So what is really going on?

Sunday, June 13, 2010

I would love to report a weight loss, and actually I have lost weight in the last couple of weeks, but I can't report it because I am still 3 pounds heavier than my last reported Spark weigh in. The truth is that I gained 12 pounds in less than 3 months and I have no one nor anything to blame but myself and my actions. I can claim limited mobility and that would be true, but there are other ways of exercising. I could even adjust my food intake to compensate. I know all this, so why was I not doing it? What is really going on? Why do I come to a point of success and stop? Do I truly want to lose weight? Now that last question caused me to pause and ponder.

There have been reports that suggest that food is sometimes used as a coping mechanism, and although I would like to say that I am above that, I decided to take a look and try to understand why and when do I eat. Each day I would make a meal plan and many times I would be successful in sticking to it, but there were times when I would sabotage my efforts, or just skip the efforts altogether. That is not a recipe for success, if success is what I truly want. So I decided to take a good introspective look at myself and specifically at those times when eating mindlessly seemed to get the better of me. As I became more aware of my actions I realized that in addition to healthy eating, I was also indulging in mindless snacking.

An example would be when I'm on a deadline with a report. Nuts would be my companion. I would snack on nuts as I ponder a thought, and even have a conversation with myself to justify or argue eating more. One regular excuse would be that I usually plan my meals at the low end of the range so a handful of nuts would not hurt. But one handful is usually not enough and eventually I close my mind to how much I might have eaten. As healthy as they might be, too much of anything is bad. Nuts are now banned from my house. Until I am healthy enough to control my urges, I have to remove addictive foods from my reach.

That's my what, but what is my why? Why do I sabotage my weight loss? In my mind I want to lose weight, so why do I lose and then regress? What am I afraid of that is causing me to hide behind my weight? Therapists have suggested that food might be a coping tool to deal with moods, and some studies have reported that weight retention might have far-reaching psychological ties. Although I cannot think of any traumatic events in my life that might cause me to self-medicate on food, I am accepting the research and working on understanding why I resort to food when I am not experiencing hunger, and how I can break that cycle.

I have not yet found the answer, but I'm waging war on this psychosis that I am experiencing. I have to lose three more pounds to get back to where I left off and almost 70 pounds to goal. As I read Spark Pages and see how many members have lost 70+ pounds I am inspired by the possibility of achieving my goal. It's totally unacceptable to come this far to fail; and I refuse to have a pity party with myself or make excuses why I am not losing. I am not even accepting the plateau theory; if this way is not working, I'll try another, but I am not sitting still any longer nor giving up, and I don't need to take a break. It's on. Maintaining my obesity is not an option; I joined Spark to lose weight, and I have to remain mindful of that fact.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm reading your blog and thinking of myself... because I am mindlessly sitting here munching on wheat thins!!

    You absolutely have it in you to lose the weight you want. Set some mini-goals that make it easier to meet your larger ones. Mine was about 115 pounds.. but my mini-goals at every 10.. and some major markers (like under 250, etc). It works very well and if anything keeps me on track, that does. Also find a buddy to keep you on track daily/weekly.

    Not that I do very well at this either, but you could try always having something like celery to munch on?

    You can do it.. find a plan and keep on it. Make it work for you.. which means the goals and rewards you can keep yourself grounded with! emoticon
    3188 days ago
  • JUSTA123
    Sometimes I think we're afraid to let the real us out, so we sabotage ourselves, I'm glad you sat down and talked to yourself, and are getting back on track, you can do this and knowing you can is the first step. About the nuts, I know sparks says have some but some is not enough for me either, I also don't have them in the house, they are like lays potato chips "betcha can't eat one!" emoticon
    3203 days ago
    After reading this blog you have all the answers, I also hear you have great PLAN, let get moving on it. emoticon . You are not along, I am in my four week plan to do this weight loss and getting healthily. One step at a time. emoticon
    3232 days ago
    I believe you know what it takes to get the weight off, but do you have the will power to follow it through? The choice is yours. "If it is to be it"s up to me".
    Blessings for a beautiful evening and much success to you during your weight lost journey. emoticon
    3233 days ago
    Your thoughts are very valid. One of the reasons we turn to food to "self medicate" is that it really DOES serve to make us feel better. Now, isn't that just depressing? lol This is most frequent with carbs. There's a very real chemical reaction that happen between the brain and assorted hormones.
    3233 days ago
    I've recently had an issue in my life come up. Something related to some trauma in the past. I've been monitoring my moods and eating. And I know now that I eat the most during emotional turmoil. In my experience, this can be anything, death in the family, depression, tension with other people, work related stress. and I medicate myself with food, I guess I used food to survive these things.

    But I find myself in the same boat. The weight is no longer coming off. It is starting to pack on.
    3233 days ago
    This blog shows an exact reflection of myself! I lost some weight earlier on in the year (not much but it was a start) then as soon as i returned from my holiday i started eating too much and not doing enough exercise, i often use rubbish excuses to myself as reasons for not going to the gym or eating an extra bit more but from now on my lifestyle is going to change, just like youself i am now going to get back on track!
    3233 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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