The Irrationality of the Rational
Wednesday, June 02, 2010
So, the shaking like a leaf has stopped, as well as the constant nausea for the most part. I know the 'he's not worth it' line. I know it all. I know it was crappy of him. I know it was classless to talk via email. And yet still, it hurts. Because it is hard for me to understand how you go from talking to someone for hours a day, almost every day, having great times with them when we are out, building an amazing friendship, to dead stop, knowing full well I did nothing wrong.
So lets add that to the fact that I have to move for the next couple of months because my life is in flux. Too much change and rejection at once. I am having a hard time eating (a real first!) and keeping what I do eat down. But I have been lectured to by my bff all the way from VT so I will try harder. I am now at stage 2 of my depression, which I never know how long this one lasts for me. It is the sleep forever stage, which I can't actually do because I have animals to find new homes for and a house to pack. WTH. My other bff, who is a mutual friend of Art Guy and is totally pissed off btw, says that in my world when it rains it pours--always. And it kills her because I was so happy for the first time in ages in every way. No kidding. But I have to figure this out because I have to go be happy this weekend for her at her baby shower followed by my sister's graduation party. So thinking of going out Friday night, even if I do see Art Guy, to see my friends band play. Oh yeah, when I move, that guy friend with the band and my other art friend are going to take me under their wing and revive me for the next couple of months. I told them not to let me drowned or sit at home....which would be death or worse, a mistake to lead me to my ex. Sound good? My other friends have alot going on or are to much of homebodies, which I don't think would be a good thing right now. So I need to remember that I am a great catch...and ok in the back of my mind if I make him drool a little, is that soooo wrong? I don't know what the heck is going on with him, but if this is permanent, then maybe I want him to think I was the one that got away. Crap. The shaking started again. Damn him.