I now know how it feels...
Tuesday, June 01, 2010
I didn't grow up overweight. I was a skinny minny all the way through to college. I wore a size 2 and weighed 110-115 lbs. The only person in my family who was overweight was my grandmother and I never really thought much about it. I never had to deal with gaining weight or the issues that come with it. I tried this birth control shot when I started college called depo-provera and that completely messed up my body. My hormones went out of control, my periods were ridiculously irregular and I gained 30 lbs really quickly. The shot lasts for 3 months so after the first one I never went back for another and it took a good year before my body got back to normal and I went back to my normal weight pretty quickly without trying or thinking about it. After that, I started gaining weight very slowly every year until now here I am at 25 years old and have 35 lbs of extra weight again. I don't think of myself as fat at all...just that I need to lose some weight but I don't look "fat".
I realized after starting this journey to losing weight that I am an emotional eater and I use food as my "feel good friend" when I get stressed, upset, or depressed. I don't know when I started this but I know this is a HUGE part of my problem with gaining weight because it seems like I always have something going on in my life that stresses me out or upsets me. At least now I know I'm doing this so when something does happen I can focus my feelings on another outlet instead of food.
Anyway, this blog turned out to be all over the place but the whole point to all of this is that I can now sympathize with most overweight people. I never knew before what it felt like to hear people say "She's put on some weight" and other things. I feel like people who have never been overweight or gained more than 10 lbs are clueless as to how much I think about it and how hurtful things they say can be. I've had things said to me and about me that have really felt like a punch in the stomach. And I don't think that most of those people meant to be vicious or hurt my feelings but like I said before I don't think people who have never had to deal with this know how sensitive of a subject it is, at least for me. And I only have 35 lbs to lose...I can't even imagine what people go through who have more than that. Since people have said things like that about me now I'm self-concious when I get around friends I haven't seen in a while because in the back of my mind I'm thinking my weight is like the elephant in the room. Anyway, I found out this weekend that I lost 7 lbs which is awesome!!!!! So now I'm focused on getting healthier and it's obviously working so screw all you people who don't think I can do it!