Current Challenges

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Here's what happened, why I disappeared on 5/24.

I want to say thank you (you know who you are) for caring about me and missing me. I can't tell you how wonderful it is to know people will miss me and do care about me.

On March 24th my daughter, who hadn't even finished her Sophomore year at high school, started a University class. She goes to a small public charter high school, and in order to take the science and math courses she wants to take (AP), she can't fit some other essential classes into her high school schedule. Because of the small size of the school and the major funding losses from the state, her school is not able to offer some of the classes more often than every other year. So things like Spanish are impossible to fit in.

We were going to move her to a public high school where it would be easier, but she really wants to stay at her school. So she signed up for a Summer Session Spanish class at the U which will, by the end of the summer, give her an entire year of High School Spanish credit (fulfilling the rest of that requirement for her HS) and also give her 10 College credits. It's a very demanding class, Mon-Thur 5:45pm - 8:30pm with about 2 hrs of homework a day. Which is not undo-able when she is only going to Summer School.

But no one realized that the class started early (on 5/24) instead of 6/14 when the rest of the Summer Session classes start and which would have been after her HS year ended. She figured out the start date 2 days before classes began.

For the 2 weeks that she was doing both HS and the SS class, we were all basket cases.

DD has extremely high standards for herself and it was HS finals time, so she was stressed to start with. Add in the stress of going to the U, of figuring out how to park, where the class was, getting the online systems connected, figuring out how to do the homework online, and actually attending a U class and meeting new people. Maybe you can figure out how both of us were just a bit off the stress scale. She's amazing, totally, and made it through those 2 weeks with her high standards for her finals maintained.

Even once HS was out, I was still driving her to and from the U 4 nights a week and spending 5 hrs each night with her going to, waiting, and bringing her back from the U.

All my SP food and fitness planning and tracking and being connected online just totally fell by the wayside. I started grabbing food on the run with her. I got really tired and bored and started snacking. I sure see clearly how I turn to food to deal with stress. I wasn't binging, but I began to realize that my absolute first and only idea when under stress is to eat - preferably something with sugar, fat, and chocolate.

Then, my son's school year ended starting last week and those of you who are parents of elementary-age kids know about summer sports camps and sleepovers and play dates. Plus, the three of us started competing for the use of our one and only computer.

I should have put a higher priority on my tracking and communication on SP, but I let the kids have the computer instead and didn't make my needs a priority.

In the midst of all this my dh, who is bi-polar, started having (only the second in 5 years) manic episode. Luckily not a totally outrageous one. His docs stepped right up and started making med changes that helped. But on top of everything else, I was having to supervise his impulsiveness and financial generosity. Son got a new expensive cell phone out of it ;-)

Not losing weight for a month just had absolutely no impact on my SP disappearance emoticon

I have been keeping active physically. I know that is the miracle of Spark People! I have the energy to play and walk and bike and swim and even rollerblade, plus all the life stuff. I'm sitting a lot (at the U) but I'm making it a priority to park far enough away from the classroom to get a good walk in both ways.

3 weeks ago our roof started leaking and we started a refi of our mortgage to add a new roof. That has escalated into a rehab of the house: new roof, new solar panels, new siding, new insulation, getting the repairs from all over the house done (dh is not handy), and interviewing builders so it's all done green. Geez Louise!! (sorry, any Louise's out there!)

This is where I find myself today. I have started cooking again, and we're eating at home again. I am reconnecting here. I am starting my tracking again. I still need to start packing meals, so that I can more easily resist temptations. (Stress and hunger is not a good pair for me). I made my huge pitcher of herbal tea today and have been drinking it.

I don't handle change well, at the best of times. I feel overwhelmed by all the changes, and they are all GOOD changes, for the most part. I wish I was more flexible and more 'go with the flow'. I need the structure of the tracking and connecting here to keep my head screwed on straight.

I am writing all this in this blog because I need to get perspective and see if I am making excuses and cut that off at the knees. And I need support to ignore the drama and focus on the bottom line.

Thanks for listening!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    good heavens! that's quite a bit going on at once. it's so nice to have you back! emoticon
    3818 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    emoticon post. It happens to all of us from time to time if we stop being aware of what we are doing. It's a conscious effort every day. Gets easier the longer you do it then sometimes you just flip the switch and you are back to old habits. I did that .. .and I regret it. but I'm back and loving it. I can't gain back all this weight. That would be a shame.

    So, I'm here for you, I understand where you are coming from, although my kids are grown and married. But my memory is still in tact.

    That's it from Florida.
    Have a great weekend and don't obsess, do what is GOOD for YOU~

    3821 days ago
    emoticon because you are emoticon !
    3822 days ago
    Whoa! What a time you had at it. As usual, your inner strength pulled you through it and even brought you back here. Instead of saying it's over, I can't handle the stress or I am too far off of my program - you jumped right back in with your amazing load from life. That is why you are so admired and why you were missed so. You are a emoticon SUPERWOMAN emoticon
    3822 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7342839
    Despite the high stress, you've maintained what I'm beginning to think of as Spark awareness. You continued as many practices as you could, stay tuned in and analyzed what happened. That's a lot, under the circumstances! You'll be fully back on track as soon as you can, and that's super.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3823 days ago
    Thank you so much for the thoroughly honest and detailed update. I am so proud of you for getting back on track. You have faced some tough times and have understood the forces causing the reprioritising of your life, but are now taking control again! Bravo!

    It's great to have you back here :)

    The way forward is just one step at a time now. Only one step at a time!

    3823 days ago
    As PERSISTANT says, this is about baby steps. I also agree that you should focus on the positive things you're doing and not on what you're not doing. Look at the things that "stuck" even with all the stress emoticon that you've been under! I'm really, really proud of you for that, Cindy.

    I know you must be so very proud of DD, too! On so many levels:-)

    I think you know yourself pretty well, and if you didn't, you've figured out a lot:-) That's an awesome start. And you're taking steps to get yourself into a position to be successful - now, that's utterly amazing, woman! I don't have children, so I can only imagine how difficult it must be for you to use the computer and "deprive" your children of some of their time. But they will also reap the benefits in your health.

    Hang in there, girl, you're doing fine! Do what you need to do for you - just keep dropping us lines to let us know you're okay, too:-) Thanks for sharing with us about your family.

    3823 days ago
    You are leading a VERY BUSY life right now. Focus on what you are doing well and not so much on what you are not doing. Don't expect to jump back in where you were before your life exploded. Remember, SP is about taking baby steps.

    The fact that you didn't just chuck the whole program out the window shows how much progress you have made. Determine what is most important and go from there. After all, you are just one woman!

    On a personal note, I'm glad you are back. I've missed you.
    emoticon Kathleen
    3823 days ago
  • FRAN0426
    Wow! You sure were ubder a totally huge stress situation, so glad things are settling down somewhat for all of you. You are making great strides with eating meals at home as much as posible, and learning to take healthy snacks and drinks along for the time at the U of M. Just getting there that time of day is magor stress, as before my son had his own vehicles mom got to drop him off there, and I really don't like driving at the U.( got losr easily with my no sence of direction). Please remember, I'm here for you, and at the end of summer things will settle down with the sleepovers etc. and will fall back into a structered routine once again.
    3823 days ago
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