This is my confession

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I was reading www.dailyspark.com/blog.
as well as Part 1 and it really struck a chord with me....

I've been wanting to run lately, like...just get out and run. So much so that I actually went out and "stocked" up on what I would need. I downloaded the C25K podcast, I downloaded new music, I went out and bought some new shoes, I was freaking ready to go.

In the article it says...." Running can be just as psychological as physical. There are times when I broke down in tears from unrelated frustrations or from unbridled joy. You could learn something about yourself just by pushing yourself" and after my embarrassing experience, I totally believe it.

See what happened was, this first time I tried to go running, my lady was going to come with me. We live on a really good street, but the rest of the neighborhood is borderline dangerous. There are definitely some shady characters and she didn't want me running around the neighborhood alone. I can dig it, so she came with. We both got dressed, grabbed our ipods and headed out. We were walking along just fine to the 5 minute warmup and the first run came along. We ran for the minute and she stopped right before it was over. She was having issues with her ear buds not staying in and her shorts falling off(because we've already lost so much weight). She was really frustrated so we stopped and walked back to the house. Failed attempt numero uno.

The SECOND attempt at this whole running thing came a few weeks ago. I was getting off of work a little early and thought it might be nice to try the whole running thing again. It had been on my mind everyday since failed attempt numero uno. Like a drug addict I dreamnt about it. As planned, I got home from work, did some cleaning, dressed myself, grabbed my ipod and headed out. The walk was amazing, I was feeling on top of the world like I had already graduated or something. I started my first run and at first I couldnt get comfortable. I couldnt run on the sidewalks because of all the hills and slopes, my ankles were screaming and I hadn't even finished the first minute run. After the walking intermission I ran my second interval on the street, in doing that I almost got hit by a car so instead I ran some on the sidewalk and some in the street(if it was clear). All the meanwhile, my shorts AND my underoos were FALLING OFF. I'm was wearing freaking tight spandex panties so this WOULDN'T happen. I tied the string on the shorts as tight as I could so this WOULDN'T happen. Buuuut my clothes have a mind of their own I guess. Therefore I couldnt even finish a minute interval without almost showing my entire lower half to my neighbors.

But thats not even the most ridiculous part(to me anyways)

I had kind of a crazy self esteem buster during my sad attempt at running.

Ok....I don't know how many other people can relate to this but the way my fatty stomach is shaped, I have like...a lower "spare tire", my belly button area(which is a little smaller), and an upper "spare tire". Well my lower spare was BOUNCING up and down and up and down. I don't EVER recall that happening any other time I've ran. I've ALWAYS had it but this bouncing was very uncomfortable and I felt like everyone knew what was happening. I almost cried because it was so frustrating. I really almost cant explain the feelings I had. I got so frustrated with everything that after only a few intervals I called it quits and walked back to my house only to lay in my bed and reflect on the mess that had just happened.

I was soooo disappointed in myself. So much so that I considered never trying again. However, that would be silly wouldn't it =]

I decided to go with a little different plan this time. I think that I'm going to start myself out on my elliptical and get the hang of working out again and get myself into not so terrible condition. I also want to make sure my feet are ok(if you are familiar with my blogs you understand this). Hopefully in that time my tumtum will shrink up a little bit and I'll get myself a freaking spandex suit if thats what it takes. I WILL complete the couch to 5k program before the end of the year. Hopefully, by my 26th birthday =]

I just wanted to post that because I never told anyone and I felt compelled.

In other news, real fast, I'm down to 215! Hooray! I haven't been able to work out but I keep really busy at work and I get in a little extra when I can. Kara and I are still watching what we eat, but fast food seems to creep in a little too often. Her new work schedule is MURDER. She works 2:45pm-9:15pm putting her home around 9:30pm. Soooo we've been eating realllly late. It doesn't seem to affect her weight loss much, but I know eating carbs that late for me will be the death of me. Hopefully we can figure something out. At work I've adjusted any drinks I have to be more healthy. I run up and down the escalators and I'm now annoyed with all the people that lazily ride up them. I'm always on my feet at work so I get a good amount of "exercise" there. I'm still working on the whole, non smoking thing. Its hard man. Its not the cigarettes I miss, its the habit of smoking them. When I'm without them I dont even know what to do with myself. Guess that means I need to get more hobbies. haha.

I'm also thinking of "disconnecting" myself...Like...from facebook, myspace, and the like. I would want to keep spark and my cell phone. I'm just soooo tired of social networking. I want to focus on me, work, hobbies, and spark. That way maybe I can actually get my streaks and goals and be a better admin for my team!

In regards to my last blog, things are looking up. We are probably going to move in with my parents for a little while. I want to pay off almost all of my debt while there. I will sleep better at night and my credit score with hopefully recover.

I'm good
Kara is good
Life is pretty good
and it can only get better



got my ears lowered =] Check out my new peektures!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Those failed attempts will just make you realize exactly what you need to do to make it more comfortable for you to run... it WILL get easier and you certainly CAN do it! :)
    3815 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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