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Tired and rambling... ha!

Saturday, June 05, 2010

So it goes like this... I'm just so dang tired all the time. Between my kids waking me up at 1:30am a few times a week. Being told I have Lupus a few months ago and feeling like I had the flu and wanting to die the last few weeks, I can't seem to shake myself up enough to complete anything! I have all these things I need to do and know what I have do but then it's hot and I'm tired... It sucks. Depressing. Then, I get a little sliver of motivation and start thinking screw the Lupus and screw the heat so I start to clean out the garage. Dang, how does someone acquire so much stuff? Yuck!! Then, I think, am I a hoarder? No, just a single mother of 3 trying to do everything all the time, all alone... not what I thought I would be doing ever. Then I go back in my air conditioned house and drink some water and say screw the garage. I'm tired. Back in the day, I could do anything! Then I got hit by a drunk driver 4 years after my ex left us. When I got married it was forever, sheet!, too bad I didn't marry someone who thought the same thing! Ha! Okay, now I can say HA, then I was devastated. I'm actually glad I don't have a liar and cheater in my life any longer. I do feel bad for my kids because he still lies to them but they're older now and they kinda get it. But then, do they? I used to believe him too... They still get hurt. But at least now they know he's a liar for themselves. I used to make excuses for him. Now I don't ever have to say anything but I'm sorry to them. There is honesty in the world, right? I mean people are really good and want others to be happy right? Or are people just mean bitches? I mean I can be a real bitch but usually it's after someone is rude or just mean. Does anyone make real commitments any more? I want to go see Sex in the City 2. See, the thing is those girls made me laugh and cry when the show was on HBO. Seems like a hundred years ago. Oh, it was! I lived vicariously through them. I was going through my divorce, home with 3 babies and never, I mean never got to go anywhere unless my kids were with me and I didn't really mind but I missed having someone to share quiet times with. So Sex in The City became my "other" life! I know the girls are sluts but that's what I loved about them! Anyway, they were just tv sluts. I still love those girls (women) and I still remember the nights they gave me a glimmer of laughter and sex! Ha! Yup... I don't think a lot of people can relate but I was home with my kids and when they were asleep I could take a breath from doing it ALL alone, drink a glass of wine and relax with my girls! Now I'm wondering when is it my turn to have some real fun? Ride a camel or something? Ha! I know it's just a movie... then I look around and remember I'm in Palmdale! Rock on all you Sparkers!!! Live well, laugh often! Enjoy every moment!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    So it goes like this for me so far - Lupus - you learn to deal with it. The best advise I got from the Dr was he knew he couldnt slow me down so wear good sunglasses!
    Lieing Dads - the kids have always known. They might not tell you they have always known but they know. The hurt they get from Dad isnt anything you can stop. The kids know they are going to get hurt but thats their job to have that glimmer of hope that Dad might change - even just once.
    The getting to go out - Go out! The kids understand! Buy them a pizza and go out! Trust me they will have more fun then you do!
    3971 days ago
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