despite the avoidance of the gym and all of the bad eating choices I made here and there, I had gotten rid of another 10 pounds through May and June. Me. Not the doctor, me.
For all of the wrong choices I made during those 60 days, apparently, I made a hell of a lot of good ones, and they added up to continued success. Me. I did this.
Did I tell the doc not to worry about me anymore? Noooooooo! But I left his office today with more confidence in myself than I have had in a very long time.
It occurred to me in looking back at the past 8 weeks that I am making better and more conscious decisions about me and my health now without the wagging finger of disapproval or concern, or the worry that one extra bite of ice cream or skipping a day at the gym will cost me dearly. It was in the back of my mind that I needed to make up for lost time -- and I did so, without complaint.
I still have miles to go -- I am not even halfway to my goal yet -- but today I learned that I had to, I CAN do this on my own. I just need to go day by day. Every choice is an opportunity to succeed and if I don't succeed, every new day offers another chance to try again.
Never give away the credit YOU are due....... take it! You deserve it!