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The Irrationality of the Rational

Wednesday, June 02, 2010

So, the shaking like a leaf has stopped, as well as the constant nausea for the most part. I know the 'he's not worth it' line. I know it all. I know it was crappy of him. I know it was classless to talk via email. And yet still, it hurts. Because it is hard for me to understand how you go from talking to someone for hours a day, almost every day, having great times with them when we are out, building an amazing friendship, to dead stop, knowing full well I did nothing wrong.

So lets add that to the fact that I have to move for the next couple of months because my life is in flux. Too much change and rejection at once. I am having a hard time eating (a real first!) and keeping what I do eat down. But I have been lectured to by my bff all the way from VT so I will try harder. I am now at stage 2 of my depression, which I never know how long this one lasts for me. It is the sleep forever stage, which I can't actually do because I have animals to find new homes for and a house to pack. WTH. My other bff, who is a mutual friend of Art Guy and is totally pissed off btw, says that in my world when it rains it pours--always. And it kills her because I was so happy for the first time in ages in every way. No kidding. But I have to figure this out because I have to go be happy this weekend for her at her baby shower followed by my sister's graduation party. So thinking of going out Friday night, even if I do see Art Guy, to see my friends band play. Oh yeah, when I move, that guy friend with the band and my other art friend are going to take me under their wing and revive me for the next couple of months. I told them not to let me drowned or sit at home....which would be death or worse, a mistake to lead me to my ex. Sound good? My other friends have alot going on or are to much of homebodies, which I don't think would be a good thing right now. So I need to remember that I am a great catch...and ok in the back of my mind if I make him drool a little, is that soooo wrong? I don't know what the heck is going on with him, but if this is permanent, then maybe I want him to think I was the one that got away. Crap. The shaking started again. Damn him.
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  • no profile photo ALICEART2010
    Sounds like you live in a very small community to run into him again!
    3244 days ago
    It sort of feels like a death when you are abruptly cut from the life of someone you had feelings for, doesn't it? I think that alone hurts more than when the person just cannot love you in the way you were hoping for. It's unfortunate that he cannot remain your friend at the very least. You will grieve and adjust to the changes of not having him in your life, and you will come out it in the end a stronger woman. Take care to not let your heart grow bitter, because though he didn't appreciate it, there is no doubt a man in the world that will one day treasure it. I'm so sorry you're hurting and I wish nothing but wonderful things for you! emoticon
    3247 days ago
    You are the great catch that got away! And it is perfectly fine for you to think he's drooling and in misery for losing you. You hang in there Girl! Try to find as many positives as you can, even write them down every day. Make yourself get out, even if it's just for a walk alone (safely). You will pull through.

    emoticon emoticon
    3248 days ago
    Just reading your blog makes me wonder if he was so crazy about you that it scared him. If you could "...talking to someone for hours a day, almost every day, having great times with them when we are out, building an amazing friendship..." then it sounds like to me he might have gotten spooked by how close you were getting to each other. Maybe taking a breath will allow him to see what he had. I'm sorry that you are going thru this but hope that it will set you on the path to your happiest ever. Hang in there and know that all your e-sisters are there with you in this.

    3248 days ago
    You have a lot on your plate- no doubt.

    I also know that YOU WILL HANDLE IT.

    You are a strong woman who is going thru something very painful at a very transitional time. Double Draining.

    Emotionally, you are going thru everything you need to be. YOU are exactly where you should be in this point in time.

    Keep moving Sunshine.

    You are ADORED by many.

    3248 days ago
    Hi Melissa,

    I just started reading your blogs. I just wanted to say I'm sorry about the crappy breakup. That really stinks. But - you WILL get over this - it just takes some time. You WILL. In the meantime, your spark friends are right here for you! You are NOT alone.

    Take the time you need and take care of yourself. Exercise and feel the endorphins, baby!


    3248 days ago
    I am so very sorry lisa

    But remember he is the one that is losing big , he does not deserve you/
    Go out and have fun ,it was not easy to lose all that weight but you did it, YOU can do this too emoticon
    3248 days ago
    emoticon Oh, Lissa! My heart is totally broken for you. I'm not going to repeat any of the old cliches because, of course, you know them as you said, & none of them would help you at all. I'm glad that you have a good place to go, & I'm glad that you have friends to support you. You ARE worth an amazing man, & I do hope that one comes along eventually. In the meantime, though, take the time you need to hurt & to cry & to yell & to be upset & to vent through exercise & to do what you need to do, &, especially, to heal. It takes time, & you know that you have a strong support system here on SP. I'm praying for you, luv, & I'm more than willing to be a virtual shoulder to cry on whenever you need one. emoticon emoticon
    3248 days ago
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